Saturday, January 12, 2008

staying SINGLE?

50 SURE ways for a girl to stay single.

I wouldn’t recommend you do this. Unless you REALLY want to loose him, then go ahead. APPLY! APPLY! APPLY! These ingenious tricks of the tray.

  1. Use baby talk as often as possible!

  2. Start every sentence with I, ME, or MY! (eg: my opinion is the ONLY opinion!)

  3. Make a BIG (possibly HUGE) deal out of everything…

  4. …unless…. It is HIS issue!

  5. Always count calories! (in front of him)

  6. keep staring at his ‘package’ and then sigh repeatedly as if disappointed!

  7. ALWAYS put men down!

  8. make a list of things he has to change about his appearance and behaviour before he can be with you!

  9. chain-smoke! (so not recommended)

  10. tell him you love him on your FIRST date!

  11. send several bouquets of flowers to his workplace the day AFTER your FIRST

  12. tell him about your recurring depressions and the different ways you tried to kill yourself. Make some up if necessary.

  13. use “I don’t know” as an answer for everything!

  14. only invite him over if your house is a mess!

  15. Always leave some hints around to show your true intentions! (eg: wedding mags, baby books, wedding planners’ contact numbers)

  16. let him know that you live ONLY for him!

  17. give him a detailed description of the sex dream you had about his best friend!

  18. never shave! (but you should actually…)

  19. complain to the waiter about everything, have him take it back, but change your mind when he returns!

  20. tell him once you TRIED to kill your EX, then start to laugh hysterically!

  21. Tape over his porn with Touched by an Angel!

  22. Never laugh at his jokes!

  23. shout out some other guy’s name in bed! (eg: yes! Yes! Yes! Tom, Brian, Leonard, or whatever your name is!)

  24. Ask him if he goes to therapy and then, whatever the answer, give him a list of therapists you recommend!

  25. Make LONG-TERM plans on your FIRST date!

  26. Order THREE desserts and tell him how nice it is not having to worry about your appearance now that you’ve “found” him.

  27. Arrange for him to pick you up somewhere and make him wait for at least an hour. Make sure not to apologize.

  28. be confrontational at any given moment and argue with everything he says.

  29. flirt openly with the bartender and make sure you get his phone number

  30. point out his flaws. If he doesn’t have any, make some up.

  31. flirt with HIS friends.

  32. NEVER try to pay the bill!

  33. bring up your EX as often as possible!

  34. tell him about YOUR extreme credit card debt and how you are just waiting for the “right man” to pay it off!

  35. give him a detailed description of everything you bought on your shopping spree

  36. call him several times every day, and then be quiet and wait for him to talk.

  37. ALWAYS wear more than one layer of makeup!

  38. Reapply your lipstick at least every ten minutes!

  39. CHEW with your mouth OPEN!

  40. Use ‘WE’ as often as possible

  41. Party all night before your date. Don’t shower or brush your teeth!

  42. Bring a book of BABY NAMES to your FIRST date and CIRCLE the ones you like with a pink marker!

  43. start to CRY after your FIRST kiss!

  44. live for Publicly Displayed Affection!

  45. take every opportunity to check out YOUR reflection

  46. Always be ready to FAKE a headache! (you know what I mean)

  47. always show your disappointment when he cancels

  48. let him know you are more important than anything or anyone and make him feel guilty if you ever notice otherwise!

  49. Always get HIGH, fall asleep, and throw up if possible!

  50. NEVER leave him alone! (stalking is a good step)

1 comment:

athena said...

wow!.. good post dear! hahah.. gonna practice it.. tq!!