Finishing Line

I have run the 10,000 mile race with much support, much courage, and much determination. There were many obstacles that I had to go through to get to the finishing line. There were hard, but they made me stronger.

Now, it is just another 50m to the finishing line and I know I have tried my very best. I am leading this race right now.

But for some reason, suddenly I see, a huge wall of China just before the end of the race. This is not stopping my determination.

I am only human and can only try as much and push further.

Great wall of China, it is only a matter of time till I could climb over and finish this race.

I believe that finishing line is just a few days away.....

It hurts to hurt

Hurt: such a simple 4-letter word that has an impact worst than a meteorite hitting you.

I hate that feeling do much. Be it physically, emotionally, intellectually, hurt is just something that I don't really need.

But what is worse is when you feel hurt when you hurt someone else. Then you know that the person that you have hurt, means a whole lot to you.

That lingering feeling will not go away. The after taste that haunts you is worse than having durian for breakfast. No matter how they say it is not your fault, you know that you are wrong. And no matter how much you apologize, you know it is never enough to take the hurt that you have caused, away.

Shit, this hurts.

Malaysian Public Transport: Sometimes, I'd rather walk

I have arrived in Kuala Lumpur (yes, FRIENDS, we need to hang out before I start locking myself in the room in favour of preparing for the Final Cut). It was an early arrival, you know one of the RAREST moments when KTMB actually follows the schedule and you are on time.

I arrived at about 0540h and I know that it was too early. So, I loitered a bit around KLS and got myself a healthy breakfast to start the day: an overly priced can of Diet Coke. Yes, it was healthy. It got my heart racing when I saw the price but since I was already at the counter and there were people behind me waiting in line to pay, I'd rather not make a scene out of it and just get the damn thing.

To kill time, I went on to check on the other commuter schedules. Just for fun. You know what they say: Knowledge is power. After awhile, I decided to go out of the building and catch myself a ride back home.


The first ride out was at 0600h. I was more than elated to be able to catch that one. I entered the ride, I took out my money and he said to me: "No change, take the 0615h ride instead". I was like: WTF???

I mean how could a public transport that does not prewarn the passengers with a big ass sign that says: "EXACT CHANGE ONLY", tell you to get off because he doesn't have change? Seriously, that is just purely dumb. I was shocked beyond say. Got off the ride and went looking for the next best thing.


The next best thing of course will take you there in matter of minutes. Problem is, as soon as you close the door to this ride with you inside it, the charge meter starts off at RM3, without even moving a milimeter. So, you are actually paying RM3 to sit in the ride.

Next, he would use the furthest route possible to get you there, when you can actually get there in 15 minutes, the ride will take about 30minutes. The charge from point A to point B, which is about 30km will be around rm24. With that kind of money, I can get more falsies for me.

Plus, each and everyday, the costs to get a ride on these public transport increases. Thing is, taxis use NGV which is disgustingly cheap and buses use diesel which is also cheap as compared to petrol. LRTs use electric and that too does not cause as much as petrol.

So why so effing expensive?

Really, I'd rather burn the fat on my ass by walking, albeit the many days that I might take to reach my destination.

Aku tengah marah

*Mamak, saya pinjam gambar ini dari awak ye :)*

Buat apa suruh aku call kau jika kau nak buang duit aku je?

Setiap kali attendance hilang, semua nak cari aku. Ye, memang tu tanggungjawap aku sebagai group manager to make sure that all the attendances, the logs, are sent in at the end of the posting. Setiap kali pun aku buat macam tu. Tak pernah aku lambat hantar, tak pernah aku simpan jadi pekasam, takde maknanya.

But EVERYTIME lepas aku hantar, lepas 3 bulan, korang yang kat office tu semua nak call aku, nak tanya aku mana attendance, mana log. Macam sial. Kalau korang yang hilangkan, korang la punya pasal. Kenapa aku yang nak duduk exam tak berapa lama lagi ni, korang nak susahkan? Takde otak ke?

Pastu, korang suruh aku call korang. Weii, guna otak la. Mak aku bayar duit bill aku. Aku belum kerja lagi pun. Korang yang dah bekerja tu, takleh nak bayar ke? Takleh nak call ke? Duit banyak2 simpan buat apa? Bawa masuk kubur ke? Serious tak boleh pakai betul la.

Bila dah hilang macam ni, kau nak salahkan aku? Salahkan lah... aku memang dah tak tau nak cakap macam mana lagi dah.

Korang buat aku tension tau.

Boleh blah tak?

I am a graduate

After 13 years of driving and getting my P done TWICE, thanks to my dad who did not renew my license, my being in Russia, my having not enough time....

I finally did it.

I am a graduate!!!

Legally.... :P

I see

I ate a whole carrot for dinner yesterday. My differential diagnosis for myself today will be:

-carotenamia
-X-ray eyes
-I'll become a playbunny (that is so far fetched!)
-I can be one of the X-men. Gambit will have to make a run for it.

No wonder things seem clearer today

Spotted

At first only one appeared on my upper arm. I thought it might be a bug bite or something.

Few days later, more spots emerged. They are all over my body. Couldn't be bug bites because I wear tops to cover myself.

Now, there are more emerging.

What the hell is this?!?!?

Scripted

http://jimfairthorne.files.wordpress.com

Someone once told me that the life that we are living in right now, it has all been scripted since the beginning of time. Whatever that occurs, whatever path that we choose, whatever that we will be, has all been written. We are just actors and actresses that walk the stage that we call earth.

Sometimes, I wish not to believe that because I question myself, why would God want to script bad things to happen in our lives? Why can't it be all sunshiny and smooth-sailing all the way. Why must there be poverty, war, hate and all that that is terrible?

And then I sat back and think again. Of course there must be a balance in everything. God will not give us problems that we can't solve. He knows us better than anyone, even better than ourselves. Therefore he gives us problems, as a test, for us to find a solution, for us to be a better person, for us to excel in our lives that He has given us.

There are many things running and colliding in my life at this moment. When they all happen together, I feel like I wanna run away from it all and just let go. But after awhile, I know that that won't solve anything, in fact, it will make it worse. All I can do is try my level best not to give up and solve these matters. Ask for help. And finally pray that it will all go down a lighted path for me.

I want this more than anything right now. I can't just hold back anymore.

I don't know what my life was scripted to be. But if this is a challenge in the script that I have to go through, Insya'Allah, I will.

I want to go through this last leg of this chapter of my life.

Every girls' dream

I was on the phone with Kris (not her real name) yesterday and as usual, we taunt each other at the beginning of the conversation which will then flow on to the usuals of as asking her daily activities and gossip. Oh yes, as much as we try not to, it is human nature (read: men and women) to just gossip about anything and everything under the sun.

The topic chosen was about most girls and their dreams. This girl named Selena (not the real name) has been talking to her other colleagues that it is time that Selena has to get married. This is because most of the other friends are married and have babies. So Selena feels left out.

Poor Selena , wanting to get hitched just to be the in group, which also means, getting hitched for all the wrong reasons.

I guess the topic somewhat got itself embedded in my hippocampus and it became a memory. I wasn't thinking about it all but subconsciously, it stayed there like a dormant virus waiting for the right time to show itself.

The latent period was not that long, as last night, I had a dream about that very topic.

I was at a performance gig, where I was on stage with my guitar with some other friends. When I wanted to play, the string broke so I had to run down and borrow a guitar from the other teams. I managed to do so, from a person that I knew before.

While we were performing, the guy whom I borrowed the guitar from, he came out from backstage and proposed to me, right smack in the middle of the performance. I was so shocked. I couldn't answer him. I was with mixed feelings: excited that someone was proposing, afraid that this will be it, commitment. And then something else happened, I couldn't quite remember and I woke up, still haven't given the answer.

If it did happen in the real world, I might be running towards the other direction, not knowing what to do.

I have an aversion towards this kind of thing.

New old me.

As for everyone else, new year is a celebration that is much awaited. The streets will be alive till the wee hours of the morning. Party-goers are seen in throngs almost everywhere you turn. Well-wishers, doing their routine SMS and Messenger texts to all the people that they know with the same wish: "happy new year and many more to come" yada.... yada.....

But as for me, there is nothing fancy about new year unless I was with my loved ones, my family. Half of them are 443km away and half of them are a whole other continent away. So, I don't feel that there is any point of me celebrating. So, I did the smart thing and I slept off, trying to catch up with the sleep deficit that I was hoarding.

At 12 midnight sharp of year 2011, I woke up to the sound of fireworks. WOW! Really? This place allows fireworks, what with it being a state that does not allow any form of entertainment. I took my very late shower and I couldn't even force myself to sleep after that. What am I to do?

The first thing that I did in 2011 was to register myself with SPA, the body that deals with me being a government servant soon enough. That shows how eager, desperate, more like, of me to be a doctor. In the darkness of my room, only lit by my table lamp that was fixed with energy-saving bulb, I surfed the online ocean and did me a favour by being a registered member of the government.

I only managed to catch some sleep at 3am, after doing some reading. Really, books are the best to cure my insomnia.

At 0630h, I was awake, but I couldn't sustain my consciousness because of the lack of sleep. I finally woke up at 0800h. I was hoping the day would be filled with more book reading sessions.

But I failed gloriously to do so. My attention span is only 30 minutes, trust me.

So, there goes. To start off 2011, I self diagnose me with Tourette's, whatever that is.

A new year, same old me.