I wouldn’t recommend you do this. Unless you REALLY want to loose him, then go ahead. APPLY! APPLY! APPLY! These ingenious tricks of the tray.
- Use baby talk as often as possible!
- Start every sentence with I, ME, or MY! (eg: my opinion is the ONLY opinion!)
- Make a BIG (possibly HUGE) deal out of everything…
- …unless…. It is HIS issue!
- Always count calories! (in front of him)
- keep staring at his ‘package’ and then sigh repeatedly as if disappointed!
- ALWAYS put men down!
- make a list of things he has to change about his appearance and behaviour before he can be with you!
- chain-smoke! (so not recommended)
- tell him you love him on your FIRST date!
- send several bouquets of flowers to his workplace the day AFTER your FIRST
date. - tell him about your recurring depressions and the different ways you tried to kill yourself. Make some up if necessary.
- use “I don’t know” as an answer for everything!
- only invite him over if your house is a mess!
- Always leave some hints around to show your true intentions! (eg: wedding mags, baby books, wedding planners’ contact numbers)
- let him know that you live ONLY for him!
- give him a detailed description of the sex dream you had about his best friend!
- never shave! (but you should actually…)
- complain to the waiter about everything, have him take it back, but change your mind when he returns!
- tell him once you TRIED to kill your EX, then start to laugh hysterically!
- Tape over his porn with Touched by an Angel!
- Never laugh at his jokes!
- shout out some other guy’s name in bed! (eg: yes! Yes! Yes! Tom, Brian, Leonard, or whatever your name is!)
- Ask him if he goes to therapy and then, whatever the answer, give him a list of therapists you recommend!
- Make LONG-TERM plans on your FIRST date!
- Order THREE desserts and tell him how nice it is not having to worry about your appearance now that you’ve “found” him.
- Arrange for him to pick you up somewhere and make him wait for at least an hour. Make sure not to apologize.
- be confrontational at any given moment and argue with everything he says.
- flirt openly with the bartender and make sure you get his phone number
- point out his flaws. If he doesn’t have any, make some up.
- flirt with HIS friends.
- NEVER try to pay the bill!
- bring up your EX as often as possible!
- tell him about YOUR extreme credit card debt and how you are just waiting for the “right man” to pay it off!
- give him a detailed description of everything you bought on your shopping spree
- call him several times every day, and then be quiet and wait for him to talk.
- ALWAYS wear more than one layer of makeup!
- Reapply your lipstick at least every ten minutes!
- CHEW with your mouth OPEN!
- Use ‘WE’ as often as possible
- Party all night before your date. Don’t shower or brush your teeth!
- Bring a book of BABY NAMES to your FIRST date and CIRCLE the ones you like with a pink marker!
- start to CRY after your FIRST kiss!
- live for Publicly Displayed Affection!
- take every opportunity to check out YOUR reflection
- Always be ready to FAKE a headache! (you know what I mean)
- always show your disappointment when he cancels
- let him know you are more important than anything or anyone and make him feel guilty if you ever notice otherwise!
- Always get HIGH, fall asleep, and throw up if possible!
- NEVER leave him alone! (stalking is a good step)
1 comment:
wow!.. good post dear! hahah.. gonna practice it.. tq!!
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