Calm turbulence

I hate flying. I really do. Simoly because, I suffer from panic attacks when there is turbulence. It's really bad.

It started when I was 12. It was the first time ever for me to be travelling long hours on flight. I was on the way to the USA, after a lay over in London. I was calmly sitting beside my mother in the plane. Nothing was going on except for us watching whatever that was showing then.

Suddenly, there was turbulence. It wasn't really a bad one. But I don't know why, at that moment, I started panicking, REAL bad. I was restless, I couldn't breath properly, I wanted to get under my seat for safety (that was what I was thinking then). My mother was shocked to see me that way but she didn't know I was panicking. So she let me be.

After that incident, it didn't hinder me from flying. I had to fly for my studies, I flew for my holidays, and many more. But whenever turbulence happens, the panic starts. And I have no control over my panic state.

But as panic as I can get, I can remain really calm too. I can remain so calm that I surprise myself sometimes.

Like very recently when I got back from Wien and I had to travel back to Alor Setar, I was on the highway, in the car alone. I was driving between 90-110km/h. I had my seatbelt on, my earphones plug into my BBDevil. I was a sight for safety on the road. Suddenly the trafic became slow. It could only mean 2 things: an accident or a road block.

I drove on, thinking nothing but to pass the hurdle ahead. As I got nearer, I saw what was making the traffic slow: road block. The police was really on a roll. I could see many cars parked by the side and the drivers being summoned. I drove on and the police looked at his list and signalled me to join the rest of the drivers by the side.

OH MY GOD!

I was panicking beyond belief as I really did not know what I did wrong. The police asked for my lisence and I gave it to him without questioning what I did wrong. I was just waiting in the car, when all of a sudden, the police looked at me and started asking me things that are not related to why I was even parked by the road side. He was actually chatting me up!!

I was like: WTH?!?!?. He gave me back my lisence and I drove off still flabbergasted by the whole situation. But the most important thing was that, I did not show him that I was panicking inside, I had such a calm tone and face, I think he feels wrong to even stop me in the first place.

I can be as calm as the sea and also raging mad as a tornado...