Sunday, November 30, 2008

REd's <3

i don't know if you guys remembered, but i think about 2 months back, i wanted to introduce this special addition in my life. it has been a long time since one accompanied me through my creative/emo moments. after the hiatus, my creative juices are raging to flow out of my mind and into my tunes.

i used to write my own songs and perform at dinners and competitions. the last competition that we won as a band was back when i was in KTJ. i wrote the song that we sang. and then when i was in russia, i performed for the first malaysian students' night. ok, i am not THAT good, but as people would put it, can do la.

if i am sad, it will make me more serene. if i am lonely, it will accompany me. if i need to take that tension off my studies, it will help me.

i am confident to say, that it is my <3....

everyone, meet scarlett.

my own birthday gift to myself......

bila dah bosan (AKA tere).....

....buat la kerja2 memBAKING :)

ni resepi REd la kan. kalau korang yang suka mencoba, silakan. sebab seriously, aku main bantai aja resepi ni. maklum la, jenis suka mencuba dan meneksperimen cara2 masakan dan resepi rekaan sendiri yang baru kan... saper berani, try la haaa....

bahan2 (ni suma main agak aja....):
-2 heaped senduks of all-purpose flour
-half teaspoon of dry yeast
-half teaspoon of sugar (can ++ more if you like your product to be sweet)
-one quarter cup of cold water
-2 tablespoons of warm water

mula2, activate the yeast by mixing it with sugar and warm water. at the same time, mix flour and cold water and start folding in the mixture. add the activated yeast and continue folding in the mixture until it forms a dough. make sure that it is not too wet or too dry.

take a CLEAN tea towel and wet it with water. cover the dough and tuck it in. lepas tu nyanyi lagu "tidur la adik ku.....emak pergi kerja.... tidur la adik ku......" . leave the dough and go la do what you feel like doing.
as for me... there were loads of things that i did sementara menunggu the proofing of the dough. REd sempat defrost and kemas fridge, sapu ruang tamu, kemas and sapu bilik, buat jigsaw puzzle.
after about 2 hours, pergi la bangkitkan dough tu tadi.

"weii!!! bangun la sood oii!!" :P take off the tea towel slowly. make sure that it does not come off with the towel.

sprinkle some flour and fold in the dough into itself. DON'T knead it. take 4 equal portions and form them into small balls by folding in into themselves.
then, you can either bake (i really don't know what is the temp. not to high la...) or steam it.

end products: crunchy on the outside, fluffy on the inside buns. best eaten fresh from the oven, kalau tak dia mengeras macam kena seizure. and on your right is pau kosong, if you choose to steam the dough. kalau nak letak isi pun boleh. just go creative la haa.... the pau tu, boleh simpan and steam balik kalau nak makan later.
tere kan REd? :D

Saturday, November 29, 2008

FAQs on REd

Q: is she always walking? why?
A: because i don't have a personal transport and plus i think walking is healthy and economical. i save the environment, i save my cents, i have a good health. why don't you give it a try? walking clears my mind too, as well as running and playing Squash.

Q: why do i always see you alone?
A: because unlike some others, i am not a school of Tunas or sardines. i am REd. if i have someone to be with at that time, fine with me. if i don't, that is also fine with me. i do socialize, i am not a snob. but people tend to pretend alot and it is hard to look for someone or some people who are sincere to be your friends. plus, not many share my interest in being adventurous, they like it safe. boring....

Q: what do you eat for lunch?
A: lunch is not my fav meal of the day, breakfast is. unless i am really, i mean REALLY hungry, i would just randomly pick on something, or drink something, or have my cereals. heavy lunch make me sleepy. but then again, i am always sleepy in the noon campus classes. haiisshhh....

Q: are you the only child?
A: lucky for me, i am not. i am the eldest daughter out of 3 sisters and 2 half sisters, and i have an elder brother. i am so blessed to have them in my life.

Q: why do you go back to KL so often? do you have a boyfriend there?
A: because my family is there. nothing to do with having a boyfriend because as you all should know by now, i am not seeing anyone in particular.

Q: how come you are not like the other malay girls that i know?
A: ermm.... i like to be different and plus it is rather boring to be in the "comfort" zone all the time, eh?

now, my Q to you, "anymore questions?"

Friday, November 28, 2008

the RED kancil

every morning, i go to the hosp by taking the public transport, namely mara bus that passes infront of my housing area. to go to the stop, i will have to make a three-minutes walk and i will be waiting by the road side. as i have to take the earliest bus possible, i usually leave the house at about 0655 hours, because the bus passes there at very inconsistent timing, sometimes late, sometimes early. to be safe, i go out even before i could miss it.

i have been taking the bus constantly for about 3-4 months now. during the school days, there will be other school going children waiting with me. sometimes, i will be alone, especially now that it is the school hols, and sometimes there will be other people there.

well, it is rather normal albeit irritatingly boring that i get cat-calls from the motorists that pass by. as usual, i will ignore them and keep on listening to my radio. so far, nothing bad has happened. but for the past 2 days, there is this certain RED kancil that slows down infront of me while i was waiting for the bus and kept on looking at me. the first day, i totally ignored him. then, he made a stop just a few metres after the spot where i was standing. i think he is expecting me to go over and take his ride. after a few excruciating minutes, he went off , seeing that his move was unaccounted for.

yesterday, as i was waiting there with one other person, the same RED kancil passed by, and this time, he stopped right infront of me!!! i was so shocked and scared, but i kept a straight face. his window was down and he dilligently offered me his ride. i just looked at him, shook my head, and said "no". then he went off. palpitations were already dominating my precordium.

thank God i have no hospital today. but of course i will have to repeat my wait on sunday. i hope after 2 days (today and tomorrow) not seeing me there, he will not pass that place anymore.

i can quite remember his face, but i didn't check out his plate number.

i am worried.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


1. Your name/username:
2. Left handed or right handed:
3. Favorite letter to write:
4. Least favorite letter to write:
5. Write "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog":
6. Tag 6 people:

REd tak membazir kertas tau. Red guna recycled paper. :D

tagging: lang

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

the "mak Datin" syndrome

these days, we hear too many talks and debates about the "Dato' " title that are given away for free, instead of earned, like the good old times. you can see almost anyone, and by anyone, i mean, i wouldn't be surprised if a nasi lemak seller gets the Dato' title just by selling his/her nasi lemak for cheap (super marked down price!!) during these tough times. now, it seems that the title does not mean much because too many are having it, for all the wrong weird reasons.

with Dato' s there are sure to be Datins. and i have been observing this upper class women that have "Datin" preceeding their given names. not that i am obsessed by them or their fake extravagant lifestyles. more like i am amazed at how they have become after getting the title plastered to their names. it is like you can almost tell that this woman is a "Datin" just by her physical appearance. no need for the personal history. in the medical world, i would term this as the "mak Datin syndrome"

so here goes. how a typical "mak Datin syndrome" would look like:

"clasp-knife" rigidity: typically seen in a patient suffering from spastic cerebral palsy. the forearms are flexed and if physiotherapy does not take place, contracture of the limb will take place. the mak Datins also have the same symptom while carrying that glitzy bling-bling tiny bag of hers.

the "bee hive": like of course, it is where the bees go about doing their business making honey. but for mak Datins, it seems that they have the "bee hive" perched perfectly on their heads. i wonder if there are bees that are fooled into thinking that this is one of their hives that has been hijacked by the mak Datin, and then the bees will actually attack the mak Datin. leaving the mak Datin with a swollen face and lips. hey, look at the bright side, no need for those Botox sessions anymore, eh?

"thick make-up facies": of course mak Datins are always invited to menyemakkan grace social events. and obviously, they have to dress and look their best. the problem is, they do not know how to put a stop in the make-up application part. either that, their make-up artists are really bad or blind. if you go near the mak Datins and run your finger across their cheeks, you might get your finger embedded deep in, and you'll wonder: wahh!! one inch deep!!

"i was born blonde" symptom: i am not too sure why, but most and i am pretty sure about this, MOST of the mak Datins want to be a blonde. like as if having their natural hair colour is like a curse. they'd spend hours and hundreds of RMs just to make sure that they look as if they were born blonde. and of course as time passes, the roots will start to show. this will freak them out and everything else in the world has to stop, just so that they get their roots coloured in. i guess being blonde is the "in" thing huh?
you don't need MBBS or MD. all you need is a good eye, and i am pretty sure you can diagnose someone who has the "mak Datin" syndrome.

-full history taking (want to know how they become mak Datin and how come they cannot appear normally)
-find out the epidemy of this syndrome
-find out wether it is contagious

-tell the mak Datins that they do look terrible.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

dua belas dua puluh satu minit pagi

jam kat desktop ni dah tulis pukul 1221hours. aku tak tido lagi. rasa macam ngantuk, tapi takleh nak tido. biasak la tu. kalau dah kata suffering from insomnia kan. ke.... sebab banyak naa benda dalam otak aku ni yang aku tak dapat nak lelap?

hmmm... cuba aku lontarkan suara benda2 yang ada dalam kepala aku ni kat n3 ni. kalau korang rasa macam bosan (dowh!), korang baca la apa yang ada dalam otak aku ni kira2 jam 1224 pagi selasa ni ekk....

  • hari senin tu, aku tak pakai baju kurung, aku pakai pakaian yang aku rasa allowed la. dah mula dah soalan datang :"eh, why no baju kurung today?" laa... suka aku la nak pakai apa kan
  • house officer tu macam makin daring je cara pemakaiannya. i think she knows that what she is wearing is not appropriate cause she keeps on puling her labcoat together to cover up what she was wearing. tak sempat nak tangkap gambar. she was running all over.
  • masa balik tu, terserempak ngan mr. pelik. i had palpitations. seriously, i can't deny it, he actually has an impact on me. bila aku ternampak dia, aku rasa tak tentu arah. bukan sebab aku salah, but sebab aku tak tahu apa yang dia benci sangat kat aku. kadang2 aku rasa macam nak ciao aja dari tempat ni sebab dia. kadang2 ada ganggu aku nyer concentration. tapi aku mesti be strong kan....
  • tadi, masa gi library, aku ternampak x-bf kawan baik aku. selalunya mamat ni ok aja ngan aku, kami takde masalah. tadi, dia nampak aku, dia sorokkan muka dia belakang dinding. macam budak2 la pulak. pehal la mamat ni?
  • exams dah nak dekat. aku ni dah ready ke?
  • macam mana aku nak spend my hols sebelum start sem baru ni? nana and mama takde. yah ada coll. aku? cari kerja ke?

la ni dah pukul 1232hours. mata dah rasa macam nak tercabut sebab mengantuk. tapi jap jap.... huarrrgghhhhh!!! (menguap secara ayu....)

dah nak tido la pulak.


Monday, November 24, 2008

i am who i am

i know that i am so poyo for writing this entry, but i just felt compelled (gawsh!!! such strong word!) to share this with you.

yes, i am weird, in some way or another. hate me, love me, like me, be with me, whatever, you know. this is me and just accept me, as is.

the 7 weird things about REd:
  1. unlike most other girls, i don't leave my toilet seat down, i leave it up. why? simply because i like my seat to be dry. if you leave it down, it takes longer to dry, and yuck!
  2. i read my magazines, newspapers, brochures, from the back page to the front. don't ask me why, i have no idea.
  3. i talk to myself when i am very very angry or stressed out.
  4. i hate combing my hair. but i love it when someone else does it for me.
  5. i love to enter contests (borderline addict). any contests, and just wait for my winning strike.
  6. i don't quite like eating with a fork
  7. i see better in the dark and my senses are much more distinct.
how weird is that?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

in Malaysia also got

remember the song that has the lyric "new york! new york", and the famous line that the americans always quote: "infact, they like the place so much that they named it twice"?

well, all of the above refers to the infamous place, NEW YORK.

and i thought that only they are so proud that they have to repeatedly say the name of the place.

sekali tengok, Malaysia also has the same thing. but as compared to new york, this place is far far far from the modern, urban set-up of "the capital of the world".

SUNGAI SUNGAI PETANI. imagine this name is put in the lyric of that song that i was mentioning earlier.

hard to imagine, no?


it's been awhile since we both last when to CS together. and since jo-ee will be having her dentistry night pretty soon, i have been appointed to be her fashion consultant. haiyaaa! why ka she choose me? even i, myself oftenly look like as if i dressed in the dark before i come out to face the world. but nevertheless, i tried my best in helping her choose the almost perfect (nothing is perfect, eh?) combo of things to wear to stand out during her D & D nite soon.

as usual, when we go out to get something, and we have ample time on our hands, what do we do? go look look see see la, what else right? and we chanced upon this shop that we MUST go to everytime we go to CS. but among those countless times that we were in this shop, we only made 2 purchases: jo-ee bought a keychain, and i bought some greeting cards. that's all...

but this time round, looks like the shop has more things to offer. and i couldn't help myself goofing around with the post-halloween stuffs that were still there. so, apa lagi, fauxtographing la. tu pun curi2 take some shots. then, the girl was like: "sorry arr miss, no camera please"

i REALLY, REALLY, want to get these specs!!. rasanya, if i were to bring it to the optician, will they put in the perscribed lenses for me? i want multicoated, antifog, unbreakable ones. can?

look at jo-ee la. serious rupa cikgu besar / guru discipline sekolah menengah. i tell you if looks could kill, i wouldn't want her to stare at me like dat. ngeri!

then, ada pulak frames yang macam nerdo ni. i tell you, if you have problems in always misplacing your glasses (once, my oaks were perched silently on my head and i was frantically looking for it and i asked my sis: "mana cermin mata kaklin arr?" she gave me that 'wth??' look and said: "atas kepala kaklin tu apa?" haiiyaaa....), this pair is just what you need. you will NEVER EVER misplace them! and plus.... people will never look at you the same way again :P

ma, always said that i got muncung panjang. especially when i am too concentrated in doing something. hey, it is not like i want to pout, it is just that it goes automatically. like even now, while i am typing this entry, i can see that my pout is growing. so i found this half mask with the longest pout that it could be mistaken as a snout heheheh..... combo with those uber thick glasses, don't you think i look hot? :P

lucky for us, these were taken right before the shop assistant noticed us fauxop-ing..... sneaky!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

pat yourselves on the back

i know this is a little delayed. but better something than nothing, eh?

i want to extend my congratulatory wishes to:

~>pott (big bro) and sha (wifey) for being preggers!! can't wait and i am sooooooooooo happy for you guys!

~>yah (??elder sister :P ) for loosing tonnes of weight!! you look fabs!

~>jo-ee for completing the half marathon during the recent penang bridge run! you did it babe! i'll join you next year!

~> amini (i know she's not gonna read this, but what the heck) for getting engaged! sorry i didn't attend. couldn't attend, more like

~> eliea for getting a new job!! i hope you are enjoying yourself here, back in Malaysia. ronggeng time here we come!!

~>jenna for finding casper in the "social gathering". you are so lucky!

~>ben (pagi crew DJ) for getting married to the love of his life, stella. eh, how come i didn't get the invi huh??

Friday, November 21, 2008

lapt dancing

i have been wanting to write about my laptop since forever. you guys might think: "OMG!! she must be so out of topic to write about, she'll be writing about her BORING lapt". and some of you might think that i'll be writing about the gigas, the megs, the progs, the feats, the games, the technos on my lapt.

well my friends, that so ain't it.

everyone, this is DELL (nama manja takde), DELL this is everyone. see, the story of me getting this lapt was like waaayyyy back (if i were to donate this, it'll actually end up being in the archives) when i was in russia. i somewhat borrowed it from my mum because it was hers initially. i didn't have me own lapt. then, as the time passed, ma got a new lapt and DELL was handed down to me.

unlike the highteched lapts of these days, DELL does not recognize DVD formats, therefore, i can't watch anything on DVDs here. only CDs. and DELL does not have built-in bluetooth, only infrared. but the cool part is, DELL has a built-in mic that never died on me, an amazing sound system that rawks my world, clear and wide screen so that i don't have to squint my eyes, and a very sensitive touch pad that i am so used to, that if i were to use a normal mouse, i won't be able to navigate my way thru.

like many other lapts, DELL also have gone thru the phase of being infected. there was an episode where i can't even access youtube. even typing in the address makes the whole system haywire. there was also the invasion of brontox and many other hybrid viruses into DELL. i have tried many ways to cure it, many times too, i just effing gave up. i was like WTH?!?!. whatever that is left, i used. whatever i can't use, i jes don't effing touch. no matter what, i still stick to DELL (mainly because it is my only source of entertainment, listening to music and playing mahjong of course).

then, like as if DELL has a life of its own, it self-cured itself. i swear i have no idea how that happened!! suddenly, i can access youtube like usual, faster, i might add. the brontox just disappeared. DELL somewhat self-meditated in a way that i can never explain. i have to be nice to it, like it has feelings of its own. if i am rough or if i treat it badly, it does not get mad at me. what it will do is far worse, it just stops working. fullstop. wow... that drives me crazy, especially when i have assigments to send in, powerpoints to prepare. i just feel like smashing it against the wall. but i think to myself: "no, i have to play nice". so sabar aja la.....

as compared to the lapts of others which are much much more canggih than mine, i think those crash easily, unlike DELL, which still persists. yes, i love my DELL. and, i am very sarcastic here, thanks to pott and yah for convincing my ma not to buy me a new lapt as my last birthday pressie. i am a heavy lapt user, why did you guys do that? it's ok, my day will come....

but for now, i am contented. DELL keeps me sane :)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

what if it were me?

i am more shocked today than i was yesterday as i saw what was this junior house officer donning for work. seriously, i am not judging her at all because hey, if she is good at what she is at, frankly, i don't mind how she dresses.

i mean, look at doctor house, he is so scruffy and rude, people mistaken him as a janitor sometimes. but because he is GREAT at what he does, he is respected and kept.

anywho, these photos might not be too clear for any judgement to take place. let me fill you in:
-the top that she is wearing is actually showing off her cleaves, just like yesterday. but at least, yesterday's top was much more formal-like.
-this top clearly looked like it is to be worn to the mall than to work in the hospital.
-her pants were sticking to her skin like superglue, i don't think if mr. pelik sees me wearing those kind of pants, he'll let me even pass the gates of HSAH.
-and she was wearing sandals that are actually thongs with heels.

tacky, no?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

jolok mata

bukan nak cakap apa la kan, doctor ni, she is a house officer. aku serious tak kisah dia nak pakai macam mana pun, janji tak over the top. semalam aku ada baca criteria pemakaian kat hospital HSAH ni. dia tulis sana, "PAKAIAN WANITA HENDAKLAH BERSESUAIAN, KEMAS, DAN TIDAK MENJOLOK MATA"

hurmmm.... takde pula dia mention, jangan pakai cuodroy, atau seluar fomal yang warna terang, atau seluar yang bercorak. tapi tak kisah la kan, whatever je la.

tapi bab dia tulis "TIDAK MENJOLOK MATA" tu, aku rasa junior house officer ni dah surpass dah part ni. kalau orang kata kat aku, cara dia pakai ni tak menjolok mata, tak tahu la aku nak kata apa kan. ok, she is a bit plump, pakai seluar pun jenis yang melekat kat kulit punya.

yang pelik tu, tak kena apa2 pulak. yang lagi pelik, as a house officer, shouldn't she be much more disciplined by the doctors? tak kena halau lak dia pakai macam ni. tak kena jerit lak dia pakai macam ni.

so, betul ke tak yang mmg derang nak kenakan aku?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

pakai macam ni?

hari ni dah hari keTIGA, iye, bukan SATU, bukan DUA, dan bukan EMPAT. tapi hari keTIGA berturut-turut aku menurut, bukan makan limau purut, eh,apa aku mengarut ni?? hari ketiga consecutively, aku pakai baju kurung pergi hospital. pagi tadi, aku rushing sikit sebab sampai lambat. aku nampak dr. hariff (pengarah HSAH), tapi aku tak tegur dia cause i was too rushing. tapi dari ekor mata, aku tau dia tengok aku pakai baju kurung. aku rasa macam happy giler.

pastu, mula la sok sek sok sek dalam kelas aku: "eh, kenapa you pakai baju kurung aja arr these days?"

jawapan aku: "because i am already up to my neck with these people"

reaksi depa: "owh...."

ok, ni bukan apa la kan, aku saja je nak minta pendapat korang la. kalau pakai gaya macam ni boleh ke? ngan rambut yang tak ikat kemas and all? sebab budak ni pernah kena tegur sekali la dengan mr. pelik tu. SEKALI je. tapi sekarang ni, pakai skirt kaler mana fancy2 pun takpe. sebab apa? sebab budak ni bukan aku. kalau aku pakai macam ni, dah tentu kena halau punya.

takpe la. cuba try aku pakai lagu ni. ntah ntah boleh masuk dok atas riba mr. pelik terus kott? haishh... tak ndak la. selisih malaikat 44. sanggup aku duduk atas kulit durian!!!

mr. pelik, aku harap hidup kau aman la kan. sebab tengok keadaan sekarang, kau ni macam psycho aja. as they say la, specialist kat alor star pun gelak kat ko. takyah nak kata la, ko nyer senior specialist pun gelak kat belakang ko. ko aja yang tak tahu. sebab apa ko tak tahu? sebab ko ni ingat dunia ni kau yang punya. berlagak sangat!

Monday, November 17, 2008

they wish....

ok ok, i know it is too early for the holiday seasons to come and invade your minds. but the other day, while we were walking, we chanced upon this little christmas tree that has small wish cards hanging all over it. i asked the manager of the eatery, how do we go about if we were to donate. he said that all we have to do is just give the bags to them and they will send it to the kids, along with the card and a message from the sender.

the kids are mostly primary school going kids and all of them need one school bag each. there are about ten wish cards that i saw hanging.

so, here i am, asking for your kind contributions in giving these kids a school bag each for them to be all jolly during the festive season. i can't quite recall the name of the orphanage, but i can assure you that this is a genuine charity contribution.

do contact me if you feel like being an angel ;)

drink your histology

typical histology slide: as you can see here, the cells are all of equal size and stained brightly with H & E staining method. there is no overcrowding of cells or cellular dysplasia that is evident. the magnification of this slide is 40x. this is how a typical healthy tissue should look like.

erkk..... why are we sipping them?!?!? because actually, this is air sirap with biji selasih. and mine is sugar-free of course!! the drink is served with crushed ice as opposed to ice cubes. a total must have to quench your thirst on a hot scorching day! and yeah, see steven, he's a meanie... heheheh

for those who have a weak stomach, don't even try this cause you may only imagine that you are drinking frog's eggs....


pray for me

hapdate: no, we didn't win. eff!!

today, at about 1600 - 2000 hours, i will get the results to the vote that you guys have generously sent in for me.

i pray that i will win.

wish me all the best!

Friday, November 14, 2008

me against the world or the world is against me?

i came across this tagline today: "me against the world". it sounds very strong and shows that the person is very confident in itself that the person dares to do things just to prove that nothing can stop him/her if the determination level has gone sky high.

i am pretty sure that i was that before. i am always wanting to be different, wanting to do things that are not in the norm, i wanted to stand out. or maybe, that is what i have been believing? i don't know. i mean, seriously, actually, i am not that daring. i am more like....reckless. i just do things at the spur of the moment. thinking comes much much later when the repercussions are starting to take place. and then i will be like: "what $h!t have i got myself into!?!"

and, people always think that i am a bunk-faced (muka tembok) kind of person. that i don't know how does it feel to be shy. that i am all forward. not really.... i am actually super shy at times. i sometimes have to swallow my gut just so that the shyness will disappear. i have very low self esteem let alone the confidence that usually hides itself when i truly need it. but when i am all geared and pumped up to be upfront about something, go on stage, talk to some people, there will always be something or someone to drain the adrenaline from inside me. and then, it is back to square one.

am i an airhead? i don't know, you tell me. many people might say that i am snobby. yes, i agree to that because these people don't know me. most of those that have finally entered "the twisted world of REd" realize that "hey, she ain't that bad. she ain't snobby at all". i didn't make this up, they tell me, so i am just telling you guys.

do i want things to happen the way I want it to happen? i am not kimora lee simmons, her opinion is the only opinion. whatever that i think should happen, is just a mere suggestion. and these suggestions, i have thought over them, including the people that are involved. ok, sometimes i might sound very pushy, maybe it is just the tone that i use to speak with. i don't mean it that way. misinterpretation always leads to miscommunication. and i don't like that because it just makes the beautiful relationship falter. if my suggestions aren't good enough, i am willing to take other opinions. hey, i don't live alone, eh? the people around me are important too.

so, is the world against me? maybe.... why do i think so? because i just feel so vulnerable. like i am gonna break anytime soon. which is so unlike me. i don't break that easily. i want to brush these thoughts away, make a barrier so that it can't invade me. somehow, there is an entry point somewhere that allows penetration of negatives that lead me to feel fragile.

get to know me. maybe then we can get along with each other, not against one another.


up to my neck in psychoses!

arrrgghhh!!! today is the day that i totally wanna get over and done with. why? cause it is the day for my continuous assesment on clinical skills lab studies and FORENSIC MEDICINE. really, FM really can psycho you out, especially when you get to see the gross sites of the crime scene. ugghh....

so, ok, just to educate all of us, i want to share some interesting infos with you guys. something to do with forensic psychiatry.

here are some terms:
confabulation - purely imaginary events or fabrications that fill the gap during pathological loss of memory

delirium - acute confusional state

delusion - a false firm belief in something that is not a fact

hypochondrial delusion - person feels that something is wrong in his/her body, though she/he is healthy

delusion of poverty - declares that one is poor when one is rich

nihillistic delusion - one declares that one does not exist and the world has no existence at all

delusion of prosecution (paranoid delusion) - one thinks that one's closest relatives is trying to kill him/her.

delusion of reference - one believes that people, things, or events happening around him/her are referred to him or her in a special indirect way

delusion of influence - one feels that one is controlled by outside power, agency, radio, hypnotized telepathy.

disorientation - impairment of the understanding of temporal, spatial, or personal relationship

erotomania - delusion in which the person believes that someone is deeply in love with him/her.developes an obsession for that particular person and starts believing that the other person is reciprocating

fugue - state of disturbed consciousness with which the person performs some acts and has no recollection of the events

hallucination - false perception without sensory stimulus.

illusion - false interpretation of an external object or stimulus which has a real existence on its own (eg: a stick for a snake)

mutilomania - an irresistible desire to mutilate animals

dipsomania - an irresistible desire to consume alcoholic drinks at periodic intervals.

~~hope these are educational and helpful for you guys!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

bedak sejuk

muka aku tengah salut dengan bedak sejuk ni. nak cakap pun susah, muka dah ketat macam baru kena botox. aku punya la posing maut tadi, tangkap gambar2 "ayu" aku ngan bedak sejuk yang dah macam tepung gomak ni. sekali tengok malu la pulak nak letak gambor2 tu, macam sedara mara pocong pun ada. kang ada yang tak tido malam jadinya.

anyway, nak hapdate pasal what happened today in the hosp la k. aku pakai baju pakistan hari ni. takde pulak setan tu datang cari aku. tapi apa yang pasti, aku masuk hospital hari ni, aku senyum aja, mmg macam ada orang plaster senyuman kat muka ni la. aku tak kisah la orang nak pandang aku macam mana. aku buat tak tau aja. tapi, sebenarnya, aku perasan, ramai "mata2" mr. pelik yang pandang aku, tengok hari ni apa wardrobe aku. ceewahhh, terasa macam celebrity pun ada.

takpe, tuhan dah kasi kelebihan kat korang, ada pandangan kan? haa...pandang la sampai juling. janji korang bahagia. alhamdulillah hari ni, takde orang gila kejar aku (mr.pelik). dia tengah sibuk kejar kuasa kott.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

he is back, stalking me.

hari ni pagi2 lagi aku dah dapat call from jo-ee, ada berita tak sedap didengar. aku dah risau, hati tak menentu. assesment friday ni, otak ke mana, aku ke mana. mula2 aku ingat tak nak clerk patient langsung, but arul ada ajak, so gi la buat satu kes: post dated pregnancy (40 weeks + 6 days). then, sebab friday ni, aku pun pergi la library hospital, pergi baca something and merembat yesterday punya cut out from the star (metro northern ed). sebab apa aku merembat? sebab aku masuk paper la kan!!! hehehe

but then, by 1030hours, aku naik tangga la dari tingkat 3 nak ke tingkat 7. kat tingkat 4, ada suara setan menyapa aku dari belakang :"awak ni tak reti pakai elok2 ka?" wtf?!!??! dialog ni lagi, suara ni lagi, setan ni lagi???

mr. pelik: he is on my back, yet again.

padahal, aku bukan dari ward dia pun. nevertheless, aku pakai cuodroy pants yang mak aku beli khas untuk pakai kat hospital, aku pakai blouse putih lengan panjang yang plain, and aku pakai labcoat yang buttoned up, aku pakai court shoes yang aku beli. salah lagi ke? untuk mr. pelik, mmg salah pun. kali ni, apa yang salah? seluar aku. dia balik2 kata aku pakai jeans. aku pun nak le defend myself kan, aku cakap ni bukan jeans, ni cuodroy. dia terus melenting bila aku bersuara.

dari the staircase, dia soh aku kuar pergi corridor, nak bersemuka ngan aku kat situ. ke nak malukan aku sebenarnya? tak habis2 lagi. semua orang macam biasa la pandang aku. dia cakap kononnya dia kesian kat aku la sebab aku ni anak melayu. kalau tak, dia dah hantar nama aku kat director general of health of malaysia, biar aku kena buang uni terus. dia balik2 sebut pasal nak tangkap gambar aku dengan seluar tu. aku tak cakap ye, aku tak cakap tak. kau nak tangkap sangat kan? kenapa tak tangkap aja? naper nak tanya2? aku tak salah. tapi tak tangkap juga. dia siap cakap lagi kat aku, takyah la nak jumpa pengarah hospital, sebab dia bukan under pengarah, dia tu consultant kat hospital tu, pengarah yang dengar cakap dia. dia cakap lagi kat aku, takyah la nak cakap kat my lecturers or my school about what he is doing to me because he is much more superior.

siap cakap lagi yang dia selalu nampak aku kat tesco, tapi dia tak kisah aku nak pakai macam mana (bukan aku bogel ke apa. aku tau la ni tempat orang kan, aku pakai seluar panjang, t-shirt biasa), tapi kat hospital pakai aku tak sesuai. eh, hello, aku pakai semua benda yang mak aku beli yang dia kata mmg pakaian professional. tetap salah juga. seriously, dia mmg stalking aku. padahal, aku pakai depan HOD pun, dia tak kata apa. kenapa si setan yang consultant ni aja, nak bising macam bangang?

macam biasa la aku kena halau. siap cakap lagi "awak jangan nak tipu saya. saya tau dalam masa 15 min, awak keluar dari hospital ni, ikut jalan depan. saya akan suruh staff saya tengok awak. kalau awak tak keluar, saya akan hantar satu email kat DG, awak akan dibuang uni terus". dalam masa dia cakap ngan aku tu, dia tak pandang langsung mata aku. dia pandang kaki aku ada la. pastu dia ada cakap lagi, dia tak nak jerit kat aku hari ni, maknanya hari lain dia nak jerit kat aku la? gila.....

sumpah, takde saper lain dalam hospital ni yang kecoh pasal apa aku pakai kecuali dia. macam mana aku pakai simple pun, tetap salah. ok fine la, mak aku kata jangan nak compare ngan orang lain, betulkan diri tu dulu. tapi masalahnya, bila student lain, pakai jeans, mmg bebetul jeans yang ketat2 tu, sama high heels, orang lain tak nampak ke? kenapa aku ni, semua orang nampak? really, dia mmg pasang mata2 untuk stalk aku. dia benci sangat aku ni kenapa?

aku dah bosan la macam ni. aku pakai semua salah.

mesti le aku sedih + marah + sakit hati kan, aku tahan diri aku tak nak membuak. aku diam. then, aku baru nak cari ketenangan, dah kena bashing lagi. i mean, please la, in this moment, i need support, at least just make me feel ok. bash me later when i am stronger, not when i am vulnerable.

and then, i can't control myself, i cried....silently.....discreetly.

ya Allah, hanya engkau yang Maha mengetahui.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

VOTE for me!!

hapdate: i have exatcly 8 days more to collect your votes!! until 17th november 2008!! please go ahead and vote ok....i am counting on you :)

i WANNA win!!!

please please please..... vote for me. i am the whisper secret number 3.

i really need this.... please VOTE.

thanks a gazillion... you guys RAWK!!

there are prizes for you guys to win too!!

spread the word and show me some LOVE!!

law of attraction

at first when jo-ee talked to me about the "law of attraction", i heard myself saying it in my head: "macam pernah dengar je dialogue ni. mama told me before, and i have heard it on the radio also by dato' dr. fadilah kamsah"

i was skeptical at first. i know it is all in the head.

true enough, it is all in the head. when you want something, you ought to think alot about it and make sure that you attrct what you want to yourself. like mama always telling me that i should attract happyness in my life by thinking positive and not talking bad about people. it is not that aku mengutuk orang belakang2 kan. but sometimes, i also have to have a go-to person, i have to let off my steam, i have to tell people what i tak puas hati kan. but most of the time, if i don't like something, i keep them to myself, and in the end, i feel miserable because i am keeping the negative energy and thoughts inside of me.

looking out to the Sarawak River, trying to attract the serenity of the place.....

and then, when jo-ee told me that look at those situations that when we want something, we pursue it, and it came to us. there are alot of situations that are like that actually, it is just that we weren't aware that they were happening. like take for example: getting 3rd place?? dude!! i didn't even think i could make it to the first 10, let alone first 3!! Alhamdulillah....

many times i heard dato' fadilah talking about attracting others' feelings towards yourself. he said that if we have hate in our minds, don't be surprised if that person will hate you back. but if you have love in your mind, then, that person will love you back. maybe not in the same way as you feel,but at least that person does not hate you eh?

so, there you go, from now on, i want to try this "law of attraction" thinga-ma-jigg. i will keep on thinking about the things that i want. and you know what i really want right now????

i want you guys to VOTE for me!!!


Saturday, November 8, 2008

aimst unity run 2008

as i said, i woke up this morning, and everything just straight went into the drain for me. i was anxious, due to the fact that we had a competitive run today. i was trying to get ready, but my things fell all over the place. i was already up to my neck with nerves. crap!! it wasn't like this last week when we were running for terry fox. wanna know why? cause terry fox was fun, unlike this run, it ain't competitive. it was all leisure up to the end.

the turn out this year wasn't that much as compared to last year. many of the last year's runners didn't run with us. and as for the category that i was in, the distance was cut shorter (from 10km to 7km). many new faces were seen running in my category. but the season marathon runners were in the same category too as they were here last year as well. all in all, there were 18 people running in my category alone.

we went there at the designated time of 0630 hours. i didn't drink anything because i can't drink before i run, i'll just perform badly. i had some plain cornflakes as my energy source. runners and organizers were already at the assembly point eventhough the sun wasn't out yet. as compared to last year, we had a warming up session with puan saodah. i want to laugh, but i know people'll say that i am mean, but what the hell right?? hehehe i laughed. really, you shud see the warming up steps, siap ada lagu dangdut lagi!! and best of all, if you were to see puan saodah, you won't want to be taking her aerobic classes because she does not live up to the name (she is horizontally challenged).

the race started at 0736 hours for my category. it was better than last year as then, it started somewhere nearing 0900 hours!! i paced myself running unlike others who sped up as soon as they hear the gunshot (terkejut kott?). so, i ran and ran.... and guess who accompanied me? well, was my running companion all throughout except for the last leg of the run when my earphones kept on falling out and i couldn't be bothered no more. while i was running, my troubled knee started giving way, but i kept on. i shouldn't let something like that stop me eh?

till the finishing line i trotted while somewhere in the middle of the running way,i interacted with the COO and VC. they did warn me not to be faster than them. but i just couldn't help it. :D

i tot i was already very slow and maybe i'll be in the first 15 as i did last year when i got number 11....but that was not the case.....

...i got number 3, yes numero trez!! raz, dva, tri!!! in my category. how unexpected!!! i was like whoa!! you go girl. jo-ee got number 2 (last year number 8).

as usual, post run is the best time for me as i can finally have something to drink. none of those sugar laden isotonics for me.air kosong pon sodapp....! i had to change me tee cause it was already drenched in sweat. i sendiri also kenot tahan my smell ... yuck!! :P

prize giving ceremony: i was donning the BRONZE medal, was given a participation cert, a hand towel, and the blahdy aimst pen. that's all? haiyaa... i tot got cash prize (that was what jo-ee said) or hamper to say the least. but a girl could only dream eh?

no worries, at least we got to get into some kind of newspaper soon. we will definitely be on the www as the reporter had mentioned earlier. see, the lady in the middle? her name's stephanie. she was number 1 last year and she still maintain her place. imagine that, we could catch up with her. with more training and of course i have to shed those fats....i'll be joining her in a tie at the finishing line next year, perhaps?

can't believe myself, i got number 3!!!

the day wasn't that bad after all....

My episode of kancheong kitchen

i woke up this morning and everything went haywire.

i was like shit!! this is it laa... my day already is in the drain.

but then again, not too soon should i be the judge. this is just one part of the good things that happened to me today. see, my episode of kancheong kitchen was finally aired!!!

lawak sial!!

go ahead and watch. mine is episode 25.

Friday, November 7, 2008

your boyfriend is my.....

....friend. close friend. special friend. whatev!!

yeah, see, they say i am a boyfriend snatcher. like wtf??!?! look, there are 2 situations and you guys be the judge of it ok.

situation 1: i have been dating fizz for i think about 2 years. and then i had to move to russia to pursue my studies. i could withstand the long distance relationship thingy, but he can't. well, i am no angel myself. after he somewhat left the question between us unanswered, i sort of start seeing someone. then i got news that he found someone else already. right...... fine with me. if that is what that is gonna make you happy, so be it.

then, it has been ages since i last saw him. i tried to contact him, just to catch up and see how's he doing. i mean, there is no harm in being friends even after the breakup right? but it was so hard to get in touch with him. finally one day, out of the blue, i saw him. we made a date to meet and chat. we were talking, hanging out... and i asked him, why was it so hard to contact you? did you change your number or something? and his answer was so pathetic: "to be honest, it is not that i don't want to contact you. but she doesn't let me. she doesn't want me to contact with you, she's scared"

OOOO...KAYYYY.... why is she so insecure? she's afraid that i'd snatch fizz away from her is it? please la, if he comes back to me, it ain't my fault lady. but seeing that fizz himseld does not have the balls to stand his rights, then why should i waste my time eh?

situation 2: this is a complicated one. my gf met this guy while going out with me. then they dated for awhile. then they broke up. we are all in a circle of friends. and seeing that they already broke up, i assumed it was ok for me to ask him to my first prom. he came and be my date. and after the prom, yuki and i hooked up. we became a couple.

so, la dee daaa... we dated, but it didn't last long. simply because he is over possessive. he wants to know where i was, who i was with, what i was doing and all that jazz. rimas ok!! so, we broke up. then, somehow, he went back to my gf (emm) and they became a couple right till now. it was a long time since we contacted each other and somehow, he got in touch with me thru facebook. he insisted that we meet up and chat, just like old times.

see, i would love to meet him, but i am pretty busy and i couldn't find time to see him just yet. but, he made a confession: our meeting must not be known to emm. she'll go beserk!! i was like, man!! where are your balls!?!?!?

same thing, she is afraid that he will come back to me. like i said, i don't call him, i don't sms him, i don't contact him, if he does not initiate it. and he will sms me like a gazillion SMSes, but i'll prolly reply just one, or not at all. why? not that i am a snob, but because i know he has a gf.

i don't snatch people's bf, that, everyone should know. and i respect that they have gfs. so, what do i do when they call me and all that shaites? i won't layan them because i know, if i were the gf, it would hurt me to know that some other girl is melayaning my bf.

so stop gossipping about me already ok. i am SINGLE and AVAILABLE, and i am not snatching nobody's bf, because i am not cheap.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


i love this song. i saw it while i was in sarawak, thanks to mama that made us wach CNN, just because she is a CNN addict :P

so, congratultions to Prez B.Obama. hope he keeps to his words and not let his followers from his own country as well as all over the world, down.

as the song said: "be the change that you want to see"

"don't just expect change, do change" ~REd (yes you can quote me on that)

i am sick

uggghhh.... i feel terrible today. despite my best effort to be myself, i feel like a load of crap, oh wait, how DOES crap feel actually? warm and mushy.... no!!! i don't feel warm and mushy, i feel my worst, that is what i feel. it all started this morning when i was in the hospital. yes, normally, i am active and i talk alot and i crack jokes and i am always here and there. but today, and 2 days before, i wasn't at all like my normal self. even saras complained: "where is alia? i don't like you like this. who are you?" speaking straight to my face.

so, we all know that i just got back from my one week HOLIDAY (this is like a GIFT). and i thought it was the holiday mood that is still stuck in me. or maybe it is because that i haven't been working out for more than a week, that i feel totally weak. but cannot be, because i was running my heart out last sunday. then, it dawned on me, literally. why wasn't i feeling peachy? it is actually an aura, perhaps. an aura to warn me about today: my head spun like mad and i was crapping almost the whole day, plus i was coughing, and i literally fell off my table when the doctor was explaining things.

after hospital, i went back home and had mama's magic pill, PANADOL. i intended to take a nap to relieve the headache. i set the alarm so that i don't miss class. usually, the sound of a pin drop could wake me up. but the alarm was just beside me and i didn't hear it. when i woke up, i was already late and therefore i missed class. i wanted to go to the clinic and take some meds as well as an MC but i couldn't even bring myself out of my room, let alone walk into campus to go to the clinic. i slept back.

by the evening, i finally woke up and i was welcomed with a throbbing headache. i hate feeling sick. i braced myself. walked out of my room, pretended like nothing happened and went about doing my chores. talked to jo-ee. did my laundry. got ready for gym. no, this sick feeling is not going to ruin my day. but before i left, i was crapping again like a leaking tap...yuck! took some antacids because i know that the acid in my stomach is gonna kill me, and off i went.

now i feel slightly better. i am not the type of person that falls sick easily nor do i succumb to the feeling of pain. but if i do get sick, it'll be the worst that anyone could contract, and if i do complain i am feeling pain, the pain is way beyond the threshold that a normal adult could handle.

so, i hope starting tomorrow i'd be ok. i can't afford to feel terrible like this. i have a run on saturday (which i am doubting myself cause i haven't been training. but i'll just give it a try) and my exams are near. feeling sick just makes me wanna be on the bed, which is totally not me.

like what saras said: "you are too passive these days, what happened la?"

hmmm.... lemme think.... I ALSO DON'T KNOW!!! help!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Terry Fox KL 2008

it was on total impulse, no plans, no frills, nothing. just a little discussion late that night, and voila! all of were there, to enjoy the morning run/walk, while promoting charity for cancer under the TERRY FOX name. i still am so glad that the girls were game to join the run that morning. it was really fun to get together after such a long hiatus of not seeing each other, especially eliea, who is a total bomb by the way, who recently just got back from the US of A with a masters in environmental engineering in her hands. you go girl!

and there was also my partner in psychotic laughter and conjouring up evil plans, kak nur. it has been say..... about 8 blahdy years that i did not face this woman. God i missed her like mad! now that she is hitched, she kinda toned down her craziness, which left me saying: "hey, what happened to you?" but she's still totally cool seeing that they are so cute as a couple and he is taking over her part as being the funny one. God, i don't even know his name, but from now on, i am gonna call him "bouncer" (seriously, he does not suit that name actually....hehehe).

before the run (as we arrived totally very early that i had my morning jog to warm up for the run. hey, don't blame me, i am a VIRGO. that is just it you know, virgos are known to be pathologically anal about being ON TIME), we saw some ducks by the lake and i was like: "hey ma, how come you are here?" heheheh. nah, this is just a little thing in the family that she is known as 'ducklin'. i wanted to get a closer shot with the ducks but there was one goose there that gave me goosebumps as it was eyeing me like mad. i don't wanna be chased by a blahdy goose that early in the day!

so, here goes, meet the GENERAL (that is the name that i have given it), my newly bought (just the day before the run) running shoes. kinda comfy, so far so good. but this is not that other thing that is still supposed to make its debut in my blog, mind :)

the sea of people that was just starting to ebb into the assembly area. at that time, my girls has already arrived. we were nit picking on the sustainance that were sponsored by some companies. there was also a stall that was selling piping hot pancakes. gawsh!! it smell was just too tempting that i wanted to get some for myself. but before the run? no way!

post run: yah and i took the ADVANCED route (naturally, we had to challenge ourselves, eh?). yes, it was CHALLENGING as the first part of the advanced route was an inclination of about 75 degree (not that i actually measured it. but my guesstimation is usually spot on). i ran about a third way up the inclination but because i haven't been to the gym for slightly over a week, i can't take it. therefore, walking up was more of a choice. and then running till the end.

i was circling the petronas table like a hawk, snatching the mineral bottles everytime i finished one. really, i didn't drink before i ran because it'll just do me hell. so, rehydration was key to keep me on my 2 feet after the run. as much as i badly needed to drink, i drank like a beached whale in dire need of fluid.

and then there was the milo booth, which EVERYONE wanted to go to. seeing that the Q was almost as long as the advanced route (about 7km), i didn't wanna join the crowd. i mean, i don't drink milo from the booth anyways, it is just laden with too much sugar and cream. but my girls managed to get in the line and surprisingly, when i caught up with them, they were almost nearing the dispenser area. talk about fast service!

with the heat still generating from my active metabolic state and the sun scorching its way thru the grey clouds that morning, i put oil to flame and heat up the situation with a session of gossiping and chit chatting and eyeing (you know what i mean) with the girls. oh, and of course not to forget, camwhorrig. wanna see more pix? go to the link "FaceMe".

as of last year, we get to rub shoulders with the celebs that attended the run. last year was with the 3R girls. this year.....

....our very own TARA participant, IDA NERINA. she is totally tight-lipped about who won. so, keep tuning to the progress of the race!!

next year's run, i'll be designing the shirts since this year's shirt was such blah! come join!

still in Sarawak, when in KL

i was half asleep when i heard: "alia! alia!"

"yeah, what?"

"get ready, we are going to go see Anita Sarawak"

"huh? o ok...." what to wear la... haishh.... it is a BLACK TIE event. and then it all started, the choosing of dress, the make-up, the accessorizing.....finally, i wore ma's LBD and my dorothy (it's the name of this fantastic pair of RED heels that i own that everyone kept on asking where i got them from!! i'll feature her later), and the necklace that mama faridah made for me, and some minimal make up, and my hair was the rock funk style.BLACK TIE or not, i still maintain being me :)

my uber hot sister: nana. she was with her heels and kept on asking me: "macam mana kaklin boleh tahan pakai heels?!?!"

the event was a charity event for the PERSATUAN ORANG2 CACAT ANGGOTA MALAYSIA (P.O.C.A.M). some event that sells tables ranging from rm10 000 (minimum) up to rm20 000 (if i am not mistaken). we were seated at the 10k table, very near the stage, woot! woot!

as we were the firsts to be there at our table, we took our seats strategically, makin sure that we face the stage and our field of vision covers the whole hall so that we can see and gosson people, like what they were wearing. hey, don't blame us, we are women... :P

would you believe if i said i had 5 of those tasty wholemeal dinner buns?!??! yeah, i am kidding. although, they are really tasty. anyway, the whole menu was funny as it was supposed to be western, but when it came, the cold plate was mexican, the soup was chinese, the main was western, and the dessert, was...... SUCK! (i didn't even want to have it naturally).

i was totally waiting for the performance to start. i thought that we would be entertain during our dinner. so, what to do, check my watch, FIX my watch actually. the screws have come loose. well, at least there was something for me to do to fill time.

tan sri s m salim was first to perform on stage. he is really getting old as his performance was not as energetic as the time when he sang with siti nur haliza. or was it because she wasn't there that he didn't perform?? hmmm.....

gordon ramsay would certainly cuss and behead the head chef of this kitchen. persentation of food was totally out and each plate had different amount of stuffs on it. the head chef totally needs a boot from hell's kitchen.

she saved the nite!! she totally did. she being, ANITA SARAWAK. every woman under 50 wonders where she gets all that energy from, every woman over 50 wants to be her. she's 55 by the way, but she does not pose as that age. she is beautiful, witty, and energetic. talking about forever green.

she came to our table and sang to uncle raman. he was like, so stoned. hehehhe. no expression at all.... bore... bore
but aunty rozi and her daughter diana however, were quite the sport. they went on stage with anita and danced to the joget song. i never knew that they were funky people to hang with. thumbs up to them for being courageous.