i am a secret box

aku rasa ada barang 5 hari la aku tunggu nak clerk satu patient baru ni. masa dia mula2 masuk, mmg dia tak sedar diri. meracau tak tentu hala. was aggressive. so he was put under restrain. days went by, and he was still tied to bed. but today, he was walking around, wide awake, but totally disoriented and irrelevant.

this patient's name is *Xero. dia from TUDM training camp. he is only 25 years young. never had any episode of substance abuse. informant (family) claimed that he was apparently well months back. he had 2 episodes of high fever before this incident of him being mentally unstable. so, i am thinking, mungkin there is an organic cause that made him in his current state. apart from that, family dia kata, dia tak tahan sama stress kat camp. bapak Xero is an aviator general.

as aku masuk ward pagi tadi, immediately *Mimi, the last patient that we had before the weekend, she came up to me. she was happy to see me and i was happy to see her too. aku tak tahu kenapa, i felt attached to her. like there is something that is making me want to help her so much. make her better. her story is a sad one. and sayang, she is a bright person, cuma peristiwa hitam yang membuatkan dia kurang stabil. otherwise, she is rather normal. she was from TKC, she did execellent most of the time and a distinction student. she was born in september. i keep on telling her that if she wants to talk, like a friend to a friend, she can always talk to me. but then... Siti NurHaliza came along and sort of took me away from Mimi. so Mimi had to wait in line.

see, SNH is very unstable. but she also has become attached to me because aku layan dia and i listen to her stories. let them be true or not, i listen to them. show her that she can trust me and she can tell me anything that she wants. so, most of my morning i was spending time with SNH but at the same time, i was also talking to Xero, trying to elicit his problem. but apa yang buat aku sangat tersentuh, was what SNH said:

"saya suka la jumpa sama doktor"

"kenapa?"

"saya rasa lega, tenang hati saya bila saya dapat cakap sama doktor"

"owh, terima kasih. apa je siti nak cakap, siti boleh beritahu saya ye"

and i left her at the table, let her do her own things.

and when Mimi saw that i was free. she immediately came to me. i asked where she went. she said that she went to sleep because the medication is making her drowsy. she took my hand and said that she has something to talk to me about. see, the feeling that i feel, is just indescribable. how they prefer to talk to you, tell you their life's secrets, the trust. it just makes me feel thankful.

but mind, this still does not mean that i like psychiatry. not at all.... duhhh!