T - 2: tried and tested (my anger)

"hidup ini penuh dengan ujian". seriously, aku ingat lepas hari selasa tu, habis dah ujian yang mendatang. but i was wrong. malam tu ada pasar malam. aku punya la nak pergi sebab nak belikan DVD untuk nana. i was so effing excited masa dapat belikan nana the movie that she wanted so much. on top of that, aku siap call mama lagi, tanya if she wanted any. berapa banyak aku beli dari budak tu. dia kata "clear kak, semua ni master copy".

punya la aku threatened him. i said if dia tipu, i will come back again the same night and i want to change all the movies. as soon as aku balik, aku try semua DVDs tu. yeah, mmg betul, semua master copy dari wayang dan kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya!! punya la angin aku masa tu. nasib le yang nana nak tu, clear. so, aku pergi balik kat pasar malam tu, dan dan... budak tu dah balik. kurang hajar betul! i hunted him down, asked around. last2 dapat phone number dia. aku call, aku cakap i want my money back. dia soh datang minggu depan, i said no! dia kata kalau macam tu, gi cari dia esok kat BPJ.

esok tu, pergi la BPJ (yang super jauh tu). cari punya cari, dia takde sana juga. called him again, dia cakap dia kat sungai lalang pulak. aku dah boiling point dah masa tu. then, drove all the way pergi sungai lalang. cari punya cari, last2 jumpa. nasib la budak tu, budak hingus. aku gertak sikit, dia dah takut. he didn't even put up a fight. i got my money back and he got his blahdy "master copies". but nana, don't worry, your TWILIGHT is still with me ;)

lepas dah ujian malam tu (hari rabu).

hari ni lagi ujian melanda. more like dugaan. pagi2 lagi dah gi untuk OSCE exam. the patients that we got we more than accomodating, especially Mohd, the child with Down's syndrome. i was so touched by him, rasa macam nak menitik air mata ni. i was the first student that he saw and dia gila manja dengan REd. siap datang, amik tangan REd, ajak tengok luar tingkap. then, tetiba, dia peluk REd. orang lain, dia tak buat pun macam tu. i felt so blessed to be in his arms.

as the exam progressed towards the end, i could see my happy bubble at the finishing station. makin dekat, makin excited. bila dah habis, the bubble just popped and disappeared into thin air. why? because i was supposed to go back today. dah siap beli ticket semua. sekali, ada announcement saying that esok ada lagi xternal nak soal kami. what the eff? kenapa tetiba pulak? kata can go back by the 8th?

terus call mama, tanya nasihat macam mana. then, she said: "of course i want to see you before i fly. but i don't mind not seeing you because of your exam. that is more important. i don't want you to jeopardize your future. besides, we can always meet masa bulan puasa. you can come home to Wien, and spend puasa there"

i was on the verge of crying already. takkan la aku tak nak jumpa derang kan?

anger, frustration, sadness, you name it. all the feelings mixed into a perfect cocktail, i call DISASTER. mmg masa tu aku dah tak tahu apa nak fikir. kalau nak beli tkt baru, ada lagi ke? kalau nak jual tkt lama, ada orang nak beli ke? atau burn aja duit tkt?

tak sempat nak beri salam, aku masuk umah, campak beg, amik purse, kuar balik. pergi cari tkt. alhamdulillah. ada tkt untuk tgh hari esok. bermakna, aku sempat nak jumpa derang before they go home to Wien. tkt lama? tkt tu, aku cuba cakap elok2 kat MARA Liner, tapi macam biasa, jawapan yang aku dapat, sangat rude. so, aku minta dia tolong jual balik. kalau ada rezeki, ada la orang beli tkt aku tu. kalau tak, selamat jalan romeo la duit tu.

after all that, jo-ee nak pergi beli barang, tapi dia terlupa bawa purse. aku offer kuarkan duit untuk dia. aku tak berani nak kuarkan duit atas kemahuan aku because i know, when i am angry, shopping is just another therapy. so, i took out the amount that she wanted. jalan2 sket, tenangkan keadaan aku.

tapi satu lagi ujian melanda: tangan aku gila gatal nak beli, beli, beli, dan beli.

nasib la aku takde wang masa tu.

p/s untuk mama: funds already low (close to empty). ni pun ujian gak ni ma :) *hugs