Thursday, May 10, 2012

I am writing again

Everyone has a past, secrets, dark memories. I am included. These things that we call experiences, some of us learn from them, some of us just fail in them. I have kept many of my life experiences on my own. Thus making who I am today. Whatever I feel like doing, just because I am a really curious person (everybody should know this by now), I will do. And being a person of "just do it", I did. The consequences of my secrets are mine to bear, to learn from, to stop. Whatever that I did, is mine, and mine alone. No one told me to do so. So please, stop looking at others and just look at me. I can say that sometimes, I don't know what I am doing, therefore, I am learning on my own.

You have your pasts too, right? Did you not learn from it as well? Did you not learn from your own mistakes? Did you not jeopardize many things? But you still go on, steadfast, to become who you are today. To live your life today. Regardless of what everyone else say, you still go on.

We shared our secrets, well some of it. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me. Whatever I have seen with my own eyes, heard with my own ears, those are memories etched in my life. I can't erase them, I can only remember them and that is it. Those are not my stories to tell, those are yours.

During the days when no one would talk to you, when people question me, why do I keep on going back to you, do I not remember what you have done to me, how much you have hurt me, I tell them, regardless, I can never erase you from my life. You are a part of me. Now, that many have started making amends, you forgot, and you put the blame on me. For being someone whom you never knew who I was. I am who I am, no one made me this way. This is me, and I know I have changed to be a better person that you need to understand. So don't go talking to others about my life. I never meddled in yours, why must you meddle in mine?

And you, of all the people, I trusted you the most. Opening up to you. Sharing my real me. Thinking that, whoa! I really can be with you. But in the end, when you think I am not listening to you, I am not paying my attention to you, you used all of the real me as an ammo to win their trusts and their hearts. Go ahead, use it all. If that is the best that you can do to get all the attention you want. Just bear in mind, from now on, there will be no me, there will only be the facade that I have been doing most of my life, just like everyone else.

So there you go, lesson learned.

  • whatever that I have done, is of my own doing. Stop pointing those dirty fingers. It's disgusting not to take the blame.
  • I cannot trust. I just can't, not anymore.
  • Please read back the books of your lives. Remember that I was there too.
and lastly, strike three.....

You are out.

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