Monday, May 19, 2008

WEIGHT me up, when september ends.

so, MV was my place of choice to run to after bailing out on the FIRST MEET (not a really good choice actually, there's practically nothing there! shud have just eat up my guts, shove the shyness away and have a sitdown with me fellow bloggers at SR in KLSentral.regret.....regret....). the shyness (++ the walking and the fact that my breakfast was 5 hours prior) has made me and nana rather famished, well, it was high time for lunch anyways. we decided to get some drinks from jusco. went to the cashier to pay and as i was waiting for my change, the cashier just bluntly asked me: "nak tanya sikit boleh tak, awak ni dulu gemuk ekk?"

erkkk.... do i know you?

i was shocked to say the least, not because of her being blunt but because of the question actually. yes, the answer is: "ye, saya mmg gemuk dulu". ok, this girl, the cashier, she's really sweet and all, but she's a little on the plump side. still, it does not make her a fugly person. personally, what is inside is what matters most. she asked me so many questions and i just keep on telling her that it is really up to you, don't let ppl make you do it. well, i did it because i was pushed around too much (not literally tho, cause you'd need a bulldozer to push me around). i can't stand the mockery anymore. one day, i just woke up and decided: i'm gonna loose some weights now. seriously, i don't remember exactly how it all started.
no, i wasn't fat last time, i was OBESE. yes, believe me, i was. i had a yo-yo weight thingy going on but i was always, overweight. i love food, i stress eat, and yeah i am a glutton! i can't stand the idea of sweating (i.e. exercise), i was never good in any sports, and i was a dumbstrucked fashion victim (used to think that huggings are good on my spare-tyre-full body....ieeeee!!! hehehe). don't believe me? check 'em out.
I WAS FAT:

early of 1998: we were in perth. ok, that was not my hair!! that was just a wig that belongs to olga chen. we were just horsing around with it.

this was late 1998: butterfly farm in melaka was it? i remembered the year because of the watch. got it for doing well in one of my exams.

this was me when i was the contestant for 'who wants to be a millionaire'. it was 2001

this was me, late 2005: meeting mama after soooo long. i was back for summer (russia) and she was back (dubai) for good. about 88kg.

I WAS ANEROXIC (that was what they said. i think i was fine, i still do):

masa ni, when people see me after so long not seing me, they thought i was sick. they tot i was stressed. please la. when i was fat, you mocked me. after loosing weight, you critisize me. what you want?!?!?!
in the span of 5 months, i went from 88kg to 49kg. i know, crazy right? to me, it was an achievement. i proved to myself that i can do it. it is all in the head. then, my body started becoming crazy, i lost my menses, my heart became really slow (still is because i train alot), and i can't stand the cold (still can't). the docs, my family, my friends got so worried and angry with me. i had to put on some weight.

2006: pott's wedding day. i was named SKELETOR.


mid 2006: leya's b'day nite.


I AM ME (but they still want me to put on abit of weight):

after some gruelling thinking, i decided to put on some weight. now, my weight is normal, but i want to loose some because i am just afraid of being fat. i still think i am, in some way (i am so NOT CRAZY). i mean, you really have to excuse me on this because i have lived all my life being fat, it is just hard to shove that impression away from my head. that is why i am shy at times. now, after 2 years, my menses is back. i am really happy.
middle 2007: doing the BOH ad.

late 2007: posing for sheseido makeover thingy.


last week: sometime after my hair re-do session.


a question that i still keep on asking: do i look fat?

9 comments:

Sanza said...

i have friends who keep asking me whether they look fat to me or not. my simple answer would always be, "do i look stupid to you?"

anyway, 88kg to 49kg is magical.

redSeptember said...

hmmm.... you don't look stupid to me.

it ain't magical bud. it is just determination taking it's role position.

athena said...

seriously? from 88kg to 49 kg? what did u do? can share uh? u look fabulous.. GaGa~

miao_jo said...

ur new hair's a BBOOOOOMMMMM!!!!
u look damn gorgeous!!!!

Munira said...

You were in a BOH ad? This I gotta see! Hahah!

I can understand your annoyance. I can't understand what's with people's obsession with size and weight. It's so shallow, stupid and superficial. I mean, are they *that* insecure about themselves? I've had people criticizing my height... they go, "Oh, you so kecik ye... so pendek". I'm 5 ft 4, and excuse me that's not a midget size, and I happened to think it's pretty normal for my BMI. Plus I'm fit and healthy and I enjoy exercising, and that's fine with me. What's the point of looking like a plastic Malibu Barbie but you start hyperventilating just from walking for 5 mins? I think what my bestie once said was right - one should always respond back "Hey, bitch, I'm better off being fat/skinny/short/tall than looking fugly like you!" Hahaha!

I have a friend who's on the plus side, but man, the wonderful thing about her is that she's got this amazing confidence about her that I really admire. People with confidence always look good because they work at making themselves feel good. She always looks amazing in anything she wears because she's very careful her choice and clothing and she always pulls it off with a bang of confidence. And puh-leeze, she's so not one of those people who's too concerned about fat people, thin people, tall people or short people. She does whatever that makes her happy and she always tries to make people around her feel good about themselves.

It's not what's outside that counts, it's all about substance. Besides there are plenty of beautiful people who do ugly things and ugly people do beautiful things.

So yeah, the basic conclusion is: People are stupid. And stupid people are always insecure that's why they ask stupid questions. Like it or not, the entire package at the end of the days is controlled by DNA and genetics. So fucking deal with it, yeah?

And to answer your question; cherie, you look gorgeous! But the truth is your biggest appeal is your spiciness, hahaha!

redSeptember said...

thanks babe! ada macam chopstick ke? kalau tak, aku mungkin nak permanent straight la kott.

yeah mun, most of these ppl that are super hot physically are so not fit! and worst of all, they have too much bitchiness in them. i mean, come on!
lookie adibah noor. i adore her to bits! she's funny, witty, talented. lookie jordan sparks, i love love love her.
i wish i have that kind of inner diva in me where i can withstand all these mockery, you know. i don't really care what ppl think of me but somehow or rather, it seep into my head without me knowing it, tu yang masalah tu. but then again, there are perks for being slim: more agile, you can get good clothes, you can just squeeze your way thru, you know, those kind of things.

tu sebab la i ni pemalu kadang2. this is one of the reasons why.

thanks athena! you look damn beautiful yourself. when i saw your pic, i was like... whoa!!! lawa siott!! plus, you don't need to loose any weight la, come on. i do!!

arrggghhh!!

djambu puadovich said...

ooo...dah paham dah...patut a dulu ada cakap pasal low self-confidence/self-esteem...
fat+annoying=not good
fat+baik hati=good
thin+annoying=not so good eventho good-looking
thin+baik hati=very good
hehehe :P

athena said...

aiyo red, dont say like that. I have a lot of fat stuck at every inch of my body.

m s v l a d said...

wow!!88 to 49 girl?i think if u had a programme aired,zillions would just signed up in a second hehe..anyways,u look good as u are..dont judge or pre-judge urself becoz others did.Its their own mess.Dont succumb to that.cheers.but really we are human and we are all sickly about being stick thin(thanx to TV and gisele hehe)..