T - 0: ....and lift off....

pukul 3 pagi, aku masih tak tido lagi. macam biasa la, 'what else is new?' bak kata frank sweetenham (orang putih). tapi aku takleh tido sebab hati aku masih menangis, walau aku dah lebih dari 2 jam berhenti menangis physically. bukan aku ngada nak meleleh airmata, bukan aku ni kaki melalak, tapi the tears flow without my control. bukan salah aku. tapi salah keadaan. keadaan yang membuatkan nana, mama, and shad fly off....



alhamdulillah, sempat juga aku balik untuk spend kurang dari 7jam ngan derang, right before they fly. takpe la, singkat pun singkat la, janji ada. better something than nothing kan?

masa sampai kat airport, masa check in, masa chilling, semua ok. aku masih leh gelak, masih leh buat lawak. but most of the time aku nak jalan and stick to nana and mama. masa itu emas, i don't want to loose those precious moments. tolong load the luggage kat atas belt tu. selalunya our travel bags consist of clothes only. ni, luggages derang siap ada barang2 umah lagi. it felt too different to me.

right before derang turun g kastam, lepak kat bench area dekat ngan McD tu. macam biasa, our family jester (read: pott) buat lawak lawak antarabangsa dia kat sana. we were just talking, shad and yah pergi beli burger king, nana and i snap happy. the scene looked perfect, like a little family picnic, if not for the fact that they had to leave a few minutes later.

time to go.

semua orang tengah peluk cium. aku diri sana macam tunggul, tak nak bergerak, tak nak bercakap. nana datang peluk aku, ok lagi, bleh tahan lagi. tanpa aku perasaan, pipi aku dah basah, aku peluk nana kuat kuat, nasihatkan dia. then, reluctantly aku lepas dia. mama's turn. all i did was hugged her. she said somethings which i can't register at that moment. but i clearly heard her say "i love you", and there was a pause before she continued. deep in my heart, i know that she was expecting me to say it back. i am sorry ma, bukan i tak nak cakap. i tak dapat nak cakap sebenarnya. my mouth was shut tight with the emotion. after dah salam ngan shad, derang semua turun.

pipi aku makin basah. mulut aku masih tak mampu nak buka. cuma tangan aku yang melambai lambai.

selamat tinggal keluarga ku. have fun in the new home.

and mama.....i love you too.....