visual and intellectual conflict

seriously, i had major trouble trying this one out. almost got cockeyed! try it!

go figure! \(^_^*)/

eating is the new BLACK

I like this place since the first time i tried it (i think it was sometime early last year) simply because it has a nice feel to it. the ambience is rather laid back and yet quite sleek and classy (judging by the decor and furniture and also because they have cute waiters who are always on their feet to meet any of your demands). the service here, i would rate good as next to excellent because the orders were taken carefully and they repeat your orders. after you are done with your meal, they will promptly come and clear your plate and ask you how the meal was. the place looks neat and the waiters themselves looked clean. this restaurant serves food that are a fusion of traditional thai street food and the contemporary western food.

the food menu and drink menu are 2 different menus because they have such an array of beverages to choose from. the layout of the menu is classy with visual elements of the dishes and drinks so that we have some idea as to what our dish will look like (yeah, it is not 100% accurate but i can safely say that the food we got was 84% similar to the pictures). the menus also explain the ingredients of the dishes that are available. very grafic and very informative......i like.

they also have alot of sets and deals that you can choose from to go easy on the money.

this is the GREEN CURRY. it is filled with creamy coconut milk with a hint of heat and spice. you can get some pieces of chicken, peas, green onions and spanish onions. but for those who like it hot, this might not be for you cause it is more to the sweet side to counter the heat from bird's eye chillies. could be shared by 2 people. RM9.90


a simple plate of white rice. hontoni kawaii!!! it is uncontemporarily (is there such word?) shaped into a fluffy rectangle. RM2.40

Mixed Vegetable: this dish is lighty stir fried. the base of the dish is most likely to be garlic, fish sauce and oyster sauce. the serving is for 2. RM8.90

Grilled Chicken Salad: this is MY dish!!! i LOVE it hontonii!!! the salad leaves are fresh and crisp. served with french onion and green capsicum slices. there are also some cherry tomatoes. the choice of dressing is up to you. they have 3 choices ( i can't quite remember their names), but i chose the chilli lime sauce. the dressing is served on the side, not like usual, where they mix everything into a mush. the chicken breasts are tender and not too dry. the taste of the chicken breasts permeates right through to the center of the breast piece. RM8.90

we didn't order any drinks because they were on the pricy side. one bottle of mineral water is RM3.00 (which amira had). instead, i went to 7-11 and got my fix of pepsi max and a can of coke light for mammy dearest.

the service charge was 10% of the grand total (which i totally think they deserve because the service was really good and plus, one of the waiters is actually CUTE ...hehehe).

....and as usual, the GST is 5% of grand total.

be bold, be BLACK.

Black Canyon Coffee

Lot 3 & 3A, Ground Floor,

Centre Point, Lebuh Bandar Utama,

47800, Petaling Jaya.

Tel:+60377264328

Fax: +60377274329

New WARNING sign in MALAYSIA

i HONESTLY think that this warning sign should be posted ALL OVER MALAYSIA, simply because MOST parents nowadays just couldn't care much about their offsprings anymore. after what had happened to the late NURIN JAZLIN, still, many parents disregard the HARD CORE FACT that they are many many, oh-so-many PSYCHOTIC PAEDOPHILES out there (either that, they are doing this for the ransom, but i doubt). come on! right after the passing of ADIK NURIN, one girl went missing in PENANG. almost the same situation: the girl went to a nearby night market to buy VCD and she went on her OWN!!! what kind of parents would let their child go just like that??

and now, the case of ADIK SHARLINIE. she was allowed to go to the playground with her sister (who was the acting ADULT at that moment) who is 7 years old, 2 years elder than she is. ok, kids need to be active and run around and stuff. PARENTS too! whatever were the parents/caretakers doing while they let their 2 (TWO) children go and play like that? is it so hard to be there and spend some quality time with the children?

even i worry about my sister (who is 18, by the way) when i heard that she was going out to a concert on her own. even i worry about my sister (who is 12) when she went out with her group of frens to the mall, chaperoned by one of the kids' aunt. i am their SISTER and yet i care and worry abt them constantly. but these PARENTS?? what do they care right?

with all of these cases running wild and active these days, you can still hear announcements being made over the PA system: "Will the guardian/parent of this lost child please come to the information counter right now to collect your child" in malls. parents are just way to busy spending their money on worldly possessions and so afraid that they don't get that product on sale because other shoppers are fighting for it, that they NEGLECT their care. i went to IKANO on 2 consequetive days (yeah, like there are no other place right?), and knowing that IKANO is not so crowded as THE STREET at THE CURVE, announcements about missing children still dominate the sound system on BOTH days! crazee right?

children will end up with this question on their minds because they wonder very much if their parents do care about them or not.

christmas all over again for me (the RED and GREEN story)

this is just a short note (eh, this sound just like what my lecturers would say: "short note questions". exams are over la weiii!!! takyah nak poyo kat sini!!!) to share my joys for today. really, i am believing so much that with much patience and trust, many miracles could happen, slowly, but definitely, surely.

the morning today started off by me faking my sleep so that i dun have to send me lil' sis to school simply because i am so damn lazy. but cause i know she'd love it for me to send her instead of anyone else (ceeeehhhhhh.... bangga seyy \(^00^)/ ), i woke up and got ready. usually, my idea of getting ready is just to put on something decent, brush the hair strewn all over my face due to sleeping, and then ciao la apa lagi kan.

but this morn, something was different. i felt like i wanted to take a shower and wash my face and brush my teeth, all that just to send me lil' sis to school (i was thinking: "am i dying? why am i doing all these weird things?"). sent her off, came back and had me brekkies (wheatbiscuit + milk + soybeans), watch something on the tube (nothing actually cause ASTRO is SUPER CRAP nowadays), and then i was left with thoughts of what to do. i decided on gardening (uisshhh... don't pray pray, i DO HAVE GREEN THUMB k! my plants are doing fine, thank you very much), and folding the laundry. after all that, i just sat aimlessly (again in front of telly. cue: where is the hang rope already?), letting the time pass me by.

i have a weak bladder so therefore my next step was to the LOO (not the LOURVE k. weel, at least i wish i could go there). i didn't expect or suspect anything but today i was in for a surprise. i see RED.

yeah, i know, too much details right? actually, for those who know me, they would know that i am soooo damn happy now that i am back to NORMAL again. alhamdulillah.... i have been on the "dry land" for a little over 2 years due to my severe weight loss (now tembam like mad already!!! waaaa..... kena loose a bit lohhh). i tot i was undergoing immature menopause and i was sad but i never showed it. now, not anymore. i feel super brand NEW! so damn happy!!!


that was the RED part of the story. now, lets move on to the GREEN, shall we?


since we didn't manage to tailor-make our baju raya last year, this year, mama came up with another tactic (gawwwsshhh!!! are we playing COUNTER STRIKE here?). her brilliant idea is to get the materials as soon as NOW and start the process of looking for the best tailor to make our garments. but because we are all GIRLS, the subject of what colour would the baju raya be this year was almost a warcrime, hair-pulling, ass-spanking (eh,this part is good right?) episode. so, we've decided to draw lots. see, for the reason of being fair, i decided that the odds should be 1:10 rather than 1:4. so, i wrote down the 7 colours of the rainbow and added brown (mama's choice), white, and turquoise. mama was the person to draw and i (again) was the announcer of the result. and the winner is......

step 1: wear GREEN baju raya!


......ME of course! i wanted GREEN and we got GREEN!




F/N: not so 'SHORT NOTE' after all eh?

go FIGURE!

have you ever wondered how long the SUNWAY ICE RINK (if you could actually EVER CONSIDER it as an ICE RINK that is....) has been around? well, i know you have loads of other things to wonder about, nevertheless, i DID. I WONDERED how long have that rink been around and only YESTERDAY that i braved myself (actually, i wanted to TEACH my sister how to skate since i have been skating for awhile when i was in russia. gawsh, this is a classic case of 'KETAM MENGAJAR ANAKNYA BERJALAN') to go on the ICE.

as always, i wanna be the PRO of 'em all. but what a shame when i discovered that there are so many others that are soooooo TERE! even those tiny minute little creatures that have their skates bigger than their faces, can skate like a PRO!

after some rounds, i got bored and wanted to show off my skills. i started skating backwards, turning and even attempted to do the amateur FIGURE EIGHT.


.....i guess, writing the number 8 on a piece of paper using my toes to hold the pen would be much much much more easier.



as you would have guessed, my attempt was to no avail. more like i kept on loosing my balance and lucky enough, i did not have to suffer the embarassment of falling.

then, i was eyeing the mini people (kids, i mean) having their lessons. i tried to pick up some of the skills that were tot. so what now, you ask? well, what else, but to skate with one leg only!

i did lift up my leg and yeah, i managed to skate with ONE LEG ONLY (albeit is being only for a few centimetres from the starting point). but of course i don't look like this. good part is: at least i was dressed almost like this, with my tights and fru-fru skirt, and the works (gawsh!!! the length i'd go to look the part!)



well, i did enjoy myself tho, which is much more important right. yeah, and i burned somw calories while having fun!



today, i woke up with a bad ass bruise on my pretibial area (that is the skin your foreleg, for those who dunno....). haissshh.... you have fun loads and you HAVE to suffer a little, yeah?



take it or leave it.

confessions of a coffee addict (the REAL re-enactment!)

i have been off coffee for the past 4 days simply because we ran out of stock of coffee at home. it is not that i don't wanna go and buy a new pack of coffee but it is just that if i were to buy the usual NESCAFE, it is so damn boring and not strong enough for me. the DAVIDOFF and JACOBS coffees are too expensive here in m'sia and i sure don't wanna blow what's left of my $$ in my purse to COFFEE BEAN & TEA LEAF because the $$ should be used for some other stuffs which are more important (now tell me, what is more important than having my FIX eh? haiishhh, i should learn how to PRIORITIZE....).

so, what do i do? how can i go thru this? i am a self-confessed coffee addict. i HAVE, no i MUST have my coffee fix at least twice per day, that is how bad i am. to top that, it does not make me stay awake at all. i am already tolerant to it. all it does is that it gives me the comfortable feeling of having some kind of stimulant in my body.

with a hardcore determination, i decided to go and do the unimaginable: i tried to make some coffee with whatever devices and raw materials that we have at home. so this is my short-lived journey of what i went thru to have ONE (unsuccessful) coffee fix. it's sad. so, be ready with some kleenex to dry those puffy eyes later.....


it started off with a handful of coffee beans that mama got fron Wien (see in the background: JACAOBS ESPRESSO k).


wanted to use this coffee maker that mama got for me from Wien also. but this thing does not grind the coffee beans and we need coffee filter paper, which we don't have. i don't wanna spoil this thing, so i decided not to use it.


instead, i went MALAYSIAN style and used the old school pestle and mortar (batu lesung and batu tumbuk la). but you know right, even if you use the food processor, or blender, or this, the smell and the essence of the last thing (imagine the taste of COFFEE + BELACAN or COFFEE + KUNYIT, mesti sodap!!) that was put in here is stuck there, right.


so, i moved on to using a plastic cup as the base. amazingly, i managed to crush the beans.



but not as fine as i desired. nevermind, as long as i get to have the beans crushed, i can only hope and pray that the next step to this culinary adventure (as amira would call it), is getting my COFFEE FIX! woooohoooo!!!


to my dismay, this was the result of my heart wrenching, muscle busting (at least i got a good workout, eh?) effort. even with hot boiling water, i didn't get the heavenly brew i wanted (cue: enter kleenex, start crying your hearts out).


in the end, like a true ADDICT, i just started to chew on some of the beans. told you, i BADLY NEEDED my caffein fix.


sad ain't it?

Mamma Mee-a!

I woke up extra early today simply because i can't sleep anymore. i slept at abt 1200 am yesterday and i can't force myself to sleep. i was awake at 0603. decided to clean myself up and do my prayers and all. and now.... i HAVE NOTHING TO DO. so, ok, why not fill this time by writing out my first FOOD BLOG ever!

i have been wanting to write a FOOD BLOG since i read a few foodies' blogs over the net. most of them are from singapore and i noticed that they are lacking reviews of the amazing food that are available in MALAYSIA. i hope this new addition to the FOODIES' blogs that i am making an attempt to write will give some benefit to everyone (are there actually anyone who reads my blog? haiiishhhh).


for my first FOOD BLOG ever, i wanna give a review about this hidden treasure place that (thank God!) we found somewhere near where we are staying. this place is kinda secluded as to the fact it is rather new.

the first impression when you enter this restaurant would be 'haiisshhh, another kopitiam arr?" see, the new-age, high-end kopitiams are growing and appearing like popping rabbits nowadays. and it seems like they have no inclination of making it somewhat different from the other. they serve the same blahdy thing in almost ALL the kopitiams. but this place that we found is so much different. the setting is like a kopitiam setting. the ambience was very rustic and the place is so CLEAN!

the counter where food are prepared. very kampung looking right? i like.....

there are alot of these traditional bits and pieces that are found all over the place. really cute and reminds you so much of being in the desa....look at the stools! classic ain't it?

we sat and have a look at the menu. it was a simple 2-face page cardboard thingy. but the detail that they put into designing the menu, it simply look adorable.

the MENU.

this were what we ordered:

HOT BARLEY: nothing much to say about this as it tastes the same as any other kopitiam barley. it has a hint of pandan in it. it is premixed with sugar. so for those who want it to be sugar-free, i am so sorry, but you have no say in this. but the sweet waiter asked if i want mine to be less sweet. i opted for that and yeah, true to his words, it was less sweet, which i managed to drink but end up feeling super guilty! (gawwssshhh.... i am so damn paranoid!) RM 1.80

CINCAU: same thing oso. RM2.00

MEE JAWA: this was the first to arrive. the serving was HUGE!. it came with sambal kosong, sambal sotong, half an egg, and some chinese-style crackers. the gravy was not too thick and the seasoning of everything was perfect to the T. it is not too spicy for those who can't take spicy food. but it is definately DELICIOUS! RM6.90

ASAM LAKSA: this one tastes EXACTLY like the ones that you can find ONLY in GURNEY DRIVE, PENANG! i am so not over exagerrating on this but it is TRUE! the gravy was perfect, the serving was HUGE, it had pineapple slices, daun kesum, and all that jazz! this is so mouthwatering. i wanted to order one for myself but seeing that i had GASTRIC attack (why la now??), i couldn't eat much. so i was basically pinching from others. RM5.90

NYONYA FRIED CHICKEN: i didn't eat this one cause it was deep-fried. but it looked too tempting that i was on the verge of having a bite of it!!! (noooo... control is the key!). nevertheless, others who had it said that it was sooooo nice. the marinade was perfect and the sauce that came with it was good, not too sweet and not too spicy. the serving size was not so bite-sized therefore, it was worth it. the chicken pieces were crispy on the outside, yet still very moist inside, unlike some other places where you get the chicken to be super dehydrated if want it to be crispy. RM6.00

BUBUR PULUT HITAM: sorry cause i didn't have a picture of this. kinda forget to take a snap of it. but it looked amazing! it was thick and smelled really good. it was not too sweet and the hint of coconut milk made it all too addictive. the bowl was BIG that one could be shared. it was served warm, just nice for consumption. RM4.00

All in all, this place is very2 worth it. i would highly recommend this. when the bill came, there was no service charge to boot! how cool is that. the service was great, the place was clean and yet they don't charge us on this.

ADD: MEE JAWA, Unit B-0-3A, Block B, Casa Tropicana.

Tel: 012-4835555

Verdict: MAKES YOUR STOMACH GROWL FOR MORE!

Of course this place is CERTIFIED as HALAL!

an early bird caught the worm (thaaattttsssss MOI!)

today started off super duper well!! see, although i had to wake up extra early this morning (eh, early? i mmg kenot sleep one right?) to send amal for her cross country run (waaaaa!!! her blahdy ejit school didn't allow me to be the pacerunner leyyyy.... what is this?!??!), and send amira to college for her i-dun-noe-what, it was worth every single bit of it!
we were stuck in the morning school jam (blahdy chinese school!! hey, i am not racist k. but this school is super blahdy irritationg no matter where it is!) even tho we dashed out of the house at approx 0650. so, instead of my usual dose of ERA.FM, i had to tune in to HITZ.FM (thank GOD!) because my lovely sisters are ENGLISH-songs-only listeners.

so, JJ and RUDY were doing the 'SING IT TO ME BABY! UHUH! UHUH!' segment and out of impulse (as always), i gave them a buzz. initially, i accidentally dialled ERA.FM's number but i quickly realized this mistake and dialled the correct number. at the SECOND try, i got thru. actually, i have no idea as to how to go about playing this game, but i pressed on. it was damn funny leyy! cause i was trying to figure out what i was supposed to do. i trudged on, and finally got away with it. and guess what??? tho JJ said i had 'timing issues' with the singalong to 'SING IT WITH ME BABY! UHUH! UHUH!', i dun effing care. i had FUN with the DJs and a girl named felicia (hey, don't read it the wrong way k). the best thing was.... I WON!!! the prize was RM100 cash and CIBA VISION coloured contact lenses. woot! woot!

i hope the colour is green cause i know some people are just GREEN WITH ENVY with me right now. ALHAMDULILLAH... my LUCK struck yet again.



then in the mid morn, i joined mama to be a volunteer in the NATIONAL CANCER CENTRE of MALAYSIA. i felt kinda awkward at first cause i have never gone to this kind of things before. so, we met up with the surviving cancer patients and today, we had to give them an aromatherapy massage. i was practically shakaing at first cause i was afraid that i might hurt my partner. but in the end, she (my partner is an expat's wife hailing from northern india who had just had a masectomy) asked me to put more pressure in my massage as i was too 'delicate' hehehehe.... i gave her a nice head, back, hand, and face massage. we even had a nice talk.
it was so much fun as the organisers took me in as one of them right away, especially aunt cindy from kentucky. i was practically the youngest one there and one of the patients said that i looked a pro masseus (did i spell this right?).

as always, they didn't know that i finished high school already and well in my way thru uni. they tot that i was still in high school and kept on asking of what were i to do when i graduate from high school.... ahhhh.... kembang seyy...

i felt good helping them feel good.

try it.

ketupat is my current phobia

This morning (19th JAN '08), i woke up at the break of dawn (actually, way before that. i woke up at 0530,eventho i slept only at about 0100 in the morn!) to get ready to join the 8thPLORACE, organised by UM students, and was introduced to me by non other than MASTURAH. I was all psyched up about the race cause i have been wanting to join this kind of get-up since the existence of the amazing race. since last year i didn't manage to join the REAL TARA II, i guess, this shall suffice (or prolly this is the prelimenarie round for the REAL TARA III that i am planning to join?).




....the briefing session before the race. not much of a help tho....(-_-")







there were 4 of us in each group. my team was called the MAROON 4 (cause mas likes the colour maroon) and consists of me, mas, udin, and os. i don't even know these 2 guys but as the race goes, we stick to the team power and regardless of our lack of introduction to each other, we became united as one.



....masturah and moi....

.............udin, down to his last drop of sweat to do the KNOT (actually, i did all 4 with the help of some guy that i chatted with :P). beside him is os (sorry os, i didn't have a pic of you...)

today, i have done quite some things that i never tot that i would in a lifetime. these are the tasks that we had to do:

• terjun masuk sawah padi - at first i was reluctant to do this so os jumped in first. then, since the poor darling can't find the right clue (Cause at first he got a dummy), i didn't think any further, took of my shoes and socks, with my bag still on my back (mind you, it ain't LIGHT), i jumped into the sawah padi and the first word out of my mouth was 'FUCK'. i can't believe i was actually up to my knees in mud and i was trudging with my hands into the mud to look for clues! gawsh!! the things i'd do to WIN!
• the SUDOKU challenge - who would have tot right? as an ardent sudoku player, i tried to solve it. but my nerves got the best of me and most of the numbers were jumbled in my head like mad! so, udin jumped in, as well as mas and os, and we managed to get it done in record time.

F/N: from the sawah padi to the sudoku area, it was grass and land and guess what, i ran BAREFOOT from one point to the other! who the hell cares!

• Rumah Terengganu - THIS was the most effing task ever! i was so damn happy when they said that we had to make 5 ketupat casings. thank God! was my first tot cause i know how to make 'em. but after i am done with all 5, the effing marshals want them in 'ketupat bawang' style. what the ef?!??! i have no idea of how to make them. and because of this TASK, we actually didn't win any place in the rank of winners. we were stuck here for almost 2 hours. i nearly cried, not because of the gastric pain that was so overwhelming, but because of the thought that i know we won't make it as winners. stupid organizers!
• the fear food - here, all of us had to eat whatever that was given to us. and yeah, i was afraid. not because of the weird food combo that they might give us, but because i was afraid that they might give us any calorie/fat/sugar laden food that i don't think i can take! but thankfully, it was only a mix of cili sauce + kicap + raw egg. i took it in one gulp without thinking. i nearly effing puke everything out but i guess, taking into consideration that i was actually very HUNGRY, the mix didn't manage to make it's way out from my mouth.
• the TOWER - me and os ran to the next task, followed by mas and udin. i didn't want to be tagged as the HOGGER of tasks, so, i let os do the honours of this one. he really is so adorable and he ran up the tower to get the next clue. we were cheering him on from below. poor fellow, the amount of sweat!
• science of orchids - this was hands down, MY task. there were 10 SCIENTIFIC names of orchids out of which, 5 we have to remember and announce them to the marshall. i did it in one go and the marshall was astounded that i did it so fast and without mistake. hehehehe... that is the advantage of all those nights planting my nose in books (gawsh!!! have i become a geek???).
• the KNOT - this is another stupid EFFING task. we had to tie a chinese symbolic knot to perfection. mind you, it ain't EASY! i tried calling JO-EE for help (tho i know it won't make much different because she can't see what i was doing. but still, kenapa kau tak jawap arr??), but to know avail. good part was, i had fun flirting!! :P amazing, i actually know how to flirt and the guys were so adorably funny anf helpful cause they were the ones who actually tied the knots for my team (ahhh.... i know how to work my charm right).
• the DAM - it is DAMN far from the last point and it was uphill. running was a tad too much for me but i still press on. tot that we were gonna swim or shaites like that. but actually, it was an entry point to the jungle trekking task. it was a long trek in and yeah, i was actually running.
• the SPICE - i can't quite remember when did this task come in. i did this one. super EASY! we had to sniff some spices while being blindfolded and guess what are they. thanks to my knowledge in the culinary world (i am effing sure that i know more than amira ehhehe), this one was just a swing by.

after the jungle trek, there were 2 more tasks to be completed but we didn't do it because there is no need to. there are teams that already won and it made no difference as to whether we did the task or not.

at this point, i was at an all low. i really wanted to win.

come to think again, i ruled out the bad and the good things that happened today. and guess what??? the good prevailed!

• burned like a gazillion calories - CHECK
• did things that i never thought i could - CHECK
• check out cute guys - CHECK
• flirt with guys - SUPER CHECK
• made new friends - CHECK
• made guys jealous of me cause i had more stamina than them - DOUBLE CHECK
  

so i guess, winning ain't everything. FUN is what that is REALLY IMPORTANT

MAS, thanks for the race today.

i see dead CICAK

well, as you all are aware of, CICAK has recently made it to my list of weird things that i am afraid of (apart from durian, bald heads [some are ok], closed space...etc...). for the length that i was here ALONE in this apartment that was meant for 9 people to stay (and then there was 1 = ME), i kept on noticing this devilish-looking wall-climbers (why tony parker is not here?). they excreted on my table, on the floor, they run around like it was a mini playground, and hell! these shameless things even tried mating in front of my eyes!!! crazee!!! i mean, yeah, i have been single for sometime now, but no need for the rub-in-my face gestures!

so, yesterday, i just got back and i kept on whiffing this horrid smell. tot it was a dead rat or sth. but i am pretty sure that this place does not bear any (this place only bears flies, pigs, mosquitoes, ants, and CICAKs). i was wondering like mad, where was it coming from. after about 4 hours, i finally found it........

dead and dried in MY DRAWER!!!

does anyone have the number for the industrial cleaners? i need it please.

good news: one less CICAK in this world!

staying SINGLE?

50 SURE ways for a girl to stay single.

I wouldn’t recommend you do this. Unless you REALLY want to loose him, then go ahead. APPLY! APPLY! APPLY! These ingenious tricks of the tray.

1. Use baby talk as often as possible!


2. Start every sentence with I, ME, or MY! (eg: my opinion is the ONLY opinion!)


3. Make a BIG (possibly HUGE) deal out of everything…


4. …unless…. It is HIS issue!


5. Always count calories! (in front of him)


6. keep staring at his ‘package’ and then sigh repeatedly as if disappointed!


7. ALWAYS put men down!


8. make a list of things he has to change about his appearance and behaviour before he can be with you!


9. chain-smoke! (so not recommended)


10. tell him you love him on your FIRST date!


11. send several bouquets of flowers to his workplace the day AFTER your FIRST
    date.


12. tell him about your recurring depressions and the different ways you tried to kill yourself. Make some up if necessary.


13. use “I don’t know” as an answer for everything!


14. only invite him over if your house is a mess!


15. Always leave some hints around to show your true intentions! (eg: wedding mags, baby books, wedding planners’ contact numbers)


16. let him know that you live ONLY for him!


17. give him a detailed description of the sex dream you had about his best friend!


18. never shave! (but you should actually…)


19. complain to the waiter about everything, have him take it back, but change your mind when he returns!


20. tell him once you TRIED to kill your EX, then start to laugh hysterically!


21. Tape over his porn with Touched by an Angel!


22. Never laugh at his jokes!


23. shout out some other guy’s name in bed! (eg: yes! Yes! Yes! Tom, Brian, Leonard, or whatever your name is!)


24. Ask him if he goes to therapy and then, whatever the answer, give him a list of therapists you recommend!


25. Make LONG-TERM plans on your FIRST date!


26. Order THREE desserts and tell him how nice it is not having to worry about your appearance now that you’ve “found” him.


27. Arrange for him to pick you up somewhere and make him wait for at least an hour. Make sure not to apologize.


28. be confrontational at any given moment and argue with everything he says.


29. flirt openly with the bartender and make sure you get his phone number


30. point out his flaws. If he doesn’t have any, make some up.


31. flirt with HIS friends.


32. NEVER try to pay the bill!


33. bring up your EX as often as possible!


34. tell him about YOUR extreme credit card debt and how you are just waiting for the “right man” to pay it off!


35. give him a detailed description of everything you bought on your shopping spree


36. call him several times every day, and then be quiet and wait for him to talk.


37. ALWAYS wear more than one layer of makeup!


38. Reapply your lipstick at least every ten minutes!


39. CHEW with your mouth OPEN!


40. Use ‘WE’ as often as possible


41. Party all night before your date. Don’t shower or brush your teeth!


42. Bring a book of BABY NAMES to your FIRST date and CIRCLE the ones you like with a pink marker!


43. start to CRY after your FIRST kiss!


44. live for Publicly Displayed Affection!


45. take every opportunity to check out YOUR reflection


46. Always be ready to FAKE a headache! (you know what I mean)


47. always show your disappointment when he cancels


48. let him know you are more important than anything or anyone and make him feel guilty if you ever notice otherwise!


49. Always get HIGH, fall asleep, and throw up if possible!


50. NEVER leave him alone! (stalking is a good step)