i'm sorry (part I)

R-day + 5: the day that my life went spinning to oblivion.

“alia, hari ni I dengar you jadi pilot, betul ke?”

“hehehe… yeah. we are all driving back in my car”

I was eagerly waiting to get back to KL. we were [mirically] granted a very long (read: 5 days) weekend. that is like almost close to paradise in the life of medical students. especially clinical medical students in AIMST.

the journey started at 5pm, right after class. before I started the journey, mama had called and told me to be careful while driving and also to check all the necessaries before I began my journey. it was raining, rather heavily. I went to the pump and filled up the tank, and asked the very helpful people at the pump station to help me with the checking since I am not very versed in car language (read: I just know how to drive). as soon as that was done, I went to fill in the air for the tyres. everything was checked, everything in order, everything was ready. all I need now are my passengers and a 4 hours stretch of road to get me from SP to KL.

it was still raining. continuously. some stretch heavy, some stretch super heavy. but I was not driving fast, I can’t. I must be responsible for my passengers. since it was raining, one of the passengers wanted to make a toilet break. so after missing one stop area, we made a stop at the Juru rest area. everyone suddenly wanted to go to the toilet, except for me, which I thought was kind of weird cause I was cold and usually, I’d go. but I didn’t. I waited outside the car. I waited under the rain. they told me to get in the car, but I refused. I don’t even know why. I just wanted to stand outside and look at the car. I was just staring at the passenger’s window. nothing on my mind, nothing at all.

as soon as everyone was done, we continued our journey. the rain wasn’t letting up. everyone was settled after the toilet break, everyone was just joking about the ETA.

“don’t worry, we’ll be there by 10-ish pm”, I said.

“yeah, that’d be just nice”

“or maybe 9pm” someone joked, I can’t quite remember who.

“or if you want, I can try 8…heheheh”, I joked back.

“ no, alia, take your time….”, she sounded serious.

“I know, I know…. I can’t drive fast also”

I was just driving straight. the passengers that were happily chatting suddenly became quiet, all of them, all at the same time. my eyes were on the road. my mind was concentrating on the rain. then suddenly……

we hit a pool of water, yes, WATER!! the car swerved at first and I tried to stabilize the steering wheel. but the power steering got the better of me. it went back the other way and we moved from one lane to the other. with both hands trying to still stabilize the steering wheels, which was actually pointless at that time, my eyes are open, my ears are clear. all I heard was screaming. all I saw was a spinning road. we hit the divider on the left side of the road. thank God for the divider, if not, we would have fallen into the drain. the impact from the divider made the car bounced back on the road and spun 360d, several times. I wasn’t counting. but who was?

until finally, it stopped. the time suddenly stopped, to me at least.

the first thing I remembered saying was “I’m sorry, I am so so sorry”, which I know was meaningless. sorry is so not going to cure anything. without thinking, I straight away opened my door and ran into the street, I didn’t think about the oncoming cars, I just wanted to check the passengers. everyone was in shock, obviously. but the most critical one was her. she laid there motionless at first, I remembered seeing her that way, so fragile.



.........tbc..........