I am writing again

Everyone has a past, secrets, dark memories. I am included. These things that we call experiences, some of us learn from them, some of us just fail in them. I have kept many of my life experiences on my own. Thus making who I am today. Whatever I feel like doing, just because I am a really curious person (everybody should know this by now), I will do. And being a person of "just do it", I did. The consequences of my secrets are mine to bear, to learn from, to stop. Whatever that I did, is mine, and mine alone. No one told me to do so. So please, stop looking at others and just look at me. I can say that sometimes, I don't know what I am doing, therefore, I am learning on my own.

You have your pasts too, right? Did you not learn from it as well? Did you not learn from your own mistakes? Did you not jeopardize many things? But you still go on, steadfast, to become who you are today. To live your life today. Regardless of what everyone else say, you still go on.

We shared our secrets, well some of it. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me. Whatever I have seen with my own eyes, heard with my own ears, those are memories etched in my life. I can't erase them, I can only remember them and that is it. Those are not my stories to tell, those are yours.

During the days when no one would talk to you, when people question me, why do I keep on going back to you, do I not remember what you have done to me, how much you have hurt me, I tell them, regardless, I can never erase you from my life. You are a part of me. Now, that many have started making amends, you forgot, and you put the blame on me. For being someone whom you never knew who I was. I am who I am, no one made me this way. This is me, and I know I have changed to be a better person that you need to understand. So don't go talking to others about my life. I never meddled in yours, why must you meddle in mine?

And you, of all the people, I trusted you the most. Opening up to you. Sharing my real me. Thinking that, whoa! I really can be with you. But in the end, when you think I am not listening to you, I am not paying my attention to you, you used all of the real me as an ammo to win their trusts and their hearts. Go ahead, use it all. If that is the best that you can do to get all the attention you want. Just bear in mind, from now on, there will be no me, there will only be the facade that I have been doing most of my life, just like everyone else.

So there you go, lesson learned.

• whatever that I have done, is of my own doing. Stop pointing those dirty fingers. It's disgusting not to take the blame.
• I cannot trust. I just can't, not anymore.
• Please read back the books of your lives. Remember that I was there too.

and lastly, strike three.....

You are out.

Nurha's Rest (Tomyam Seafood)

Located along Jalan Langgar.
Rating: 5/10
Price: 8/10
Ambience: 9/10
Status: Recommended

The sound of the water flowing just calms you while you are dining.

"Terima Kasih" in Jawi

You couldn't miss this sign by the road side.

Open space allows for many patrons at any one time.

And again the plants just attracts me more.

Meehoon tomyam. So-so.

Kangkong belacan (my fav dish). This is nice. Like really.

Mixed fruit juice (freshly squeezed) and plain water.

Chicken Maryland. This was actually not that bad.

Just between us

"Unlike you guys, so luxurious, can go back early after night shift. We have to work the whole day".

But...........

We are awake most of the time at night.
We are being called almost every other 30 minutes to be noted about something.
We do our best not to notify you so much so that we have a good relationship.

And..........

We also know that you go through the same.
But to compare the snooze hours,
We think you get more than us.

So...........

Lets just not compare ourselves and just be passionate and sincere in our responsibilities, i.e: our jobs.

Kopi Kampung

Located along lebuhraya Sultanaha Bahiyah.
Rating: 6/10
Price: 8/10
Ambience: 7/10
Status: Recommended




Laichikang: very nice. Has loads of treasures in it.


Kopi Kampung: keeps you awake for 3 days straight, no kidding!


Jus Nepal: I wonder if it smells like the immigrants as well (not being racist here. Who knows, they might actually smell better than me).


Thai-influenced desserts are also available.


Enjoying my laichikang.


Relics that they place around the resto to create the retro ambiance. The background music are all from the 70s and below.


Tomyam campur: hot, sour, so so.


Steamed groupa: fresh and delicious.


Kangkung belacan: not enough belacan.


Telur dadar: too damn oily. Thank God my eating partner can eat this alone.

Monday night question

It has been awhile since all this started, occurred, happened. It really does mystify me, why are you so cold towards me. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? What changed?

Is it because I graduated and landed myself a [proper] job?

Is it because more eyes are looking at me although I tried my level best not to be in the center of attention?

Is it because I have changed to be more forgiving, more humble?

What is it that you hate about me?

OR, what is it that makes you so envious of me?

I really can't change the situation right now.

Something has to change, or shall I appropriately say, SOMEONE has to change.

Y.O.U

The difference

I'm towards the end of my current posting now and oh yeah, it changed my views on Medicine, like seriously.

I used to be afraid and worried that I won't perform well in Medical posting as I am really not a medical person. I am a more hands-on person, more surgical. More, what is there, is there. Not a person that loves to solve puzzles, like the scenarios that usually occurs in medical departments.

But a whole lot of my views changed throughout this almost 4 months that I am here. Honestly, I am beginning to like medicine. Like yeah, seriously.

One of the many reasons that I like medicine is because of the bosses. Yeah, the bosses here are kinda cool and acceptable. What I meant by acceptable is that they (most of them, at least) really do appreciate your opinions and the things that you do. In fact, they love to hear your input so that they can teach you more if you are less knowledgeable in that field.

The bosses treat you like friends, that's nice. Really, it just boosts your confidence in so many ways possible. And yeah, no matter how friendly they are, you just know that they are still your boss, and you respect them, nevertheless.

The other thing in medicine that I like most is that you are allowed to be really hands on. Like for reals, I thought that surgical was procedures, procedures, and procedures, which is true by the way. But most of the procedures are done by the bosses and as a HO, you can't do much but assist. And only that, assist. But in medical, you are allowed to give it a try, of course under the supervision of the bosses. And yeah, once again, that pushes your confidence to a whole new level.

Well, I don't know. I still have a few more days left before I end this post, God willing.

Seriously, I am kinda missing it already.

Exactly!

Puteri Diyana

Puteri Diyana, nama mu indah sekali. Sering disebut-sebut teruna yang ingin menjadikan diri mu milik mereka. Suara mu bang buluh perindu, di mimpi-mimpi. Cerah gebu kulit mu, bagai sang puteri rembulan yang menghiasi bumi. Mata mu menambat jiwa yang menenungmu.

Bertudung litup, kamu ayu dipandang. Gerak geri mu lemah longlai walau kamu dalam kesibukan kerja. Kamu masih tetap mampu mengekalkan sifat kewanitaan kamu itu. Kamu menjadi idaman sang teruna dan menjadi contoh si dara.

Tapi bukan aku. Maaf Puteri Diyana,aku tak ingin langsung menjadi seperti kamu.

Mengapa?

Kerana hati mu. Hati mu begitu hitam Puteri Diyana. Kamu tidak malu mengata benda yang kamu sendiri tidak tahu, tidak mengenali. Kamu mengata pasal aku. Tapi Allah itu Maha Adil dan Saksama. Kamu telah memberitahu kawan kamu tentang aku. Tetapi kamu tidak tahu bahawa kawan kamu itu, adalah kawan ku jua.

Kamu kata aku sombong? Kerana aku tidak menegur kamu sewaktu kamu baru masuk ke department itu sebagai seorang first poster. Puteri Diyana, aku tak semestinya perlu tegur semua orang. Itu bukan tugas aku. Tugas aku adalah menyelamatkan pesakit, bukan menegur kamu. Tapi aku tak salahkan kamu kerana memang ramai yang kata aku sombong. Kemudian, mereka mengaku bersalah dan meminta maaf kepada aku kerana apa yang mereka sangka, jauh berbeza dari diri ku yang sebenarnya.

Kamu kata aku malas. Puteri Diyana, aku tak pernah sama ward dengan kamu. Bagaimana kamu tahu aku malas? Tidak mengapa. Kamu sendiri pandai menilai. Jika aku malas, dalam mata mu, malaslah jadinya. Tapi aku cuma mahu kamu tahu bahawa, jikalau betul aku malas, mengapa boss2 dari department lain, amat percaya pada aku jika aku sendiri beritahu mereka bahawa aku akan attend patient dahulu atau buat procedure itu dahulu, tanpa perlu mereka datang. Kerana Puteri Diyana, mereka percaya pada aku. Kerana aku telah banyak melakukan procedures and attend to patients STAT. Malah, apa plan aku untuk patients sekarang, boss continue sahaja, tanda setuju.

Aku kesian pada kamu Puteri Diyana.

Amat kasihan pada kamu.

HO survival kit: There is no such thing as freedom of speech.

I believe that your own page/blog space is your own private territory. You are allowed to express anything that your heart feels. Things that you can't say outside the world wide web, as if you were to say those things out there, they will penalize you for sharing what you think.

Truth be told, there are people who likes to read your blog. Problem is, these people aren't happy that you are expressing your feelings here. Trouble will be on the way to find you once you say something bad (although it is the hardcore truth) about them. Aren't we supposed to be open to comments and make ourselves better based on the comments thrown to us?

Weird, once you are here, your voice and opinions are trapped. If you are daring enough, it is off with your head!

Sometimes, I hope there are more people like Tun M. He thinks far.