Tuesday, March 31, 2009
ada apa apa masalah tak ngan baju yang aku pakai tu? baju itu adalah baju kurung.
rasa macam takde kan?
tapi tadi ada nurse dah tanya budak lain:
kawan: "kami punya groupmate"
nurse: "kenapa dia tak pakai baju macam you all? kenapa baju dia kaler2?"
kawan: "erk.. kenapa dengan baju dia? dia pakai baju kurung"
nurse: "owh, dia pakai baju kurung ye. tak perasan pulak. saya ingat dia pakai baju lain"
nota: nurse tu pelik kenapa aku pakai kaler2 bila yang lain pakai hitam. ada yang pakai hijau, ada yang pakai putih. tapi sebab aku pakai lebih daru satu kaler pun nak kena soal?
gila ke apa?
pagi-pagi kelmarin, aku dah dapat sms. kalau aku dapat sms aku menang duit ke, aku dapat sms aku cuti balik vienna ke, aku dapat sms dari dia ke, takpe juga. ni aku dapat sms yang ada bibit2 nak cari gaduh. team leader lain tanya aku pasal placing kat hosp. aku pun jawap la, bearing in mind that i have to keep the best interest for my team. aku punya reason semua logik, tapi team leader lagi satu tak puas hati. kau kenapa?
then pergi hosp. aku kasi tau semua yang team aku pergi clinic atas sebab2 yang aku dah nyatakan. aku ingat team aku happy, sekali, ada pula yang dari team aku yang cakap aku tak fair pada team lain. e eh, bukan ke korang nak pergi clinic? kan ke aku dah arrange elok2 supaya kita dapat gi clinic? hmmm... pastu, team leader lain tu, datang, bawa backup untuk bomb aku. bila aku try nak xplain, tone dia dah berubah. aku pun, tinggi suara, bukan sengaja. aku mmg tengah geram masa tu. dah la aku ni tak reti nak marah sekarang. so, aku cakap "fine, you all nak pergi sangat kan? haa.. pergi clinic tu. dah, takyah nak cakap apa2. go. just take your team and go". uisshh... derang nak juga bahas ngan aku. aku just said "i don't want to hear anything. now you want to go, it's ok. my team will stay".
dua hari sebelum tu, HOD hosp cari aku. aku tak jumpa dia sebab aku tak sempat. so pagi kelmarin, masa break dari session ngan lecturer, ada senior HO cakap kat aku: "hey, boss is looking for you. he asked, where is the leader". aku pun bergegas la pergi cari HOD. gi settle sikit ngan dia, then aku gegas balik untuk sambung sama lecturer. sampai2 je kat bedside patient, dah kena bambu. tanya aku pasal perkara yang aku tak patut tau pun because it is not under pantauan aku, tapi under pantauan team leader lain. aku pulak yang kena marah. i defended myself but biasa la kan, lecturer mana leh salah, yang salah, aku juga.
habis hospital, aku balik umah, terus start paperwork yang due kelmarin. dapat assigment pagi tu, malam tu kena email kat lecturer. sambil aku tengah buat tu, dapat sms, HOD uni nak jumpa aku. fine, aku cepat2 buat kerja, aku terus menapak ke uni and jumpa HOD. aku ingat dia nak settle masalah placing ke apa. sekali, the next few words yang dia cakap, terus made me sick that i literally felt like throwing up. bukan aku exagerrate, tapi mmg aku rasa macam tu. dah cukup aku nyer tension pagi tadi, kena bomb kiri kanan, depan belakang, tetiba dapat news macam ni: "your team is going to AS to finish this posting". omg...
pergi AS tu bukan perkara senang.
satu, kena bertolak seawal jam 5am untuk sampai sana jam 6am and clerk patients dan prepare case untuk discussion. kalau dah kena tolak kul 5am, kul baper la nak bangun kan? AS dari SP ada barang sejam arr nak sampai.
dua, kena travel hari-hari sebab tgh hari ada class kat kampus. jadi duit tambang pergi sana kena tanggung sendiri. satu hari average rm13 utk tambang aja.
tiga, kat sana punya rutin, beza ngan rutin kat sp. will have to take time to adapt. lagi, kat sana takleh nak buat banyak hands-on sebab bz clerking aja. kalau kat sp, at least leh buat procedure and masuk OT. kat AS, dok dalam ward aja la. nothing much that we can learn.
empat, kalau malam ada on call, buat kat sp. tapi on call habis kul 2230hours, by the time sampai umah dah kul 2100hours. esok nak bangun awal nak pergi AS lagi. masa bila nak rest? study lagi, paperwork lagi, test lagi. bila suarakan tak puas hati ngan arrangement ni, jawapan yang dapat balik : "we are preparing you to face the real world". tapi aku tengok HO baru semua, selamba je. tak sestress kami pun.
so, nak tak nak, pergi juga AS. walau aku dah minta la, please let us go the day after, sebab berita ni amat mengejut and we nak arrange transport lagi, nak get to know the place lagi. still dia nak kami pergi the next day juga. which we did, albeit rasa kekok cause masa sampai, patient semua tido. kena tunggu patient bangun baru leh clerk. sekali tgk, HOD uni yang sibuk soh kami gi AS dengan tak menyempat nya tu, dia pulak yang tak datang. demam. aku la yang disuruh arrange supaya hospital staff amik kami. haish.... otak aku masa tu dah nak kaput pun ada juga.
bila aku buat atau suggest atau request something, aku tau the reason kenapa aku buat benda ni. bukan ikut suka2 aku je. aku fikir pasal t/jawap aku. tapi, orang nak push aku, takpe, aku terima. what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. cuma, when i am pushed against the wall like this, and the pushing is actually leaving indentation marks in the wall, which only means that they are pushing me way too hard, it is difficult for me to comprehend. i am only human anyways. bukan aku tak suka orang percaya kat aku sampai kasi aku jawatan. bukan aku complain. but aku pun ada juga limit nya. aku pun ada juga reti rasa sakit hatinya.
last2, pagi tu, aku panggil meeting sama team aku, aku minta maaf. kenapa? aku minta maaf sebab aku tinggi suara.
haishh... serious aku tak reti macam mana nak marah dah ni.
too much input, i don't even have an output.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
hari~hari aku tengok gambar ni sebab
hari~hari gambar ni adalah gambar desktop aku, dan
hari~hari aku bayangkan alangkah bestnya kalau
hari~hari aku dapat jalan2 kat tempat ni dengan dia, tapi dia bukan nya
hari~hari ada kat sini atau
hari~hari pergi ke tempat tu, jadi aku hanya mampu menghitung
hari~hari yang tinggal sehingga kami dapat bersama-sama
There'll be girls across the nation
That will eat this up
Babe I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up and
Get down to the heart of it,
No it's my heart you're shit out of your luck
Don't make me tell you again my love love love love.
Love love love love.
I am aiming to be somebody that somebody trusts
With her delicate soul
I don't claim to know much except soon as you start
To make room for the parts
That aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of
Love love love love
Love Love love love
Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's
I do it for Love
We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us
But sensible sells so could you kindly shut up
And get started
At keeping your part of the bargain aw please
You're killing me sweetly with love love love love
Love love love love
Only thing I ever could need only one good thing
Worth trying to be
I do it for Love
Started as a flicker meant to be a flame
Skin has gotten thicker but it burns the same
Still a baby in a cradle got to take my first fall
Baby's getting next to nowhere with her back
Against the wall.
You meant to make me happy make me sad.
Want to make it better better so bad.
But save your resolutions for your never new year
There is only one solution I can see here.
Love you're all I ever could need only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's
I do it for love, love, love, love
Oh, only gonna get get what you give away,
So give love, love
Only gonna get get what you give away
funny how human being can find the opportunity to make money, anyway possible. so, yeah, the in-thing now is to "go green". everywhere you go, you'll see that this company supports going green, that company is all about going green, and all that jazz. yes, all that jazz...
seriously, if you really want to support going green, do it sincerely. yes, malaysians give out plastic carrier bags like nobody's efffing business. even if you buy ONE small canned drink, they MUST give it to you in a plastic carrier bag. and what do you immediately do after that? take the drink out and discard the bag, even before you step out of the shop. so, what was the purpose of the plastic carrier bag? please, enlighten me.
and now that everyone is going green, they start selling the fancy schmacy reusable bags, that are made out of cloth. and mind, they are not cheap to start off with! infact, they carry the label of that company, so in other words, you are paying them, AND doing them free advert. who's the dumb@$$ now?
and this rm3.99
really?? care for the environment or care to make your profits larger?
see, in europe, when you shop, it is either you bring your own carrier bags or you must actually pay for the plastic carrier bags. now, this is the right measure to go green. people won't want to spend money on the bags, therefore they are coerced into bringing their own. this saves your pocket, and the environment. it is a win-win situation.
so malaysia? when are we doing this?
and then back to the earth hour thingy. wow, this is also a profit hole! restos, cafes, malls, are holding up events and opening up their doors "in support" of the earth hour.
if you ask me, they are actually using more energy than actually saving it. totally don't understand the mindset here la...
*nang bu ti nang, kui bu ti kui....
Friday, March 27, 2009
aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu
dan tak pernah ku sesali itu
seluruh jiwa telah kuserahkan
menggenggam janji setiaku
ku mohon jangan jadikan semua ini
alasan kau menyakitiku
meski pun cintamu tak hanya untukku
tapi cobalah sejenak mengerti
bila rasaku ini rasamu
sanggupkah engkau menahan sakitnya
terkhianati cinta yang kau jaga
coba bayangkan kembali
betapa hancurnya hati ini kasih
semua telah terjadi
aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu
"eh, are you guys joining the earth hour thingy on saturday, 28-03-09? my friends and i are going to join in"
REd - "hmm, i have been trying to save the environment since i don't know when, this earth hour thing just don't cut it"
"eh, ya la. i also don't see the purpose of doing it"
REd - "but if you haven't been recycling or saving resources or saving energy, then i would strongly suggest you join this earth hour la"
"oh, like that is it? ok ok...."
so, i am pretty sure that everyone has heard about this earth hour thing right? in malaysia, you are supposed to switch off all your electrical appliances for 1 whole hour starting from 2030hours up to 2130 hours, in order to stop the waste of energy. good for the cause, good for the earth.
prior to this earth hour day that is like, TOMORROW, they are alot of energy wastage and resource wastage that has been going on, just to "support" this earth hour day and also to tell people about it. see, take for example, the amount of FRESH paper that is used to print out notices around the campus, buildings about the fact that they are going to switch off the main switch and to encourage people to join in the cause. if the notices were handwritten or printed on RECYCLED paper, then, that would not go against the whole purpose of saving the environment.
also, there are all those celebrities that are on air, promoting and urging people to join in. think about it. how much energy do they use to call these celebrities, or if the celebrities are required to be in the studio to record the messages, the amount of unnecessary gas emission that happens during travel, the energy that is used to do the recording, to replay it on air. do you think that the 1 hour, that God knows how many people are actually participating in this cause, will actually make a difference to compensate the energy uses prior to it?
and then, they ask you to go register yourself on the net just to join in the cause. what for? if there was a relevant reason for this, then, ok la. but if it was just for show or to estimate how much power that is going to be saved, seriously, the energy that is used to go online, to register, and what if after registering (just for being in the "in group") people don't actually participate in that whole hour, all the energy go to waste?
haiyaa... talk about being so hyped up and then defeating the REAL purpose. this is a GRAND example.
you want to save the environment, start on your own. then, when you are consistent in it, encourage ONE friend/family member, and the chain goes on. doing it for one day does not put an impact in today's mindset.
start by plugging off your appliances when not in use. even if you out of your room for awhile, switch off the fan/lights. if you are on the net, instead of using google, use the homepage, www.blackle.com (it looks way too cool anyway). when charging your phone, switch it off. it uses less energy that way and it will save your batt's lifespan. do you really need AC and fan switched on SIMULTANEOUSLY? unless you are full of blubber, i don't think you need that. sweat a little, it is good for your health.
they are many other ways to save the environment, save the earth, and ultimately, save yourselves....
it is just that you have to be sincere about it. not doing it because everyone is doing it, only for that MOMENT.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
but to my dismay, what was supposed to be a 300-something-words article, became a barely-there-180-words article. hell, they even changed the title of my article which was creatively put as "we are not trashy, we recycle", that was supposed to attract attention, to "don't trash it". omg.....
geram or not? of course la geram. i was told to write the article overnight and was pressed for time to hand it in. but when i saw the small little column that barely fits my uber long name, i was like.... no more next time. you go and write your own article dear editor.
for those who are interested in actually reading the real thing, click here
Sunday, March 22, 2009
1- alia (apa lg kn?)
2- lia (manja sket bunyinya)
3- babe (bukan babe sgt pon :P )
4- REd (kwn2 blog arr)
FOUR MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:
1- 19.09 (mine)
2- 06.05 (mama's)
3- 27.10 (nana's)
4- 27.04 (yah's)
FOUR THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
1- try different connections
2- sms him
3- tahan sakit tangan
4- makan asam on empty stomach
FOUR WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1- be calm
2- attract the +ve
3- he makes me smile
4- play the guitar
FOUR GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
2- lady's chronograph watch (guess or tag heuer)
3- a car
4- a ring
FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1- cuba benda baru
2- cari pasal
3- memburu hantu
FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
2- perth (hawtness, mana tkt i?)
3- mount everest
FOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:
1- any lite soda pop
2- limau ais
3- kopi 'o' kaww
4- air asam boi
FOUR THINGS ALWAYS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
1- hand lotion
4- payung tak guna
FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
TOP FOUR HANGOUTS:
2- diabetic clinic
3- patient's bedside
4- VC's office (mmg budak bermasalah... Xp )
TOP FOUR U LOVE SO MUCH:
1- mama, yah, nana, abah, ucu, leya
2- dia yang buat aku glowing with happyness
3- kings, ain, rozel, eliea, jo-ee, saras, arul
4- dia yang buat ku berubah kepada yang lebih elok
TOP FOUR "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU:
1- my necklace
3- my marathon medals
4- my apparent happyness
TOP FOUR WHO YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
*bukan apa, org yang nk ditag, semua dh ditag oleh orang lain... :P
TOP FOUR REASONS WHY YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:
1- hawtness suruh
2- terima pujukan djambu
3- nk tgk berapa lama it takes to do this with just one hand
4- dah kena tag, buat arrr :P
Friday, March 20, 2009
this is my necklace that i am wearing now. see the things that i hang on it. i love the collection of pendants that i have on this particular necklace.
so, here's the story... starting from the right....
the heart: it came along with the necklace and it was a gift from mama. i can't quite remember the occasion. both are made of white gold. on the heart is written the word "LOVE".
the butterfly: this is actually a piece that came off from an earstud which i bought in the old arbat street in moscow. it was a cold winter day and i loved the butterfly earstuds so much that i paid a hefty amount to get it. it is made of silver
the rose quartz: it is an odd piece of rose quartz that i bought in a flea market in amcorp mall. it is supposed to attract love. that is what the chinese precious-stone experts said....
the A: is for ALIA, my name. bought it in uptown KL. made of silver.
the shell: was given to me by ma faridah as a gift from new zealand. it has it's own string necklace but i put it together on this necklace. ma faridah made the necklace on her own while she was there. i love it.
the abacus: i recently bought this here. i saw it, and i knew that it belonged on my necklace. it is made of stainless steel. it doesn't mean that i am a calculative person. but it means that i count all the blessings that are upon me, and i am contented with my life right now. of course i do wish for more and to be better. but if what i want does not happen or come to me, i must make the best of what i have.
footnote: i really love wearing a necklace with unique pendant(s). i am still in search for more. the ultimate one is an owl, which i still haven't got. T_T
sudden onset of hyperpyrexia.
the only way i could manage it (as i just thot of it today), is to put it in the fridge for 10mins to at least cool it down a little. it is working for now. if it flatlines on me, i will be in a rutt as CHOKIA connects people.
can someone help me out here?
disclaimer:there is something wrong with the net at home, therefore the depletion in number of entries. i am using campus net now, which is surprisingly better ehhehe....
2 days ago:
i was awake by 0430 hours. did the usual stuffs to pass time. at around 0530 - 0600, i heard and saw the silhouette of a person walking at the back alley of my house. i wasn't quick enough to peep thru the window to see who it was, or rather, i was actually afraid to do so. he passed our house twice in the time span of 10mins. why would anyone do that so early in the morning? i assume it is the stalker, back to do his thing.
sometime in the noon, i had to meet up with a higher authority. i jumped the gun initially, but somehow in the back of my head, i sort of knew why i was to be seen. apparently, and to my surprise, people here actually read my blog. wow... sugoi! i was told to delete an entry from my blog because it concerns medical ethics. although i didn't mention anything that has to do with the institution, i had to bring it down, regardless. which i did. i now i wonder again: is my blog being monitored or what?
at night, YY just got back and rushed straight to my room and called me to look at something that was happening at the house opposite us. we saw a teenager trying to climb into the house. he was oblivious to the fact that there are people watching. joee went to get the remote to sound the alarm to scare him off. but before we could do that, he was gone. what was he thinking?
one day ago:
i was surfing the net sometime around 0545hours, when i heard a car pull up infront of the neighbour's house. i heard a crushing sound and i looked out, i thot the car ran over something. it was a good 10mins that the car was outside there. it was a black sedan, but i couldn't see the plate number. i thot the car was waiting for someone, so i let it be. then i heard a car alarm went off, which i disregarded again. as i walked out the house at about 0700hours, i was shocked to see that my neighbour's car was broken into. they smashed his window and they ransacked his car. took his smart tag and road tax sticker. after a report was lodged, we found out that in the same occasion, 2 other cars were targeted as well. one car was stolen, and the other car was also broken into. and i was blur enough not to do anything about it. guilty....
in the hospital, i was "attacked" by mates (and i didn't even noticed that they'd noticed) asking me Qs like:
"why are you so happy now?"
"how come you are so calm?"
"you look different"
"are you in love?"
REd: "erkkk...." *smiling from ear to ear and blushing as red as a cherry
got an sms saying that i will know something. something major. until now, i am in the depths of worry to know, but still i am kept at the edge of my chair.
what is it? tell me already....
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
ada ke, tadi kami g clinics. aku masuk bilik HOD. fon aku off la kan. sebelum aku turun gi clinics, ex-group leader tu, soh aku tanya HOD apa program untuk group derang esok. aku dah tanya dah, and of course i will tell her later as masa tu, she herself ada bedside ngan doctor lain.
tetiba, tengah2 clinic tu, dia munculkan diri, masuk bilik HOD, yang masa tu tengah busy, dengan tujuan nak tanya pasal esok nyer program. kau biar benar. kan ke tu menunjukkan ada frail dalam kerjasama. bukan aku tak nak kasi tau kau. aku bukan macam tu. aku tau t/jawap aku. i will tell you later. kita ada klass sama2 nnt kan? sabaq la sikit. sebelum HOD sempat notice kehadiran dia, aku dah soh dia excuse herself from his room.
mana adab kau?
habis clinics, aku on fon, baru la terima msg dia.
len kali, kalau tak sabar sangat, kau call la fon orang lain yang sama ngan aku masa tu. takyah la kau nak tunjuk taring lak kat sana. tolong la mature kan pemikiran ko tu sikit.
tak malu ka?
we are worlds apart now, but we will never be apart as sisters. ever...
btw, do you see the resemblance?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
1. Last beverage→ air paip
2. Last phone call→ amira
3. Last text message→ beh boon ping
4. Last song you listened to→ just dance (lady gagak)
5. Last time you cried→ last week tgk cerita HEART
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice→ no
7. Been cheated on?→ Yes
8. Kissed someone?→ Yes
9. Lost someone special?→ Yes
10. Been depressed?→ Yes
11. Been drunk and threw up?→ hell no
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
16. Made new friends→ Yes
17. Fallen out of love→ yes
18. Laughed until you cried→ no
19. Met someone who changed you→ Yes
20. Found out who your true friends were→ Yes
21. Found out someone was talking about you→ Yes
22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ Yes
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life→ 75%
24. How many kids do you want to have→ can't really think of a number
25. Do you have any pets→ Nope
26. Do you want to change your name→ No
27. What did you do for your last birthday→ had shabu shabu with the family
28. What time did you wake up today→ 0500hours
29. What were you doing at midnight last night→ reading
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for-> mid year....and then, we can talk.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life→ Nak kurus laaa (sama la kita hawtness!)
32. What are you listening to right now→ the sound of my fan
33. Ever talked to a person named Tom→ no
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?→ uncertainties
35. Most visited webpage→ iGoogle
36. What's your name→ Alia Asha'ari
37. Nicknames→ Lia, REd, Marlyne, lynn, alisha
38. Relationship Status→ Single
39. Zodiac sign→ virgo
40. Male or female or transgendered→ Female trapped in a male's ego
41. Primary→ SSP
42. Middle School→ SMPSA
43. High school→ KTJ
44. Hair color→ Dark brown
45. Long or short→ Long
46. Height→ 169cm
47. Do you have a crush on someone?→ Yes la kott...
48: What do you like about yourself?→ my eyes
49. Piercings→ banyak ni
50. Tattoos→ No (why la.... i want!!!)
51. Right handed or left handed→ Right
52. First surgery→ vein stripping because of varicose veins
53. First piercing→ can't remember
54. First best friends→ an indian girl
55. First sport you joined→ bola baling
56. First pet→ rabbit
57. First vacation→ bangkok
58. First concert→ michael jackson in singapore
59. First crush→ joe 4U2C
60. Eating→ No
61. Drinking→ no
62. Already missing–> nana
63. I'm about to→ read my materials
64. Listening to→ kan ke dah jawap tadi, bunyi kipas aku
65. Waiting for→ To see him
YOUR FUTURE :
67. Want kids?→ Yes
68. Want to get married?→ kalau ada jodoh
69. Careers in mind?→ head surgeon
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
70. Lips or eyes→ lips
71. Hugs or kisses→ hugs, then kisses
72. Shorter or taller→ prefer taller. but i am not choosy
73. Older or Younger→ doesn't matter
74. Romantic or spontaneous→ spontaneously romantic
75. Nice stomach or nice arms→ arms for those lovely hugs
76. Sensitive or loud→ sensitive to my feelings
77. Hook-up or relationship→ Relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Neither
HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger→ if BURN the radio dj kissed me on the cheek, is that considered a stranger?
80. Drank hard liquor→ No
81. Lost Glasses/contacts–> Yes (many times)
82. Had sex on 1st date-> NO (i am a virgin lorr)
83. Broken someone's heart→ Yes
84. Had your own heart broken→ Yes
85. Been arrested→ No
86. Turned someone down→ Yes
87. Cried when someone died→ Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a girl?→ kinda
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself→ Yes, sometimes
90. Miracles→ Sometimes
91. Love at first sight→ yes
92. Heaven→ Yes
93. Santa Clause→ No
94. Kiss on the first date?→ yes
95. Sex on the first date?-> No (wth?)
96. Angels→ yeah
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ Yes (really....)
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?→ No
99. Believe in God?-> Yes
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → no
ni yang aku nak melompat lebih tinggi ni!!!
serious, kalau malam kang tak dapat nak upload, aku gigit frame pintu bilik ni sampai kopak. nasib kau la pintu (serious takde kena mengena ngan masalah yang aku alami sekarang ini).
Monday, March 16, 2009
so, my topic was PARANOIA and i am pretty sure you guys know why. when i went to the seminar room to present, guess what, the group wasn't even ready with theirs. talk about group work?!?! they even asked for extra time to compile their work. haa!! my slides were done just that morning, and i can tell you that i did a hell lot better than them.
after i presented, i excused myself from the seminar room. i didn't want to hear what they had to say.
i am proud of myself to say the least. they think they can jeopardize my marks by giving me the short end of the stick? well, they sure as hell don't know me. i thrive under pressure.
p/s: i am new at this embedding thing for ppt. so, please excuse the appearance. as you can see, they are some words that are overlapped by the pictures. so sorry. but i hope you enjoy it!
"meh la,duduk sini, aku nak cakap sikit"
*duduk sebelah saras
"alia, ada kawan aku tu kan, aku nampak dia dah makin ayu la"
"ada la kawan aku tu" *sambil memandang intensely ke arah REd
*muka dah panas, tanda blushing sedang berlaku. gelak tak henti sebab tengah segan gila.
"it is so damn obvious in your face alia. tadi i was looking at you while you were standing there beside dr. arul. you look so different, kau macam makin lembut. and aku dah lama tak dengar kau cakap "eff". aku rasa the last you said that was in padang terap. kau suka someone kan? it is so obvious.... whatever/whoever it is, how is the progression?"
"eh, mana ada, aku sama je la. mana ada ubah apa2"
"please, ada la. so macam mana?"
"ermm... progressing well, i guess"
*smiling from ear to ear
"aku tak caya la, jom aku nak tanya orang lain, is it really that i have changed"
*berjalan with saras ke arah arul
"cuba la kau tanya dia"
"arul, alia looks different right, now?"
"yeap. whatever it is, it is radiating on her face"
*muka mmg dah panas dah. o m g!!
**but this is good, no?
***no matter what, i am happy. and i am glad that this happyness is changing me to be better....
~berada di awangan....~
Saturday, March 14, 2009
ok call me lame, but i watched 'HEART' and at first i was criticising it for being oh-so-typical, but in the end when Farel read Rachel's letter to him, actual tears were flowing down in streams on my cheeks. not that i was faking it but it was for real! i was shocked myself, i wanted it to stop. instead, i was in a steady fit of sobs. talking about emo.... haishhh....
then, the phone started buzzing in with calls and SMSes. thanks to those that kept me occupied last nite, i really appreciate it. epecially mama, who was so worried about me being alone. but as she said, God will never put us in a situation that we can never handle. and yes, i handled my being alone in a house that has a permanent peeping tom as a frequent uninvited guess, very well.
this week, it is my 7-days week. since last sunday, i have been having classes and hospitals. this is only me as i have uni subjects to complete. and being as anal as they can ever be, they wouldn't exampt me from subjects that i don't think i need schooling in. not to say that i am great at it, but because others aren't, we are made to sit for 36 hours classes of english. shoot me.
and today, i am not alone as jo-ee made her way back earlier. she had a strong hunch that the psycho is coming back tonite and she is so dead worried that i am alone. but i kept on telling her that everything seemed fine since last nite. nevertheless, it was nice to know that she cares for me that much. talk about good friends, this is a GREAT friend. others, don't be jealous you don't have one like her :) . thanks for coming back babe.
people say that when a woman is happy, it shows in her face and her personality. and i have been getting remarks from those who are close to me here that yeah, i am different now. i have become more softy (?elegant) and more subtle. they always catch me smiling for no reason... erk... this is good i hope? hehehe
Friday, March 13, 2009
malam esok: aku akan sorang lagi kat rumah
malam lusa: aku takkan sorang lagi kat umah sebab isnin ada klass. so derang balik.
derang gi mana? ntah....
hanya ada aku, DELL, scarlett, alarm system, dan kerja yang berlambak.
saper nak teman? meh....
Thursday, March 12, 2009
energy level: low
patience: almost empty
rage: brimming the surface
why: because i just got an effing SMS from these effing people who are so effing dumb and such liars that they think they can flick me like a speck of dust. we ARE supposed to be in a group to do a presentation but about 10mins ago, she told me to prepare my own presentation and present tomorrow. then, when asked why didn't she inform me earlier, her stupid answer, as stupid as she is, "owh, we oso jes get to know an hour ago". EF YOU la! you got my number,i don't have yours. you shud have called me if you think i should be on my own. what do you mean that you just got to know? this project is entirely yours to decide when to be presented. i am sure that you and your effing Kelly Ngs gang knew about this and want to present tomorrow rite? you want me to play in your twisted game? fine!! prepare for me to be truly honest with the tutor tomorrow. if you wanna play dirty, i can play FILTHY....
i hope you rot in hell.
yes, i am very angry right now.
hawtness tag aku hari ni, and aku rasa this "album cover" of mine mmg super kena la ngan aku. bak kata orang la, it is soooo REd!
Band: CAOS Linux
Title: Labour Day Weekend
1 - Open http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.(alternatively, if the first article you hit is short, hit Random Article two more times.)
2 - Open http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Open http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Use photoshop/paint or similar to put it all together.
5 - Post it to ur Blog with Title "My Debut Album" and TAG 10 person.
REd nak tag:
- abang Fazz
kalau tak buat... tak nak kawan! hmmppphhh!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
kalau aku, bunyi yang paling slight pun, aku dah on the guard. malam2 mmg aku tak nyenyak arr tido, memantau, kalau2 ada ternampak kelibat si saiko tu. YY pulak, asal dia bangun je, dia mesti check tingkap depan and tingkap belakang, just to make sure that he is not there. jo-ee, sama macam aku juga, tak nyenyak tido and mula dengar2 macam ada orang je jalan2 kat lorong belakang umah ni.
no, we are not loosing our minds. we are just loosing our sanity because of the saiko.
tadi, aku kat klass, jo-ee call, tanya is it ok if they set up the main box for the alarm system in my room. hari ni the alarm people came to buat survey and see how many trigger points should be set up and macam mana nak buat zoning and all. aku ingat, they buat survey je... mana tau... sekali aku balik, dengan plan nak tido because i was so sleepy, aku tgk umah penuh ngan tech people tengah set up the system. wah!!! this is what we call impulse shopping!!
yes, rumah ni ada alarm sekarang. mmg ye, rumah kami di sini adalah rumah student yang tercanggih, lengkap dengan macam2 benda yang umah student lain tak ada (kalau nak compare ngan tempat ni la...).
sekarang ada satu lagi paranoia: takut kalau alarm tu bising if we tak tahu how to work the thing.
Monday, March 9, 2009
The first time i knew you were there
I didn't want to actually look at you
Afraid that i would stare
I tried my best to look away
But even when i closed my eyes
You are there
Stuck on my mind
Stuck in my heart
**I think this is crazy, and I like crazy
This feeling i can't explain
This need to be with you
This infatuated by you
I count the hours that we have left
And every minute I want to spend with you
My heart breaks when I think of it
But what the hell, I barely even know you
Please promise me this
Promise me that one special kiss
The kiss that won't break my heart
The kiss that keeps us close when we are apart
I wish I could explain
This feeling of mine
This infatuated by you.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
i was alone at home last nite. kinda tired but very wide awake. so, instead of dumping my stuffs and jump right into bed, i started cleaning up my room. sweeping the cobwebs (and to think that i left the house for only 2 effing days!!), the floor, wiping the table, and going online. at intervals of 15-20mins, i keep on silencing all possible source of sound (i.e. my fon and my lapt), just to listen to the dead of night, or maybe catch the sneaky movements of the psycho. i even peeped out from the kitchen window, just incase i could catch him on camera.
none. thank God.
but as i was trying to get some shut eye (finally) at around half past 2 in the morn, i keep on hearing weird sounds. i was really sleepy at that point of time but as soon as i dozed off, i was awaken by sounds that make me wanna jump and be on the ready for the defense. when i muster the courage to check where those sounds came from, i found out that as the night is so silent, even tiny creatures like lizards and bugs could conjure up sounds that immitate the attempt of someone walking silently in the house. blah! i was fooled by these sounds, not once, not twice, but many times. untill it was finally time to get ready for class, i wasn't sleeping well.
but another thing that i noticed: the patrol police aren't doing their patrolling no more. hmm... so much for hot hot chicken shit, eh?
the student lane (where my house is) is currently rather empty as many of the students are off for the long weekend. lucky them! i am one of the few that has today as a working day and tomorrow off. what a weird way to spend the long weekend eh? kedah shud have just made friday as a working day and sunday off. i mean, if they could be very flexible in Russia, why can't they practice the same in Kedah. haiyaa... what a comparison la!
anywho, i am not alone tonite (i hope), as YY is here. she was actually waiting for me yesterday. but since i came back rather late, she tot that i wasn't coming back till tomorrow. so, she left for her fren's place to spend the nite. so, tonite, it'll be me and her. i hope i get a better nite's sleep tonite.
and i PRAY that this paranoia wears off! it is so effing annoying!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
many days before i met him, i mentally prepared myself of meeting him. i don't quite know what to expect. but from the daily reports that i got from mama, bib, and yah, he sounds very fragile, very overwhelmed with the whole situation, very quiet. that just sounds really different from what he used to be.
if you are lucky enough to get to know Bapak, he is a very jovial person, he is the life of the party. he cracks jokes all the time. when there is a sad situation, he is able to turn those downturned smiles, downside up. when someone is in trouble, he is there to lend a helping hand. when you don't know how to swim, he makes it so that you can swim as a fish in the next week. when you don't have a ride to balik kampung during those peak raya seasons, he flies you back in his chopper. if you have a fear of flying, he takes you in his personal plane and let you manouver the plane with his guidance. when you need someone to talk to, he is there for you to pour your heart out. he is the bind that keeps you together.
i can't remember times when i actually see him sad. because all i remember is his smile and his laughter that is somewhat contagious.
but yesterday, when i saw him, whatever that i have mentally prepared to say to him, just seemed to ebb away from my hippocampus. seeing him lying on the sofa, all thin and fragile, sleeping, my heart just broke like a shattered glass. he finally woke up after awhile. i went there, salam his hand, kiss his cheeks (they felt hollow), hugged him tight, which before, he usually reciprocates with a double whammo bear hug. but this time round, his hug was as light as a feathery touch. i don't even know what to say to him.
he sat there, quite. i moved away, trying to blend into other conversations with the others. but i can't. my mind was thinking of Bapak, the before and the now. from far, i took long looks at him. who is that person? i am afraid to be near him, afraid that i might hurt him. although, spirits were high around him, the smile just never appears. maybe because he physically can't do it due to the radiotherapy. i was already crying inside my heart.
finally when we left, i gave him kisses and another hug. i don't want to say the same things that others have whispered to him, again and again: "be strong, just abit more". instead i said: "i love you so much" but i doubt he heard me clearly because at that point, i was already choking on my words. still, i held back the emotions. he can't see me cry, we have to be his strength.
at night, when i finally upload his pictures on my lapt, i looked at his before, remembered his before, and compare it to his now. i keep on repeating the pictures again and again. my eyes burned, my cheeks felt wet. what is that? my tears start flowing....
Friday, March 6, 2009
students are infamous in pretending to listen and concentrate but at that exact moment, we are actually in slumberland. there are the regulars from my batch that are well known to do this, that only the other students will notice. the lecturers do not have a clue!! well, i am not an exception. i fall in the same category too.
some are really excellent at it that they can manage to stay upright for the whole duration. and the glasses do play a role in covering those droopy eyelids.
some, do it less subtly and do get a few passing nasty comments from lecturers who are rather observant. the sleepy look on this guy's face just blows off the cover.
some, who just don't even bother, comfort over covering, just go for the whole shibang! put your head on the table, or sit way too low on the chair, anything for that few minutes of shut eye. and the best part is, he actually snores! this guy is just so damn cute, you can never get mad at him. even the lecturers can't blow off their steam at him!!
as for me.... i am in the headbangers category. but my head tends to bang too vigorously that i can hear people snickering at me when i finally wake up. and during these times where i am awake most of the time in the mid of nite to keep an eye on the pyscho, i can't afford being a headbanger anymore. i just lay myself to sleep, with or without the lecturer there. sorry!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
pukul 4pagi aku bangun lagi. mmg takleh nak tido terfikirkan psycho tu. aku intip kat tingkap. still no signs of him. dalam pukul 12tgh malam tu, the civillian police came on their bikes. aku tak jumpa derang, but jo-ee did. good to know that they are doing their jobs.
semalam juga peeps and zulis teman aku online. thanks guys. tapi peeps bukan la actually teman. dia beritahu aku berita sedih. kesian dia.... Chewie dah mati kena gigit ngan stray dogs. sorry peeps. he is in a better place. trust me.
aku pun ada berita sedih juga. bodoh arr... apa punya sistem pun tak tau. cuti kat kedah tak berterusan. we have friday, saturday, monday off. tapi sunday ada hospital. and yang lagi cacat tu, since i am still in the DHO posting, friday is a campus day. so kira, cuti aku is only saturday, monday. aku nak balik KL. aku nak tengok adik aku, aku nak tengok bapak, aku nak tengok family lain yang aku dah janji since last week that i will be coming back. sekarang, i am in a rut, tak tahu nak balik ke tidak. aku takleh nak skip sunday since it is the first day of hospital and i have been chosen to be group leader by my peers for this posting. takkan aku nak lepas tangan and ponteng kan. and takkan aku tak nak amik challenge of being a group leader as this posting (orthopaedics), is known to have the toughest lectures to deal with ever!
pastu, tadi package from Rozel baru sampai. penuh ngan 2009 calender. this is our project. we took pictures of her cats, made it into a calender and we are selling it in support of Rumah Baitul Kasih. this orphanage mmg tak dapat funds dari mana2. it is solely relying on the good people who donates to them. so kalau saper2 nak beli this calender, please contact me k. aku tau it is already march. but remember that we are not taking any profit at all. 100% of the money that we make out of selling the calenders are given to the orphanage. any takers?
bnyk responsibilities that is testing my sanity sekarang. but i am holding on. this is just a minor part of it.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
sambil aku menunggu, aku buat benda lain. siapkan aku nyer presentation. tengok scrubs, baca SMSes in my inbox (ye, aku mmg tengah sangap. walaupun I needed to start reading something already for my next posting hehehe). every 10mins, I checked the windows and jo-ee’s room. I walked as silently as I can, to not scare him away, just incase if he were around. I waited for a little over an hour, and there were no signs of him. but I did hear some noises, which I checked, still, he wasn’t there.
aku tido balik.
pukul 0615hours, jam aku bunyi. I woke up and prepared my breakfast. about 5mins later, jo-ee joined me. I told her that he didn’t come. while I went to the loo, jo-ee was preparing her breakfast in the kitchen. I heard the sound of glass popping and I heard her scream. I thought she broke something and she came running straight into my room. she said that he was there! crouching right outside our back fence. as soon as I check, of course he was long gone. we then checked the area. the things that we saw were disturbing.
the fence was crooked, signs that he did try to climb into our premise. Where she saw him crouching, there were cigarette stubs and an empty liquor bottle. clearly, he does this regularly and that spot seems to be his lepak spot. according to jo-ee, he looked like a pendatang. maybe a Bangladeshi or a nepali.
we called the police to alert them of the situation and the comment that we got was: “kami ada banyak lagi kes lain yang nak kena pantau. kami tak boleh nak attend semua kes yang datang pada kami” WTF!? we even queried if the promised patrol car did their rounds or not. lucky the answer was no. cause if they lied, they are in trouble, as I was up, waiting for the psycho and signs of the patrol car. none of these were to be seen. we made more phone calls and finally the police of Kuala Muda district came to our attention. they came and asked us a few questions and we showed them our findings. they took pictures and told us to secure all the locks. they even explain that sometime, they are police patrolling the area as civilians, that was why we didn’t notice them. but next time, they will make sure that these undercover police will notify us while they are doing their routine patrol.
yes, the psycho is getting more bold and daring.
we, on the other hand, are getting nowhere near to pinning him down.
tonight, we will try another plan to lure him into our trap.
Monday, March 2, 2009
"babe, do you want me to fetch you? it is raining heavily la outside" -jo-ee
aku diam aja, aku tak balas sms dia. bukan sebab aku malas, tapi sebab aku tak nak susahkan dia. alah, lagipun hujan je kan. bukan nyer tsunami ke apa. so, aku kuar dari medic building, aku survey dulu. hmmm... nampak nyer memang hujan. agak lebat, masih boleh redah ngan payung aku yang separa cacat ni. ok, jom balik, bisik aku pada diri sendiri.
"kaboom!" bunyi guruh (aku tak tahu macam mana nak describe actually). tengok petir tengah giat sambar menyambar. serious seram pun ada. aku pegang handle payung tu kat bahagian plastic dia aja. just incase. perjalanan balik aku from campus to rumah memang akan banyak melalui kawasan open yang tak berpokok atau berbangunan. kilat makin lama, makin kuat aku tegok melompat2 dari satu awan ke awan lain. aku rasa macam nak seek shelter, tapi pada masa yang sama, aku nak balik cepat. ahhh... redah!!!
ntah mana aku pernah dengar, to avoid from lightning striking you, be a moving object. jangan diri diam pada satu spot. dengan berbekalkan ilmu yang dari ntah mana tu, i made a mad dash back home dalam hujan. payung pun serupa tak guna. seluar dah kuyup, beg dah lencun, baju dah basah. takpe, takpe, dah nak sampai umah dah ni. sikit je lagi. dalam masa yang sama, guruh tu berdengung kat telinga aku. as i was making my way pass the long open stretch, depan mata aku, aku nampak kilat menyabung bumi. O M G!!! bunyi guruh right after that almost boleh pekak telinga aku. aku dah takut dah. dalam hati, aku berdoa, ya Allah, selamatkanlah hambaMu ini!
aku jalan ngan lebih laju. genggam aku basah kena hujan. payung tetap tak menjalankan tugas. pheww!! finally sampai depan umah. alamak! bermangga la pulak! cepat! cepat! cari kunci, buka mangga, masuk umah. ahhh.... alhamdulillah.... selamat aku...
"ring ring" bunyi tepon aku
knock knock, aku ketuk pintu bilik jo-ee
"babe, i dah sampai la. takyah risau :D"
"ko ni gila ke apa? kan ke petir, kilat, guruh tu. why you never call me? never reply also"
"aku tak nak susahkan kau maa..."
"kau memang gila"
-better sometime crazy than all the time boring- ;)
he came around 4 in the morn. jo-ee heard him as he peeped through her window. he's a smoker because when she got up to check, she smelled smoke. he came several times this morning. it was raining rather heavily. but that did not stop him. he donned a windbreaker and continued with his psychotic projects.
we've had enough. this is way too serious to be a joke.
we're going to lodge a report at the main police station in the town here. but since i have class, jo-ee will be accompanied by her bf there. i hope the police will do something about this. anything!
this guy is already trespassing the premise and it ain't right.