ini bukan entry belas kasihan, tetapi ini entry ikhlas dari hati.

aku ada seorang bapa yang aku panggil "papa". adoiyayy, statement aku serious macam bingai. mana ada orang yang ada dua, tiga bapa. takpe, abaikan. di sini aku nak berkisah tentang papa aku dan seorang hamba Allah, sempena hari bapa sedunia hari ahad ni.

Pa,
how are you doing over there? i hope you are fine with the rest of the team: aunty, leya and baby A. gila lama i tak dengar khabar pasal you. please don't say that i don't try, you know i do. i call you dah nak sampai pendek jari ni, but you tak nak answer. nasib la i sms aunty hari tu dia ada balas, and as according to her, you all are well. alhamdulillah.

ermm, i don't even know where to begin. it's been awhile since we last met.but i always sms you, especially on occasions just to let you know that you are not forgotten although you somehow tend to forget that we are still your children. anyway, tak berapa nak kisah pun. i mean, i think it has been like 14 years kott that i totally am away from a father figure. not to say that we don't interact or meet, but it is just that you are there physically, as a person, as someone in the family, but i don't see you as a father.

i see my friends with their fathers, sangat rapat, sangat manja, sangat best. i always wonder how it felt like. too many things were occuring in our lives. maybe because of that, you forgot to become the father. but you were there, did some of your duties for us, no doubt.

you know pa, i cry sometimes. but i never cried for you. not that you don't mean anything to me, of course you do. but as i grew up, i never learned how to respect you, instead, i feared you. i don't remember the last time i said "i love you". honestly i don't. i don't even remember the last time i hugged you.

what i do remember is the last time i fought with you. the last time you hurt me. the last time you made my mother cry. the last time you walked away with vendetta in your mind.

bt you are not all that bad. if it weren't for you, i would not learn how to be tough. i would not learn how to be independent and take some responsibilities. you have your good points. like you are meticulous in cleaning the house. you are always on time. you don't tolerate nonsense. you always bring me to our local haunt for maggie goreng. i remember the good times too. do you?

anyway, father's day is this sunday. i never fail to wish you every year. but this year, ntah la.... should i?

instead, i've been thinking. this person, who is related to me, not by blood, is taking over your place that you have left empty for more than 14 years now. he may not come from the same background, same race, but he has the heart of gold.

although i don't call him "dad" or "papa" or anything of that sort, and i call him by name, he doesn't mind. at least, instead of fearing him, i am learning to respect him, as a person, and more over, as a father-figure.

ok, maybe he doesn't do that father-daughter things. but what he does is way more than that. he makes my mother happy, that is the most important part. he supports all of us, like we were his own flesh and blood. he worries about us as much as my mother does, and let me tell you, when mama worries, she WORRIES.

so i guess it is just appropriate for me to turn the cards now. show him that we all appreciate his presence and we are happy to have him in the family. he never had a father's day greeting, i guess.well, there is always the first time for everything, right?

so here goes....

SAA, this goes out to you: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

seriously, i don't know how to do this but it is sincerely from my heart :)