Cats and cars

Have you ever wondered why cats like to sleep under cars, behind tyres, on top of the car's roof? It is as if cars are cat magnets that cats are extremely attracted to them.

Many times, we've heard stories about cats being run over by cars just beacause they were catnapping in places that weren't meant to be. But all these stories that I heard, were so far away from me that I never felt the severity of the death of a cat being run over. Until 2 days ago.

I was on my way out from the male psychiatric ward at the old hospital. A staff nurse has parked her car right infront of the main gate and she was starting her car, to make a move out of the compound. While we were walking out, she was backing her car out. We didn't hear anything abnormal at all. But as she was going further away from her original spot, I saw something writhing in pain on the grass. At first it did not register to me what was that. After awhile, I finally realized that it was a cat, squashed and on the verge of death. It was stammering as the last breath of life escaped from its body. Its brain were half splattered out from its skull and its eyes were all out from their sockets.

I couldn't believe what I saw and I immediately alerted the driver. She was also shocked of what just happened. But I don't blame her as no one would expect a cat will still be under the car when the engine is on.

So there. I saw the death of a cat, squashed by a car. That image still haunts my head.

We are here for you....

To get the news last night, was like jumping in ice cold water. A shock that can't be settled, a news that can't be fathom, a life that is changed forever.

No wonder you have been quiet lately. No wonder you have not been as cheery as you were before. I thought you were tired. I thought you have changed, morphed into a different person living in your own cocoon. OMG, I am so wrong.

Now that I know you are carrying a heavy burden on your shoulders, I feel bad for thinking the thoughts that had no evidence. I am sorry. But don't you worry, we are all here for you, praying for you, willing for you to recover as soon as the next sunrise.

We love you and hope that our love is enough to keep you strong to go through this.

As the late MJ would say, and I quote: "You are not alone"

Goodbye my friend. May you rest in peace. Amen.

It's been a good 5 years journey you and I had. We've been through many things together. The fights that I have online, the laughter that I shared across the net, the dances that you watched me do.... many things. Many memorable things. You have been with the whole family altogether for a good 11 years. Now, the time has come. You have to make a move. I have to survive without you.

As of 2nd of May 2010, Mr DELL has refused to be revived from his asystole. He passed on peacefully around 2200hours at 2901-P, Taman Golf.

You will be remembered for fighting it through till the end.

NOW, I have s SURE reason to get another lappy!

Kasih abang

I got this mail from abc panas.

If only....

Patah bertongkat

Pernah tak dengar lagu Jentayu? yang dinyanyikan oleh nora and sheila majid tu? ingat tak? OK takpe, kalau tak ingat, ini snippit lirik dia...

Jentayu
Patah sayap bertongkat paruh
Jentayu
Patah paruh bertongkat siku
Jentayu
Patah siku bertongkat dagu
Jentayu
Patah dagu bertongkat kuku

Pinjamkanlah hatimu
Untuk semua



dengan dukacitanya dimaklumkan, aku punya hand-me-down Mr. Dell pada 1-4-10 ni, telah fracture di bahagian yang sangat vital, iaitu the hinge between the screen and the board. aku tak tahu macam mana boleh jadi macam ni. aku serious rasa sedih sangat sekarang. benda ni pun dah 10tahun umur dia, jadi agak-agaklah sikit macam mana dia boleh fracture kan....



jadi ini versi lagu aku untuk Mr. Dell

Mr. Dell
Patah sebelah bertongkat sebelah lagi
Mr. Dell
Patah sebe;ah lagi bertongkat screw
Mr. Dell
Patah screw bertongkat wayar
Jentayu
Patah wayar bertongkat botol air

Pinjamkanlah kekuatan semua
Untuk aku bersabar.....


serious, sekarang aku tongkat screen Mr. Dell dengan botol air. unik kan aku?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me....

....but I'd rather die with those sticks and stones then hearing those words that break me.

I don't really care what others say about me. Really, I don't. But I get overly sensitive when someone I really care about and someone I really love says something hurtful, my heart just breaks into million pieces. Yes, sometimes, they don't mean what they say at the moment they said it but the word just penetrate deep in my heart and embeds itself there like... forever.

I tried my level best to just brush those things away. Those words that cut me deep, but I can't, my personality just doesn't allow me to do so. I can forgive but I can never forget. But no worries though, because these days, I don't use those hurtful memories as a means for revenge. Being revengeful, I think, just drains all the positive thoughts in me that I have been mustering for these past few years. I was not a cheerful person before. Now that I am, I shall not let the evil get the best of me.

I may appear to not be strong enough to fend for myself. Yes, I am not. I need support, I need people that loves me around me to bring me back to reality when I am down. But lets not forget when those times that my strength was the strength that wipe your tears away, that stood between you and pain, that held your hand when you were trembling with fear? Yes, I am not strong, especially when simple words can kill me.

Then again, I'd rather die with the sticks and stones...

Little Munky

Baby Wayyan,
It makes KakakLin really sad to see that you are in the patient's gown (but admittedly, you do look adorable in that tiny get-up). I really wonder where you caught the germs from and to read your Daddy's tweets on FB that your temperature has shot up to 41c, that really worries me.


The last time KakakLin saw you, you were also sick. Runny nose, high temp, and the works. But still being the Little Munky Man that you are, you didn't let the nasties got the best of you and you remained as active and adorable as you always are.



I hope the doctors can decipher what is causing all these symptoms in you as soon as possible. I can't stand looking at you like that, so tiny, so fragile, and so sick. But don't worry Sayang, I know you are strong and that you will fight the nasties with all you have.

Dear Allah,
Please take away all the nasties from Baby Wayyan and make him a healthy, bouncy, baby boy.

Amin.....


p/s: KakakLin misses you and loves you loads Baby Wayyan...

i lost it all

i lost ALL the data, phone numbers, emails, addresses, account numbers on my phone. my Chokia has been with me for the past 4 years, and now, it has alzheimer's and also going haywire on me.

so please. if you wish to be in touch with me, please put in your details and phone numbers here. or, you can also email me at ginger_punye [at] hotmail [dot] com.

please....


so so so so so so so so so so SAD.....

kalut punya pasal

dah la assesment isnin lepas aku dikategorikan dalam kumpulan yang amat lucky untuk diexamine under doktor K, bukan datuk K ye (owh, btw, korang tau tak yang datuk K tu asal dari kedah? dari sungai layar lagi no less... and yes, sungai layar tu dekat je ngan semeling. boleh? aku ingat stok-stok datuk ni asal la dari alor setar ke, apa ke... sungai layar.... haishhh.....). anyway, sorry, aku ter-emo kejap. sambung balik cerita.

pagi tu, dengan bestnya, kita semua cramming session la dalam seminar room sementara tunggu doktor sampai. cakap semua dah bunyi ala2 pung-pang-pung-pang. masuk telinga kanan, keluar jadi kentut. serious. dah makin confuse dah jadinya. aku yang paling aku tak suka dalam examination of patient is CNS (central nervous system examination), yang paling aku suka, is abdominal examination sebab sangat lah simple ok. dalam hati aku, aku dah berdoa (iye, malam sebelum tu, aku actually google untuk doa masuk temuduga ok. iye la, bedside examination ni ala2 temuduga juga) banyak2 agar doktor K tak menopause hari ni (btw, doktor K adalah seorang lelaki).

nama aku dan nama beberapa pelajar yang sama lucky ngan aku dipanggil untuk ke ward wanita. aku pun dengan muka macho nyer mengikut doktor yang panggil kami. kami tunggu kat lobby ward wanita sementara doktor nan dan doktor K pergi cari case untuk digunakan sebagai assesment. aku dah bersedia: kit2 untuk examine patient aku dah ada dalam tangan, stethoscope aku dah letak kat leher, bawah tudung, awal2. otak aku, dah kosong.... (alamak!!!)

tetiba aku nak terkucil pulak. aku pun pergi la toilet. aku sepatutnya orang pertama kena examine. tapi sebab aku takde, derang panggil next on the list. pada aku, maybe Tuhan nak tunjuk aku sesuatu. masa aku tgh tunggu turn aku, aku thought positive dan minta yang aku dapat CVS (cardiovascular) case. oh yeah!!! mmg aku dapat la!!! woot woot!!

turn aku dah sampai, aku dipanggil. jantung aku macam dah nak terkeluar dari dada neh.

"ok, generally inspect this patient and do a CVS examination"

aku pun check la. berkomunikasi ngan patient yang tak faham apa aku cakap la. dokong patient tu naik ke atas sikit la. berpeluh la. apa la... semua ada. time untuk guna stethoscope. aku pun nak cucuk la stethoscope tu dalam lubang telinga aku neh. tetiba......

stethoscope aku terbalik daaa!!!!

nak menangis aku masa tu sebab dah panik sangat. takkan aku nak cabut keluar stethoscope aku depan2 examiners yang sibuk pandang aku macam nak makan aku tu kan. aku pun cuba sedaya upaya untuk dengar and pick-up the findings. and i did. jawapan aku memang betul. actually aku dah arrive at the diagnosis. cuma part theory tu, aku kalut la sket kan...

tapi aku sedih la sangat.

p/s: doktor K menopause hari tu.

puan marlina (bini apei) sila sediakan tissue berkoyan2 ye.

this is the reason why i am afraid....

I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

(REFRAIN):
You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

(CHORUS):
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

(REFRAIN)
You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

(CHORUS)
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

I Want You So
NoW you leave me in the cold
How could this be?
I thought that you Really Loved Me

Into the Night
I will pray that you're alright
YOu hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away?

Never thought Born being A girl
I can love you and be burned
Now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

(CHORUS)
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Well See You Soon...

not another sad excuse

i just realized something: i am suffering from post traumatic short-term memory loss.

no, i am not joking. i really am, and this is not a sad excuse to get out of things. i thought i was ok, until time and again, i keep on forgetting the immediate things that i wanted to do, or say.

situations:

~the day when the accident occured, leong asked me for my phone number. we were at the scene of the accident. i gave him my number without any hiccups. then, when we were in the police station, someone asked me for my number. i went blank. i looked at leong and i asked him, "leong, apa number saya?". i never forget my number and most of the important numbers are in my head. i can remember my account numbers, phone numbers, birthdates, and so many more. but that day, i lost it.

~i was at home. i went to take my shower. and then i was supposed to take something to put on. it was a routine thing, but i can't remember what was it. i walked around, and then i realized what was it that i forgot.

~i was walking towards the kitchen. i am supposed to take something from my bag. as soon as i turned to take it, i ignored that task and immediately walked back to the kitchen. then when i was in the kitchen, i remembered that i was supposed to do something. but i can't remember what. i paced back and forth around the house and i finally took that item out of my bag.

~i got a msg from kings saying that she wanted to come over. i said ok. and then i fell asleep. when i woke up, i had a faint idea that someone was supposed to come over, but i wasn't sure if it was kings or who until she called and said that she was on the way.

i am scared.

crushed

one of the pictures that i got via mms from SL.

the second coming (part III)

i was still standing in the rain. i saw the police running from the other side of the road. i turned my back away from them, facing the divider that i hit. staring at it, wondering all the "what if"s. then suddenly....

"CRASSSSHHHHH...."

another accident occured, just about 20m away from where we were. a bus hit a car perpendicularly on the driver's side. we were all in shock, me, my frens, the onlookers, everyone. the traffic was building up. still no sign of the ambulance. people got busy. some trying to held the other victims of the second accident, some trying to mobilize the passengers of the bus to another bus, some trying to manage the traffic. i was just there, looking, staring at the whole incident. it is like i was in a movie, where all these accidents are done by stuntmen, well-coordinated and no injuries. but this is not a movie, this was real.

the traffic got slower, more and more incoming vehicles clogging the highway. the sound of an ambulance could now be heard. but of course, it took some time for them to reach us. as soon as the ambulance came, we alerted the paramedics that she had sustained a broken clavicle. the paramedic made a triangular sling and put it on her. we took her out of the car and moved her to the ambulance. unloaded our belongings from the car and some of went with her, some of us went with the other car that was there to help me through this.

on the way to the hospital, i looked ahead, not blinking at all. even the tow-guy was trying to talk to me. i remained silent. still in shock. as soon as we reached the hospital, everyone registered to get themselves checked, except for me, i went to a quiet corner and waited for mama's call. as soon as i heard her angelic voice again, i cried.


~there's always a silver lining in each cloud. we must learn to see it~


it is 3 days post accident. i am getting more stabilized emotionally. my body aches because of the accident and i am running an intermittent fever due to the cold.

i should be ok, insya'Allah.

under the rain (part II)

as i stared at her, motionless at first, then finally coming to when we called her, my mind went blank. yes, my mind just went blank. i talked to her, told her to stay put and closed the car door. took out my phone and the first person that i called was mama, the wings that i can never be away from.

i couldn't control myself. i was panicking, i know, i shouldn't have. i thought i was talking, but instead, she said that i was blabbering incoherent sentences that she can't understand. i didn't even realize i was doing that. i was standing under the rain, with only a layer or clothing on my back. i didn't bring any clothes with me,as i was going home. as i was pacing back and forth down the stretch of the road, the chill hit my bones. 2 of the other passengers were with me, under the rain. one of them went back in the car, one of them stayed with me.

onlookers started gathering at the side of the road. some helping, some giving ideas, some handling the traffic, most of them, they are just there, doing what they do best, ONLOOKING. we tried to call for an ambulance and also the police. as the phone lines got busy, i saw a police on his bike. i was waving frantically for him to stop, but he didn't. mama had told me to call 999, which i did. i told them exactly where we were and i thought, i seriously thought that they are going to call in the nearest ambulance and send one to us, but instead, this was what i heard....

"hold on ya miss, i am putting you through to the ambulance"

"what!?!?!?!"

i waited a good 5 mins on the phone. no ambulance!!! i hung up. the onlookers called for an ambulance. my friends are still in the car, trying to make sure that she is as comfortable as she can. we called our ortho doc, they called their parents, called their people to tell them of the situation and to come and fetch them. i was looking for the PLUS emergency phone booth. i even wanted to run the stretch to make the emergency phone call. but there was no sign anywhere that says that the booth is anywhere near. so, i stayed put. urging the onlookers to help call as many ambulance as they can and wait for the very first to come.

i stood under the rain. scared. cold. guilt-ridden. the perfect cocktail of misery. mama keeps on calling to calm me down. WYY came and hugged me. SL did the same. but my panic was adamant. it stayed put. it didn't want to budge. although my mind was blank to think of the right things to do at that moment, the images of the split-second incident still ran clear like a frame-by-frame movie stills.

as i was waiting under the rain and intermittently checking on her, more and more onlookers parked themselves by the road. the rain got heavier. i got colder, all drenched with rainwater. my fren loaned me his jacket, which helped to wan off the cold that was biting my bones. the wait for the ambulance seemed so long. the tow people were already around to help.

as soon as the police arrived (God knows who called them), something else happened, all in the span of about 30mins from the time our accident occured.


...........tbc...........

i'm sorry (part I)

R-day + 5: the day that my life went spinning to oblivion.

“alia, hari ni I dengar you jadi pilot, betul ke?”

“hehehe… yeah. we are all driving back in my car”

I was eagerly waiting to get back to KL. we were [mirically] granted a very long (read: 5 days) weekend. that is like almost close to paradise in the life of medical students. especially clinical medical students in AIMST.

the journey started at 5pm, right after class. before I started the journey, mama had called and told me to be careful while driving and also to check all the necessaries before I began my journey. it was raining, rather heavily. I went to the pump and filled up the tank, and asked the very helpful people at the pump station to help me with the checking since I am not very versed in car language (read: I just know how to drive). as soon as that was done, I went to fill in the air for the tyres. everything was checked, everything in order, everything was ready. all I need now are my passengers and a 4 hours stretch of road to get me from SP to KL.

it was still raining. continuously. some stretch heavy, some stretch super heavy. but I was not driving fast, I can’t. I must be responsible for my passengers. since it was raining, one of the passengers wanted to make a toilet break. so after missing one stop area, we made a stop at the Juru rest area. everyone suddenly wanted to go to the toilet, except for me, which I thought was kind of weird cause I was cold and usually, I’d go. but I didn’t. I waited outside the car. I waited under the rain. they told me to get in the car, but I refused. I don’t even know why. I just wanted to stand outside and look at the car. I was just staring at the passenger’s window. nothing on my mind, nothing at all.

as soon as everyone was done, we continued our journey. the rain wasn’t letting up. everyone was settled after the toilet break, everyone was just joking about the ETA.

“don’t worry, we’ll be there by 10-ish pm”, I said.

“yeah, that’d be just nice”

“or maybe 9pm” someone joked, I can’t quite remember who.

“or if you want, I can try 8…heheheh”, I joked back.

“ no, alia, take your time….”, she sounded serious.

“I know, I know…. I can’t drive fast also”

I was just driving straight. the passengers that were happily chatting suddenly became quiet, all of them, all at the same time. my eyes were on the road. my mind was concentrating on the rain. then suddenly……

we hit a pool of water, yes, WATER!! the car swerved at first and I tried to stabilize the steering wheel. but the power steering got the better of me. it went back the other way and we moved from one lane to the other. with both hands trying to still stabilize the steering wheels, which was actually pointless at that time, my eyes are open, my ears are clear. all I heard was screaming. all I saw was a spinning road. we hit the divider on the left side of the road. thank God for the divider, if not, we would have fallen into the drain. the impact from the divider made the car bounced back on the road and spun 360d, several times. I wasn’t counting. but who was?

until finally, it stopped. the time suddenly stopped, to me at least.

the first thing I remembered saying was “I’m sorry, I am so so sorry”, which I know was meaningless. sorry is so not going to cure anything. without thinking, I straight away opened my door and ran into the street, I didn’t think about the oncoming cars, I just wanted to check the passengers. everyone was in shock, obviously. but the most critical one was her. she laid there motionless at first, I remembered seeing her that way, so fragile.



.........tbc..........

5-8-09: dari pukul 5pg sampai 12t'hari adalah 7 jam lamanya dan macam-macam yang berlaku dalam tempoh itu.

entry ini patut dah up semalam. but sebab aku terlalu penat, jadi entry ni aku up hari ni. tapi aku akan tulis macam benda ni berlaku tadi, padahal berlaku kelmarin ok. faham tak? tak faham kalau, sila pergi tikam diri sendiri.

kelmarin.....

pagi tadi aku bangun pukul 0455hrs. aku tgk jam, aku pusing2 dan aku decide untuk tido balik. aku sepatutnya bangun pukul 0530hrs. iye la kan, nak kena siap awal dan keluar awal sebab nak travel ke bahiyah. aku pun lelap la balik. ntah macam mana, pukul 0511hours, aku tetiba je buka mata, dan apa yang aku nampak masa aku buka mata tu, aku memang terpaku....

the stalker yang kerap menghendap bilik aku, he was standing right at my window and looking at me. kali ni, aku memang nampak susuk badan dia. aku tak nampak muka dia sebab dia membelakangkan lampu. aku sangat terkejut masa tu, tak boleh nak menjerit, tak boleh nak buat apa. aku sangat takut. so, i pretended to sleep back. tapi hati aku tak tenang. aku angkat fon and buat2 macam aku call someone. bila finally alarm aku bunyi, aku terus bangun. aku cuba2 tengok kat luar, but he wasn't there anymore. yang paling disturbing tu, aku tak dengar pun bunyi dia panjat masuk and masa tu hujan. sanggup neh, dia datang pagi2 macam ni. psycho....

sekarang, tahap takut aku, aku pun takleh nak describe macam mana.

walaubagaimanapun, aku memberanikan diri keluar rumah subuh2 tu untuk pergi carpool ngan kawan2 aku. the journey started late, but smooth. hujan masih tak henti. kejap2 lebat, kejap2 renyai. tetiba, bunyi yang amat pelik kedengaran masa tengah pandu kereta tu. aku dah suspek, mesti ada masalah tayar ke apa. aku cek tayar belah aku, takde apa2. aku soh budak lain cek tayar belah derang, but they can't see. so ok... jalan lagi. makin lama makin pelik and kuat bunyi tu and kereta pun takleh nak lari walaupun dah press habis. we stopped the car, and got out.

sah, tayar pancit.

kereta saras lengkap. ada jack, ada spare tayar. so, bermula lah sesi penukaran tayar dalam hujan tu. we all tak henti2 gelak because it is just so damn funny to have this happening so early in the morning. takde kereta nak henti tolong pun. aku dah jack kereta but takleh nak buka rim cover tu. aku tak berani nak tarik kuat2, kang patah lak kan. cuba punya cuba, tetiba ada anne naik motor neh henti to lend a hand. thanks anne!!



alhamdulillah.... sampai pun bahiyah...

we were late, but we made a grand entrance. lagipun, sampai awal2 pun tak guna. doctor tak sampai lagi...huhuhh....

lepas pung pang pung pang posting kat dermatology clinic, we went to acute and emergency (bahagian kecemasan) untuk pickup our last carpooler. dia tak sudah lagi masa tu. dia punya team tengah resuscitate a patient. aku pun masuk la sekali nak tengok. lepas sorang, sorang perform CPR kat patient tu. aku pun start palpating for his pulse, aku masih rasa lagi nadi dia and he was still warm to touch. staff kat sana dah panggil medical officer untuk asses the patient. aku tengok patient tu dah tercungap2, memang literally macam nyawa2 ikan. bila medical officer datang, they stopped the CPR. no pulse felt, no heart sounds, no breathing movement, pupils are fixed and dilated. he is dead.

tapi, kat hujung2 jari aku, aku seperti masih boleh rasa denyutan nadi dia, or maybe aku terlalu berharap. aku tak nak kehilangan patient just like that. hari ini, a patient died, and i saw his death....

itu lah perkara2 yang berlaku dalam the first half of kelmarin. how was your day?

p/S: gila apa. satu hari kuar rm9 just to travel to AS. tu tak masuk duit makan lagi...

apa patut anda buat bila anda bangun dari tidur dan anda sedar bahawa anda sedang menangis? lap la air mata tu.

yes, aku menangis tadi masa aku bangun dari tido.

because i had a dream, i dreamt of my sisters. that they were going away, again. aku rasa sebab aku rindu kat derang. no, aku memang rindu kat derang.

ok, maafkan aku, aku tengah emo neh.

finally: on the world wide web, aku nak mengaku, BETUL apa kata mammy aku: "there is no such thing as BFF"

no offense to my ronggeng geng: you guys are always with me. BFF or not, we are tight and that is what matters.

memang iye, these days, aku tak berani nak guna perkataan "forever" because it feels to vague and although i can be 180% sure, can the other person be as sure as i am? talking about loyalty, some people just don't really comply to it. especially orang yang cepat lupa daratan atau, seperti kacang mengelembu yang lupakan kulit, eh?

tapi dengan geng ronggeng aku (kings, els, ain, roz), we understand each other. takyah nak cakap pun, we know when we are busy, when we need some time alone, when we need to go crazy, when we need to be there for each other. memang takyah nak cakap because actions speak louder than words kan? ok, masing2 ada kerja and life masing2, but we don't ever forget about each other. that is the coolest part. sekarang ni kita nak recruit yang baru since ada satu yang dah lama lupakan kita kan?? so jenna, you ready to be the RONGGENGS? heheheh hey, this is an honour k.. :P

tokking abt bff, mammy aku nasihatkan aku after some events that had occured. mammy pernah lalui a terrible part in her life where her bff (or so we all thought) left her out in the cold. of course there were heartbreaks, but mammy came to be stronger and more guarded and vigilant on chosing her companions now. which is good cause kadang2 aku tgk some of the people yang nak kenal ngan mammy pun sebab they want to leech things out from her.

anyway, i thought i had a bff. but aku dah sedar la. i was just being delusional. aku salah sangka rupanya. tapi takpelah. aku tak menyesal pun kenal insan itu. dan aku mmg treasure segala apa yang kita pernah lalui bersama. sekarang aku macam dah takde perasaan nak kisah kan insan itu. walaupun kadang2 aku duduk terdiam, is it worth it to let go just like that without even putting my thoughts out in the open? ntah arr....

is there such thing as forever?

bila bahan-bahan yang ada plan nak masak semua dah jadi bukan rezeki anda, last-last jadi makan hati la jawapnya

kat sini hujan (Alhamdulillah) lebat. i like. kereta park kat luar rumah (tak bersangkut paut pun fakta ni). aku kat dalam rumah. konon tengah study. tapi sebenarnya tengah break, tgk movie jap.

tetiba rasa macam nak masak.

memang tekak rasa nak makan sup telur ngan sayur. dah meleleh air liur tanpa aku sedar. pergi dapur, panaskan rice cooker. biasa la. rumah student, takkan nak pakai dapur arang kott kan? sambil tunggu cooker panas, aku keluarkan barang2 yang aku nak masak dari dalam fridge. mula2 keluarkan kobis, letak atas fridge. pastu tengok ada telur sebiji yang aku idamkan tu, aku keluarkan, aku letak atas tupperware sebab aku takut dia akan guling and pecah. sekali mana tau, dia nak berguling juga. *pelepap!! berlinang telur kuning atas lantai. kulit telur retak seribu, sama macam hati aku masa tu. nak keluar beli telur, kan ke aku cakap hujan??

pastu, tukar strategy. aku teringat ada lebih sardine yang aku buka hari tu. banyak lagi, mana aku habis makan sorang2. aku simpan dalam bekas, letak dalam fridge. sebab takde telur, sardine pun ok la kott. aku geledah fridge, cari bekas tu. dah terbayang dah, sambal sardine. perrrrggghhhh!! sure masyukk arr masa2 hujan ni. aku jumpa bekas tu, aku bawa keluar, aku buka. Innalillah hiwainnaillahirojiun..... dah basi la pulak.

nak buka tin sardine baru, ahhh... malas.

last2 aku masak je apa yang ada: sup macaroni (macaroni + kubis + tomato + crabstick)

nasib baik aku tere masak.

to see (the doctor), or not to see. that is the question.

today, i can't take it anymore. i made it a point to go to the doctor. so, to the doctor i went. the clinic is in the campus that is run by doctors from the medical faculty. you know sometimes they do have to practice what they preach. like, they are the ones who taught us how to examine patients if they come in with this or that symptoms. but when i went there today, none of what they have told us to do, were done. and i mean NONE.



i came in with the chief complaint of feeling of nausea, and on and off fever for 1/52 (read: 1 week). vomitted for 3 times already (just now, i vomitted again actually, despite taking antiemetics from the doc this morning. so that makes it 4 times). and 2 episodes of hematochezia yesterday evening (that really got me worried [i didn't see this coming] but i waited because i wanted to see if there was a third episode. but i haven't been to the toilet today. and i wasn't constipated at all for the past week). the only thing that the doc did was the standard stuffs: took my temp, look at my throat and tounge, and put the steth on my chest [at one spot only!!].

she did asked a few Qs tho, like if i had any focus of infection, if i had cough and/or flu. none of the above. the weird part was that she didn't even lay me on the bed to examine my abdomen. not at all!! and no question if i had any pain in my abdomen.

and afterwards, she prescribed the usuals: PCM (paracetamol), Ranitidine (to reduce the acidity in my stomach), Doxycycline (antibiotics), Maxolone (to reduce the nausea. this was upon my request but she said that she thinks it was unnecessary), and ONE measly packet of ORS (oral rehydrating salt).

so, yeah, basically the doc just diagnosed me as myalgia (muscle pain. which i do not actually have and it wasn't in my complains) and to rule out viral infection (but she gave me an antibiotic??). but as i said, looks like there is no difference between me seeing the doc or not, because i am still nauseated and the fever is still on.

what am i to do now?

nota kuku kaki kiri: ini adalah entry yang ke 555. macam pernah tngk lak number bersiri ni, tapi di mana ye? hmmmm.... [konpem aku ni bukan kaki hutang orang le....]