so, MV was my place of choice to run to after bailing out on the FIRST MEET (not a really good choice actually, there's practically nothing there! shud have just eat up my guts, shove the shyness away and have a sitdown with me fellow bloggers at SR in KLSentral.regret.....regret....). the shyness (++ the walking and the fact that my breakfast was 5 hours prior) has made me and nana rather famished, well, it was high time for lunch anyways. we decided to get some drinks from jusco. went to the cashier to pay and as i was waiting for my change, the cashier just bluntly asked me: "nak tanya sikit boleh tak, awak ni dulu gemuk ekk?"
erkkk.... do i know you?
i was shocked to say the least, not because of her being blunt but because of the question actually. yes, the answer is: "ye, saya mmg gemuk dulu". ok, this girl, the cashier, she's really sweet and all, but she's a little on the plump side. still, it does not make her a fugly person. personally, what is inside is what matters most. she asked me so many questions and i just keep on telling her that it is really up to you, don't let ppl make you do it. well, i did it because i was pushed around too much (not literally tho, cause you'd need a bulldozer to push me around). i can't stand the mockery anymore. one day, i just woke up and decided: i'm gonna loose some weights now. seriously, i don't remember exactly how it all started.
no, i wasn't fat last time, i was OBESE. yes, believe me, i was. i had a yo-yo weight thingy going on but i was always, overweight. i love food, i stress eat, and yeah i am a glutton! i can't stand the idea of sweating (i.e. exercise), i was never good in any sports, and i was a dumbstrucked fashion victim (used to think that huggings are good on my spare-tyre-full body....ieeeee!!! hehehe). don't believe me? check 'em out.
I WAS FAT:
early of 1998: we were in perth. ok, that was not my hair!! that was just a wig that belongs to olga chen. we were just horsing around with it.
this was late 1998: butterfly farm in melaka was it? i remembered the year because of the watch. got it for doing well in one of my exams.
this was me when i was the contestant for 'who wants to be a millionaire'. it was 2001
this was me, late 2005: meeting mama after soooo long. i was back for summer (russia) and she was back (dubai) for good. about 88kg.
I WAS ANEROXIC (that was what they said. i think i was fine, i still do):
masa ni, when people see me after so long not seing me, they thought i was sick. they tot i was stressed. please la. when i was fat, you mocked me. after loosing weight, you critisize me. what you want?!?!?!
in the span of 5 months, i went from 88kg to 49kg. i know, crazy right? to me, it was an achievement. i proved to myself that i can do it. it is all in the head. then, my body started becoming crazy, i lost my menses, my heart became really slow (still is because i train alot), and i can't stand the cold (still can't). the docs, my family, my friends got so worried and angry with me. i had to put on some weight.
2006: pott's wedding day. i was named SKELETOR.
mid 2006: leya's b'day nite.
I AM ME (but they still want me to put on abit of weight):
after some gruelling thinking, i decided to put on some weight. now, my weight is normal, but i want to loose some because i am just afraid of being fat. i still think i am, in some way (i am so NOT CRAZY). i mean, you really have to excuse me on this because i have lived all my life being fat, it is just hard to shove that impression away from my head. that is why i am shy at times. now, after 2 years, my menses is back. i am really happy.
last week: sometime after my hair re-do session.
a question that i still keep on asking: do i look fat?