i went to the hosp today with an open heart. after what had happened, i think i can go through any crap that they are gonna gimme. i know for sure that mr. pelik will be doing his rounds today, and boy, was i on the dot! as usual, S/N batuapi is always there. with that kind of attitude and mentality, i don't think she can make it any further.
so i entered the ward, as prim and proper as i could. no doubt i was anxious. i guess this is cause after the breakdown session i had, i felt so blahdy vulnerable, it cracked my self-esteem a little. thank god i managed to put it back together with belief. anyway, as the team (inclusive of mr. pelik and S/N batuapi) were rounding, i was looking for interesting cases and trying to clerk them. i did my best to not be anywhere near them as i do not want to "provoke" their crazed minds. the funny thing, today, they seem to be sedated. i could hear their LOUD voices tho.... but seriously, they seem really sedated (as compared to their usual self).
i tot i needed to wear this to the ward today as they always notice me even when i am doing (or wearing) nothing out of the ordinary. although the tension that was in the air felt that it could cut an umbilical cord, mr. pelik and S/N batuapi did not lash at me at all. but poor thing, i heard one HO got some lashings from mr. pelik. i pity him because today, he is the "sitting duck".
maybe yesterday, mr. pelik and S/N batuapi got a good sitdown session with the godfather. i actually went to see the godfather regarding this matter because i want it to stop. i don't go there to tell on them. i went there simply because they have to know their limits. i guess now after the session (that i assume they had) with godfather, they know not to mess around and act like uncivilized people (or simians, as i have noted earlier).
all this while, i tot docs are most patient people in the world as they have to handle many things. but for mr. pelik, and all the other docs that are following his foot steps, i could (MUST) make an exception.
as i was saying, i chose not to be an unhappy person in this situation. i felt lost when it happened. now i am back on track. i don't want to be like them, full of vengeance and hatred. i want to have my own individual personality, i just want to be me: HAPPY.
PP/S: on another note, thanks to mr. rogers, we got to practice doing laparoscopy today. it is tougher than you think!! well, at least i tried! weeeee.....!!