OUCH!!

Recently had a work-related accident in the health clinic which caused patient's blood to splash into my eyes. So the next step is for me and the said patient to have our blood taken simultaneously and to be sent for HIV and HepB testing. Because I trust that my colleagues are well-versed in blood withdrawal, I let one of them take my blood while the staff nurse takes the patient's blood.

This is what I got. A bruised entry site that is still very bruised after 5 days post withdrawal.

No, I do not siffer from bleeding tendencies.

not another sad excuse

i just realized something: i am suffering from post traumatic short-term memory loss.

no, i am not joking. i really am, and this is not a sad excuse to get out of things. i thought i was ok, until time and again, i keep on forgetting the immediate things that i wanted to do, or say.

situations:

~the day when the accident occured, leong asked me for my phone number. we were at the scene of the accident. i gave him my number without any hiccups. then, when we were in the police station, someone asked me for my number. i went blank. i looked at leong and i asked him, "leong, apa number saya?". i never forget my number and most of the important numbers are in my head. i can remember my account numbers, phone numbers, birthdates, and so many more. but that day, i lost it.

~i was at home. i went to take my shower. and then i was supposed to take something to put on. it was a routine thing, but i can't remember what was it. i walked around, and then i realized what was it that i forgot.

~i was walking towards the kitchen. i am supposed to take something from my bag. as soon as i turned to take it, i ignored that task and immediately walked back to the kitchen. then when i was in the kitchen, i remembered that i was supposed to do something. but i can't remember what. i paced back and forth around the house and i finally took that item out of my bag.

~i got a msg from kings saying that she wanted to come over. i said ok. and then i fell asleep. when i woke up, i had a faint idea that someone was supposed to come over, but i wasn't sure if it was kings or who until she called and said that she was on the way.

i am scared.

crushed

one of the pictures that i got via mms from SL.

the second coming (part III)

i was still standing in the rain. i saw the police running from the other side of the road. i turned my back away from them, facing the divider that i hit. staring at it, wondering all the "what if"s. then suddenly....

"CRASSSSHHHHH...."

another accident occured, just about 20m away from where we were. a bus hit a car perpendicularly on the driver's side. we were all in shock, me, my frens, the onlookers, everyone. the traffic was building up. still no sign of the ambulance. people got busy. some trying to held the other victims of the second accident, some trying to mobilize the passengers of the bus to another bus, some trying to manage the traffic. i was just there, looking, staring at the whole incident. it is like i was in a movie, where all these accidents are done by stuntmen, well-coordinated and no injuries. but this is not a movie, this was real.

the traffic got slower, more and more incoming vehicles clogging the highway. the sound of an ambulance could now be heard. but of course, it took some time for them to reach us. as soon as the ambulance came, we alerted the paramedics that she had sustained a broken clavicle. the paramedic made a triangular sling and put it on her. we took her out of the car and moved her to the ambulance. unloaded our belongings from the car and some of went with her, some of us went with the other car that was there to help me through this.

on the way to the hospital, i looked ahead, not blinking at all. even the tow-guy was trying to talk to me. i remained silent. still in shock. as soon as we reached the hospital, everyone registered to get themselves checked, except for me, i went to a quiet corner and waited for mama's call. as soon as i heard her angelic voice again, i cried.


~there's always a silver lining in each cloud. we must learn to see it~


it is 3 days post accident. i am getting more stabilized emotionally. my body aches because of the accident and i am running an intermittent fever due to the cold.

i should be ok, insya'Allah.

under the rain (part II)

as i stared at her, motionless at first, then finally coming to when we called her, my mind went blank. yes, my mind just went blank. i talked to her, told her to stay put and closed the car door. took out my phone and the first person that i called was mama, the wings that i can never be away from.

i couldn't control myself. i was panicking, i know, i shouldn't have. i thought i was talking, but instead, she said that i was blabbering incoherent sentences that she can't understand. i didn't even realize i was doing that. i was standing under the rain, with only a layer or clothing on my back. i didn't bring any clothes with me,as i was going home. as i was pacing back and forth down the stretch of the road, the chill hit my bones. 2 of the other passengers were with me, under the rain. one of them went back in the car, one of them stayed with me.

onlookers started gathering at the side of the road. some helping, some giving ideas, some handling the traffic, most of them, they are just there, doing what they do best, ONLOOKING. we tried to call for an ambulance and also the police. as the phone lines got busy, i saw a police on his bike. i was waving frantically for him to stop, but he didn't. mama had told me to call 999, which i did. i told them exactly where we were and i thought, i seriously thought that they are going to call in the nearest ambulance and send one to us, but instead, this was what i heard....

"hold on ya miss, i am putting you through to the ambulance"

"what!?!?!?!"

i waited a good 5 mins on the phone. no ambulance!!! i hung up. the onlookers called for an ambulance. my friends are still in the car, trying to make sure that she is as comfortable as she can. we called our ortho doc, they called their parents, called their people to tell them of the situation and to come and fetch them. i was looking for the PLUS emergency phone booth. i even wanted to run the stretch to make the emergency phone call. but there was no sign anywhere that says that the booth is anywhere near. so, i stayed put. urging the onlookers to help call as many ambulance as they can and wait for the very first to come.

i stood under the rain. scared. cold. guilt-ridden. the perfect cocktail of misery. mama keeps on calling to calm me down. WYY came and hugged me. SL did the same. but my panic was adamant. it stayed put. it didn't want to budge. although my mind was blank to think of the right things to do at that moment, the images of the split-second incident still ran clear like a frame-by-frame movie stills.

as i was waiting under the rain and intermittently checking on her, more and more onlookers parked themselves by the road. the rain got heavier. i got colder, all drenched with rainwater. my fren loaned me his jacket, which helped to wan off the cold that was biting my bones. the wait for the ambulance seemed so long. the tow people were already around to help.

as soon as the police arrived (God knows who called them), something else happened, all in the span of about 30mins from the time our accident occured.


...........tbc...........

i'm sorry (part I)

R-day + 5: the day that my life went spinning to oblivion.

“alia, hari ni I dengar you jadi pilot, betul ke?”

“hehehe… yeah. we are all driving back in my car”

I was eagerly waiting to get back to KL. we were [mirically] granted a very long (read: 5 days) weekend. that is like almost close to paradise in the life of medical students. especially clinical medical students in AIMST.

the journey started at 5pm, right after class. before I started the journey, mama had called and told me to be careful while driving and also to check all the necessaries before I began my journey. it was raining, rather heavily. I went to the pump and filled up the tank, and asked the very helpful people at the pump station to help me with the checking since I am not very versed in car language (read: I just know how to drive). as soon as that was done, I went to fill in the air for the tyres. everything was checked, everything in order, everything was ready. all I need now are my passengers and a 4 hours stretch of road to get me from SP to KL.

it was still raining. continuously. some stretch heavy, some stretch super heavy. but I was not driving fast, I can’t. I must be responsible for my passengers. since it was raining, one of the passengers wanted to make a toilet break. so after missing one stop area, we made a stop at the Juru rest area. everyone suddenly wanted to go to the toilet, except for me, which I thought was kind of weird cause I was cold and usually, I’d go. but I didn’t. I waited outside the car. I waited under the rain. they told me to get in the car, but I refused. I don’t even know why. I just wanted to stand outside and look at the car. I was just staring at the passenger’s window. nothing on my mind, nothing at all.

as soon as everyone was done, we continued our journey. the rain wasn’t letting up. everyone was settled after the toilet break, everyone was just joking about the ETA.

“don’t worry, we’ll be there by 10-ish pm”, I said.

“yeah, that’d be just nice”

“or maybe 9pm” someone joked, I can’t quite remember who.

“or if you want, I can try 8…heheheh”, I joked back.

“ no, alia, take your time….”, she sounded serious.

“I know, I know…. I can’t drive fast also”

I was just driving straight. the passengers that were happily chatting suddenly became quiet, all of them, all at the same time. my eyes were on the road. my mind was concentrating on the rain. then suddenly……

we hit a pool of water, yes, WATER!! the car swerved at first and I tried to stabilize the steering wheel. but the power steering got the better of me. it went back the other way and we moved from one lane to the other. with both hands trying to still stabilize the steering wheels, which was actually pointless at that time, my eyes are open, my ears are clear. all I heard was screaming. all I saw was a spinning road. we hit the divider on the left side of the road. thank God for the divider, if not, we would have fallen into the drain. the impact from the divider made the car bounced back on the road and spun 360d, several times. I wasn’t counting. but who was?

until finally, it stopped. the time suddenly stopped, to me at least.

the first thing I remembered saying was “I’m sorry, I am so so sorry”, which I know was meaningless. sorry is so not going to cure anything. without thinking, I straight away opened my door and ran into the street, I didn’t think about the oncoming cars, I just wanted to check the passengers. everyone was in shock, obviously. but the most critical one was her. she laid there motionless at first, I remembered seeing her that way, so fragile.



.........tbc..........