Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Friday, March 18, 2011

Giving the finger


Spotted: A fashion retail guy, while at work, giving the finger to himself.

Clearly he was freaking bored because there were no customers at all to frequent the store that he is working in.

Gawsh, I can't even imagine doing that as a job. Waiting.... and waiting.... and waiting....

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I spy with my pretty eyes


I never thought that I would actually see a whale in Malaysia. But I did....

Spotted: washed up white whale at the pool area of next door condo.

I survived to tell :P

Sunday, December 19, 2010

No farking

When they say "No parking zone" but yet they are some who are so damn adamant that that is a bloody parking space, this is how they teach the ignorant.

Good job securities!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Gravida Para


Please find what is wrong in this proforma.

It does not really require a genius to see what is wrong with it. But I guess the REAL geniuses are those who actually came up with such a thing.

I am not naming names here.

Alor Setar


I can't believe my eyes when I saw Alor Setar on the roadmap of Vienna.

OMG, Alor Setar is so the very international.

Friday, November 5, 2010

To the bank!


Mamak told me the story of her and Amal looking for the local bank when they arrived in Vienna in the early days. With no knowledge of the German language, they marched to the streets and start looking for a bank to start their lives in Vienna.

Mamak being a very confident woman, started seeing the sign that reads "EINBAHN". She knows for sure that that sounds like it is pointing to the bank. So, with Amal in tow, they followed the sign. And kept on following, and following and following.....

But after 30 minutes of walking, there are no banks in sight.

No wonder.

"EINBAHN" means "ONE WAY".

My Mamak is very the clever.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The bus stand


As I was waiting at the bus stand for our ride home, I saw this young lady, all clad in fall clothing and holding a McD's take away drink. She looks unstable. Clearly she is high on something. But in her condition, she still managed to light up a cigarette and balanced herself on her toes while she squatted on the ground, because there were no seats for her.

After an elderly lady left, the young lady managed to pull herself up and sat on the bench, right beside someone. She positioned herself well that it almost looked like an editorial shot for a fashion magazine....



This was the other person beside her that suddenly covered her body up with her scarf and started making squawking sounds like a raven (did she mistaken herself as That's So Raven? hahahha), with the intention of scaring the high young lady.

It was a funny sight as the young lady didn't even bat an eyelid to the person next to her.

^_^

Friday, July 9, 2010

How would you like your octopus?


Who doesn't know Oracle Paul. He has become famous for predicting six of the World Cup 2010 games correctly and all consecutively on the spot. According to mathematicians, the probability to be predicting 6 games correctly consecutively is less than 0.5%. How amazing is Oracle Paul?!?

Actually Oracle Paul has been doing this predicting stunt since the Euro Cup in 2008 where he got 4 out of his 6 predictions right. How he does it is pretty simple. His handlers will place 2 boxes that has the same type of mussel in each of the boxes, into his tank. Each boxes is also clad with the flag of the teams that are competing. Then, Oracle Paul will pick the box of which he predicts will win the game. Simple as that.

Oracle Paul wasn't born in Germany, but he is currently residing there. Germans love him to bits when he predicted their wins against Argentina, England, and Ghana. But now, instead of love, Oracle Paul is receiving death treats from the Germans when he correctly predicted that Spain to win the last game. The Germans urged the Oberhausen Aquarium to kill Oracle Paul and serve him in the restaurant.

Not only that, the Argentines also do not fall short from wanting to kill Oracle Paul. They even had the hope to one day kidnap him from his tank, kill him, cook him and then serve him with potatoes. All this hate was because Oracle Paul had predicted Germany to win over Argentina in their last game.

Today, Oracle Paul, under much demand, has predicted that the Germans will win third place and that the Spaniards will take home the Cup this year. Oracle Paul has yet to receive death treats from Uruguay and Netherlands for his predictions.

Anyway, I was just thinking, if every football enthusiast is too busy depending on Oracle Paul to know who will win any game, I guess World Cup 2014 will not take place in where it is supposed to be but instead, fans will be overflowing in the Oberhausen Aquarium, waiting on the edge of their seats for Oracle Paul's predictions, while top chefs from each of the loosing country will be ready with a menu all consisting of Oracle Paul's remains, once they get their hands on him.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Just like a dog


Sometimes I pity you. Exactly like a dog, you have no backbone of your own to state your own mind. You do what your "owner" does. You go where your "owner" goes. Even if your "owner" sits at another corner of the room, you will lift your sorry ass from where you were seated and immediately sit by your "owner"'s side.

You can never be on your own. You depend on your "owner" as much as your "owner" depends on you. You both have to co-exist because being an individual is not either of your fortes.

When your "owner" tells you to fetch, you do that too. Pity. Or is it because that you are not confident that you can be on your own that you have to become someone else's dog?

Good luck in that.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Segan tersipu-sipu

Amboi, sangat canggih Ok tempat ini. OMG... sementara menunggu, aku kepingin benar menggunakan Mr DELL. Tapi kan daya, aku malu dowh....

Nanti takut orang tanya: "Hey anda, di manakah anda beli DELL yang sangat canggih itu?"

Takut tak leh nak jawap lak.

Nasib baik ada computer free with internet access. Boleh juga aku buang masa.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Credit, Coffee, and Carrier

Mr. & Mrs. Ng have 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins. Years passed, and it was time to get them married.

So, the parents found them the most suitable ' leng chais' (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon. As 'concerned' (more like 'kay-poh') parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......'Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences'.

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word 'STANDARD CHARTERED'. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. 'Ah! here it is!', exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was... 'BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY' Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. 'NESCAFE'. So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. 'Ah! here it is.. 'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP'. Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was'AIRASIA'.
Why 'AIRASIA'...? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. 'Ah! Here it is!' Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish .......THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair..
The motto was ...'7 DAYS A WEEK. 6 TIMES DAILY. NON-STOP'...!!!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Pecah rumah


*memang sebiji macam ni la lock basikal ni. cuma kat rumah ni, warna biru.

Setelah beberapa lama aku tak jejakkan kaki kat KL, akhirnya semalam, selepas aku punya end-of-posting exam (aku pass!!), aku pun melarikan diri ke KL. Iye lah, bila aku kat AS, ada je benda yang kena aku buat. Not that I am complaining ke apa, but sometimes, I need my space too. So, dengan hati yang excited dan gumbira, aku pun balik la rumah.

Sampai KL, memang la aku tired gila. Turun kat pudu, jalan pergi LRT station, naik LRT pergi KLSentral lak untuk beli ticket nak balik ke AS. Then tunggu bus RapidKL untuk balik ke TTDI. Lapar pun lapar, penat, toksah cakap la, memang dah tahap ketua kampung punya penat tu. Maklumlah, sebelum end-of-post memang ada banyak kerja nak selesaikan and banyak orang aku kena berurusan dengan. Pendek kata, telefon aku memang tak reti nak senyap arr..

Setibanya kat bus stop depan Makbul TTDI tu, aku pun usha la nak makan apa. Memang dah niat sangat dalam hati nak makan tandoori set (kat AS takde yang best OK!!). So, beli la bungkus. Then menapak la pergi ke teratak indah aku ni. Jam kat tangan pun dah hampir pukul 11mlm. Punya la excited aku sampai kat lift kat rumah ni. Tiba2 bila aku sampai depan pintu rumah, aku tersentap....

"Owh, patut la aku rasa tak sedap hati je dari tadi masa dalam bus", bisik hati kecil aku

Kunci untuk lock basikal yang aku guna untuk lock pintu grill depan rumah aku ni, aku tak bawa balik.... jeng jeng jeng... macam mana aku nak masuk rumah? Dah lewat malam, takkan ada locksmith yang buka kott? Aku mula2 gunakan tenaga aku yang dah takde tu, aku tarik2 lock tu, dengan harapan aku boleh cabut lock tu, atau lebih best, cabut pagar tu terus (iye, aku tengah geram masa tu)..

Tapi nasib baik la aku ni pandai sikit lagi dari lock basikal tu.

Aku tarik2 lock tu, aku leraikan gulungan dia, pastu aku buka pintu pagar tu dengan kunci pagar yang memang aku bawa balik. Then aku tarik sebesar mana pintu tu boleh buka dengan keadaan lock basikal itu masih melekat kat pagar tu, pastu aku pun squeezed myself through the opening.

Tere kan aku?

Lepas ni, kalau ada sesiapa yang pecah rumah, kemungkinan besar bukan aku la yang buat tu :P

Friday, April 2, 2010

Sarcasm is a woman's virtue



He Said To Me!

He said to me . .... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... .. .. You wear pants don't you?



He said to me ..... . ........ Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart




He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ....... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!




He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... They don't have time




He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him ... I don't know; it has never happened.




He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . .. . They already have boyfriends.




He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.




He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?

I said to him ... . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Jantan atau Betina?



*cantiknyer laptop ni kan ma?? hint hint....


A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
feminine.


'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la
casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el
lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is
'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the
class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for
themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a
feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for
its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer'
should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la
computadora'), because:

1.. No one but their creator understands their internal
logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone
else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term
memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for
it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'),because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn
them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for
themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but
half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you
had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better
model..

The women won.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Makcik, Pakcik, & Basikal


Apa punya malang la nasib basikal itu ditunggang oleh makcik yang berbadan besar. Makcik tu pun, lain kali agak2 la sket. Patutla tayar basikal pancit!!

Pakcik tu juga yang bijak.....

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Oh Malaysia, kamu sangatlah fashion forward

Aku saje2 je browse through some favorite sites of mine that day and I happened to stop in my tracks at the www.thatshideous.com. Kenapa, kamu tanya? Silalah baca seterusnya....

Di bawah adalah gambar pakaian seragam official pasukan bomba di Malaysia. Lihatlah celoreng-celoreng jingga hitam yang mengingatkan kita kepada ke-gah-han seekor harimau. Mungkin fashion designer untuk pakaian seragam bomba itu mempunyai idea tersebut ketika membuat kerja2 designing untuk abang-abang bomba di Malaysia.

Tapi pada pendapat personal aku la kan, dah la celoreng-celoreng tu berwarna jingga. The last time I checked, aku ingat bahawa kalau ada kebakaran, api yang ligat menjilat benda-benda yang terbakar tu, adalah berwarna jingga. Kalau ada abang bomba masuk untuk menyelamatkan orang atau memadam api, adakah pemerhati lain akan perasan bahawa ada abang bomba dalam scene itu, atau adakah sang api akan menjilat abang bomba itu sekali kerana ia ingat bahawa abang bomba itu adalah gangnya juga? Pelik....





Dan di bawah adalah gambar yang aku dapati dari website yang aku nyatakan tadi. Seluar golf yang digelar "The Tiger pants". Such a loud fashion statement to be worn on the golfing greens. Bukan kah when you play golf, you have to be silent most of the time to concentrate on your ball and swing? Kamu semua pernah tengok kan, ada orang akan angkat sign "SILENCE PLEASE" ketika seseorang tengah memukul bola golf di sebuah golfing tournament? Jadi dengan seluar ini, bolehkah pemain itu masuk pertandingan tersebut?




Bolehkah anda nampak persamaan antara gambar 1 dan gambar 2? Jika tidak, tinggal kurang lebih 40 hari lah tu ye....

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ma, I tak suka handfon I dah!!!

Ma, I tak suka Chokia 93i tu yang you present kan kat i barang 4 tahun lepas tu, yang pada mulanya you beli untuk you tapi you tak reti pakai pastu you kasi kat I tu. Memang masa tu handfon tu is da bomb and I rasa cool sangat dapat handfon gadget macam tu. Tapi sekarang handfon tu dah macam kucing nyanyuk la Ma. Geram betul I nak gunanya. Dah la walaupun I beli battery 2 kali, I ulang suara, DUA KALI, asyik2 battery tu mati je. Berapa kali nak beli battery baru pun tak tahu la. Buat buang duit I je. Pastu kan Ma, handfon tu dah super cacat OK. Lagging macam Yayah masa baru bangun tido. Then, dia punya cover lense dah tercabut, cover output pun dah tercabut. Banyak function dia takleh nak guna sebab dah lagging sangat. Ingat tak masa I hilang semua orang punya fon number tu... haaa.. .tu lagi la sakit hati ok.

Jadi... you faham2 aja la kenapa I tulis blog ni KHAS untuk you :) (muka innocent)



p/s: aku boleh bayangkan muka mak aku jadi macam ni lepas dia baca entry aku neh....

Monday, February 15, 2010

To men, an affair involving them is OK.



But if the affair does not include them, then it is just ain't right.