keeping to myself

everyday, i try to talk to you. there is not one day that i do not keep in touch with you, because i know i need to create a relationship with you. when i am walking alone, i always wonder what you re doing, or, i will always think about what shall i talk to you about that day.

almost everyday at about the same time, my conversation with you starts. anything trivial that comes up from my head, i will tell you. anything at all. sometimes, i will tell you about the exciting things that occured in my life that day, sometimes i will tell you about that particular person that irritates me that day, sometimes i will tell you about the nice people i met that day, sometimes i will ask you questions, and sometimes, i just needed to know that you are ok.

when i was younger, i had always had to stayback in school before going back because of the distance. i hated it. not because of the wait, but because of the fact that i didn't get to see you soon enough. all the way back, i'd worry, i'd think, i'd wonder: "how is she?" "is she back safe?"

we had great conversations before, we talked alot, no, I talked ALOT. too much at times that i was tagged as being talkative. even kena marah infront of people because i was talking too much. hehehe.... that was funny. but i couldn't help it. that is my NEED, to talk to you.

but nowadays, i am more quiet. i like to keep things to myself. i like to just listen instead of converse. why? because it is kinda hard to talk nowadays. many a times, the conversation will just go downhill and i hate it when that happens. i want to talk to you, not talk against you. i try my very best to make the conversation much more cheery. sometimes, when i detect it going sour, i'll change the subject, hoping that it'd get better. sometimes it does, sometimes, not.

i want to tell you everything that is happening in my life. but i am just afraid. afraid that the conversation will not go anywhere up, but all the way down. i think about it, i don't deny. maybe i am wrong, i do apologize. and when i feel that i am right, i need you to support me. i need you to be my cheerleading squad captain.

all in all, i just need you. i need to talk to you.i need to bring back that relationship that we had. that i am missing.....